My 87 year old mom hasn’t been officially diagnosed with anything but she definitely has some dementia or other going on . For the second Christmas in a row is is accusing myself and my adult children of stealing all of her stuff, ( they are only here for a couple of days ) and last night she was up with clear sundowning . More of the same last night she kept me up till 4 am , kept calling me on the phone when I’m right upstairs and have a ringer if she needs me . Accused me of everything in the book and dropping her off on this place ( which is her home) I’m exhausted and am really struggling here. She won’t go in to see her doctor so I’m at a loss at one to do . I try not to loose my temper bc I understand that’s this is not the mom I know and love . But wow I’m in the trenches here and it really hurts my soul when she calls me a thief and a liar.
another sad Christmas in Va
( I’m happily shocked) She had had some minor confusion here and there but nothing horrible like she was when I wrote last. She definitely has some minor agitation and restlessness. She likes to go to the main window over by her bed and give me a play by play of who is doing what outside, what cars are coming and going . This is constant . The other day I stepped out to get medications and groceries before the snow storm . I came back about an hour later and she had the phones jacked up ( also constant and puts the blame on version when it’s definitely user error) she also had Alexa messed up and her tv as well. She can’t tell the difference between the phone and the tv remote ; so I bought her new phones that are silver and look different that the phone. I also put stickers on each so she can tell the difference but she keeps removing them. I’ve been handling all the bills for the past few years when it came to my attention that she hadn’t paid the mortgage for 6 months. Thankfully I was able to negotiate a forbearance and got that fixed. She does think people are taking her stuff and will put things in boxes and wrap them up in a little blanket . No one is here but myself and her and my college aged kids briefly for the holiday . Another habit I’ve noticed is when I give her her meals she will eat them ok then puts napkins in the bowl or dish and makes a complete mess. I’ve been trying to grab them before this happens recently. I guess these are all part of the challenges . She will also tell her friends that she is constantly at the doctor when she actually hasn’t been since early summer. I’d like to have a conversation with her GP and tell her all of the above but she refuses to go. I’ve told her that her doctor needs to see her so her meds can be renewed but she is refusing .
shrugs …
Continued Prayers to yall and thanks for letting me vent .
hugs, Misha
If the house belongs to M, not to you, the option is there for you to leave yourself – or threaten seriously.
She is clearly showing dementia, but don't tell the EMTs this. You can try to contact her Doctor and tell him you think something is wrong with her, she is "acting aggressive and not making sense." Tell her SDoctor she is keeping you both up all night, ranting and trying to argue. You are worried and scared! Don't say the word "dementia" or you won't get any help. Say she is "acting crazy and not making sense."
At least she will get seen and hopefully diagnosed. You aren't a medical professional and can't handle this situation alone. Your Mom needs medical help and needs to see a Doctor.
She will only get worse with her behavior. When she calls you names and insults, just leave the room and don't argue with her. It won't do any good. It's not your Mom causing this, her brain is mis-firing. If she has a UTI, that will cause her to act crazy as well....which can be fixed easy with antibiotics.
This isn't about Christmas. It's about getting your mother to the hospital for badly needed medical attention before she doesn't see New Year's, God forbid. Living alone with dementia is very, very dangerous. What she "wants" and what she "needs" are two different matters. She needs medical attention. Please get her to the hospital stat.
Best of luck.
And then after letting the doctors know of her dementia behaviors, you let them know that she can no longer live by herself as she is an "unsafe discharge" and that you need help in getting her placed in the appropriate facility.
The social worker will then find a facility to place your mom in where she will receive the 24/7 care she now requires and be given the appropriate medications for her sundowning and paranoia.
I know that this isn't what you wanted for Christmas this year, but it must be done sooner than later as your mom needs help as do you and your family, so it might just be the best Christmas gift for all involved to call 911 now.
Unusual or the norm?
Whom does she live with?
Could this be an acute bladder infection?
You don't give us great information here as to her history.
Sounds like she is badly in need of a trip to her MD.