She sometimes remembers some people, but she mostly remembers me. Curses at me, bit me pretty bad, always remembers my name when she goes into rages.
Im terrified of her. Just as I was as a 10 yr. Old. Everyone tells me it's just the disease. I don't feel it is. I'm just trying to cope. I don't feel I can be around her anymore, but I'm being guilted into it.
She's been this way your whole life? I think anybody would excuse you from having any kind of a meaningful relationship with someone who abused you.
I don't buy in to that 'it's the disease' in all situations. Sometimes mean people are just mean.
I stopped seeing my MIL 3 years ago b/c she simply could not even bear the sight of me, literally. Sounds weird, but it does happen.
Cut yourself some slack and make your relationship with her as limited as possible.
Have you ever had counseling? Your post sounds like a scared 10 yo. Please think about getting some help.
You owe her nothing, and for your own mental health's sake you need to step away from trying to care for her.
Like said, those that are trying to guilt you into caring for her, are those who themselves want nothing to do with her care I'm sure, so it's just easier for them to try and guilt you than for they themselves to step