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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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This will be a lengthy message, but I'll just go for it even though no one may read this, being stuck and confided in my mind daily with no one to talk to feels pulverzing. I'm 17 years old and ever since my dad, 65 years old, begin to be in elder stage around a month ago, he's been having body balance and memory issues, sometimes needing help by lifting him up from the bed and the sorts, forgotten if he had placed things back to where they were before when he had already done it a few minutes ago, having a memory hallucination for 3 times already that there's a girl older than me living together with us when I'm an only child. My father became more short-tempered than in the past, he would give me some slaps that don't really make me feel physically hurt, only feeling degraded, just the kind of slaps that's strong enough to feel the physical impact, but not to hurt physically, whenever he gets displeased or angry at my failure to understand what he wants, getting my attention, making mistakes, what chores I'm supposed to do and how to do it (My parents seldom to make me do chores as they're the one who does it when I was young to give me a carefree life to play and study. So I have almost no experience and it's only now that my dad wants me to do chores since he genuinely needs help). He would whispers angrily "ShaBi" which means Stupid C*nt in his native language (He taught me swear words in his native language for fun which it indeed was. But now, it feels terrible fully understanding what he curses as it feels degrading to me). Everytime he shouted at me, I lose my appetite. There was even one time I tried not to eat at all for 3 days and got successful before I called it quits since my father was sleeping alot at that time, so he couldn't pay close attention to me. Whenever I see his irritated expression, I feel displeased. Every morning I wake up, I don't feel that chillness that I used to feel everyday before, I feel dread (dread may be too heavy from what I searched, I think what I feel is more closer to unease and some anxiety) . Once, after I cried because of him and calmed down, my heart felt pain every time I breath in, couldn't breathe as deeply as I could until after 3 days that it went back normal and I searched on the Internet about it and identified that I may have gotten Broken Heart Syndrome. And when he saw my self-harm, he got angry which is a normal reaction, but it made me irritated because "you slap me when I'm doing bad, so why can't I do it myself to punish myself?", I didn't voiced that to avoid tension rising. It pisses me more that he expects me to behave like a gentle, sweet, docile and patient person with him when he behaves like that. I noticed that I've gotten verbally deflective with him recently, getting easily annoyed by him even if he just sighs and started to disdain being near him and when he told me that he'll teach me about chores, I felt anger which never happened before as I would be okay with it like "Oh, cool, knowledge!" in the past. Once, I gotten too fed up with him, that I pushed him in a force that's enough to create a distance between us, not to the point of him being on the floor nor to injure him. Once I tried to discuss to him about me thinking about the possible consequences of a person's treatment to another and the emotional and mental health simply because it's something I'm very really interested in and then he shouted at me to shut up and that it's not my business which is true, but it really hurt me emotionally especially with the feeling that I'm stuck in my mind without anyone willing to hear me. I have these desires and impatience for my life to finish already, I don't want to continue anymore, just let my conscious end and I found out to successfully die actually takes effort to do it in my perspective because I failed which I feel sorrow and cried as that means I have to continue my life due to failing to die. I resent him, but I don't think I really hate him.
I’m glad you reached out and am sorry for the pain and upset you’re experiencing. Everyone should feel loved and valued in their home. I assume because of your age you’re still in school. Please reach out to the counselor there and relate what you’ve shared here. For more immediate help please call the suicide hotline and reach out there. Do not seek a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Your life can and will change. Your future can be bright if you’ll give yourself a chance to get past this current place with your dad. Please write again, you’ve found a group that cares
Thank you for your message. To clarify, I'm homeschooled, I study online with private tutors. My mother is often at work, and comes back on her day-offs (My dad and mom don't get along very well. I still remember strongly, because I feel hurt, at the time my dad in his elder stage suspected that I'm conspiring with my mom behind his back simply because he noticed 'things that weren't there last night' and thought I'm secretly helping my mom come in the house when not on her day-offs even though I did nothing but help him and it doesn't help that I also don't remember if the things were always there or not). I have no friends in real life to talk to and although I do have online language exchange partners and teachers, I don't think they want to be bothered about my experiences if they want casual things, and I don't want to be a burden to them if that's the case hence why I am here, writing out my thoughts and feelings for insights and advices on the Internet where it has its own potential dangers on it as I have nowhere and no one else to vent to besides my notebook and chatbots.
It doesn't help that me and my dad are in a third world island country where the nations' IQ is officially low compared to other countries, which in my dad's mindset, instinctively thinks everyone around him in the country we live in are stupid, including me. So, it's most likely he'll not seriously take advice from other people around us regarding about himself. I don't trust the nursery homes in the country we live in, will take care of my dad well and may anger him more, and we don't trust hiring a caretaker as they may steal something from us or sell our information to somewhere (My dad have history of his things getting stolen in the island country). I firmly believe my dad would feel better and more trusting in countries that have dilligent and fast workers such as Japan, etc and I would definitely feel assured to place him in a nursery homes in such a country. Sometimes, I think about what other nations such as Europe and Asia would've behave, and then I concluded that perhaps they won't behave like me, they'll just bare with it and still behave sweetly to my dad, they'll be more patient and definitely do more better than me. They'll not envision murdering him in several ways and have the impulse to do so, his behavior is even ingrained inside my dreams. Whenever he gets angry at me, I have these thoughts of "You're angry at me. Then, I'll make you more angrier so you'll die sooner. By your own self" which makes me feel and consider that I'm really not a child good enough for my dad. (Although lately I've been feeling less impulsive feeling maybe because that means my tolerance is improving. It's not assuring for me because I am afraid I might blow up and do something illegal at one point. I don't really like that I'm sensitive to criticisms because how can I grow and develop as a person if I can't take them well for my improvement?)
I really feel bad for you, you are way too young to be going through this. Many of us here having problems with elderly adults are the same age as your dad is now.
Way too young to think your life should end now, its just beginning.
You could use counseling, I dont know if that is an option
Either that or fly the coop, get the heck out of there
I was exactly your age when I had to start taking care of my mom. She was a few years younger than your dad is when caregiving started and she was your dad's age when my caregiving duties went up via her cancer diagnosis.
Like with me, that's way too young to start caregiving for a parent. Assuming your mom was also old when you were born, our dilemmas are why I oppose the idea of older couples trying to have kids. They don't know how devastating caregiving can be, particularly for someone that's at or near early adulthood and has to hit the pause button on life and delay things like a career and independence.
Try to find a way and place to vent and blow off some steam.
And I hate to say this. With you not being keen on getting extra help and not big on putting him in a nursing home, you're basically stuck between a rock and a hard place. Until you and your family decide to get extra help, assuming you have the financial means as well as willingness, caregiving will go on for a very, very long time and you can only hope it doesn't end with your dad passing away. Aside from my time in college, I've been helping my mom for almost a decade and a half.
Your emotions seem to be all over the place and you really need to seek some outside therapy of some sort. I know you say in one of your replies that you are in a third world island country where the IQ's are not too high, yet you seem to be well spoken at the young age of 17. And speaking of age, 65 is not old(I am 65 and am far from being old)and if your father has been showing signs of something not being right he should go to his doctor as it could be something as simple as a UTI that is causing these changes.
But actually I am more concerned about you and the fact that you would rather be dead at your young age. That is very sad and I hope that you'll call the suicide hotline at 988. They are available 24/7. And also know that you NEVER have to tolerate abuse from anyone, including your father. You say in your reply below that you often visualize murdering your father, which is beyond disturbing and concerning as well. YOU NEED HELP!!! I hope you have some other adults or teachers that you can share your concerns/feelings with, and that will truly listen to you. God bless you, and PLEASE reach out to get the mental help that you so desperately need.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It doesn't help that me and my dad are in a third world island country where the nations' IQ is officially low compared to other countries, which in my dad's mindset, instinctively thinks everyone around him in the country we live in are stupid, including me. So, it's most likely he'll not seriously take advice from other people around us regarding about himself. I don't trust the nursery homes in the country we live in, will take care of my dad well and may anger him more, and we don't trust hiring a caretaker as they may steal something from us or sell our information to somewhere (My dad have history of his things getting stolen in the island country). I firmly believe my dad would feel better and more trusting in countries that have dilligent and fast workers such as Japan, etc and I would definitely feel assured to place him in a nursery homes in such a country. Sometimes, I think about what other nations such as Europe and Asia would've behave, and then I concluded that perhaps they won't behave like me, they'll just bare with it and still behave sweetly to my dad, they'll be more patient and definitely do more better than me. They'll not envision murdering him in several ways and have the impulse to do so, his behavior is even ingrained inside my dreams. Whenever he gets angry at me, I have these thoughts of "You're angry at me. Then, I'll make you more angrier so you'll die sooner. By your own self" which makes me feel and consider that I'm really not a child good enough for my dad. (Although lately I've been feeling less impulsive feeling maybe because that means my tolerance is improving. It's not assuring for me because I am afraid I might blow up and do something illegal at one point. I don't really like that I'm sensitive to criticisms because how can I grow and develop as a person if I can't take them well for my improvement?)
Way too young to think your life should end now, its just beginning.
You could use counseling, I dont know if that is an option
Either that or fly the coop, get the heck out of there
Like with me, that's way too young to start caregiving for a parent. Assuming your mom was also old when you were born, our dilemmas are why I oppose the idea of older couples trying to have kids. They don't know how devastating caregiving can be, particularly for someone that's at or near early adulthood and has to hit the pause button on life and delay things like a career and independence.
Try to find a way and place to vent and blow off some steam.
And I hate to say this. With you not being keen on getting extra help and not big on putting him in a nursing home, you're basically stuck between a rock and a hard place. Until you and your family decide to get extra help, assuming you have the financial means as well as willingness, caregiving will go on for a very, very long time and you can only hope it doesn't end with your dad passing away. Aside from my time in college, I've been helping my mom for almost a decade and a half.
I would suggest rather than all the detail, the he said, he did etc, locate adults you trust to talk to. (A forum of strangers is very limited).
Do you have a school councellor?
Is there a local youth support service or helpline?
Summarise it into 'problems at home' & ask who you can call to talk to.
And speaking of age, 65 is not old(I am 65 and am far from being old)and if your father has been showing signs of something not being right he should go to his doctor as it could be something as simple as a UTI that is causing these changes.
But actually I am more concerned about you and the fact that you would rather be dead at your young age. That is very sad and I hope that you'll call the suicide hotline at 988. They are available 24/7.
And also know that you NEVER have to tolerate abuse from anyone, including your father.
You say in your reply below that you often visualize murdering your father, which is beyond disturbing and concerning as well. YOU NEED HELP!!!
I hope you have some other adults or teachers that you can share your concerns/feelings with, and that will truly listen to you.
God bless you, and PLEASE reach out to get the mental help that you so desperately need.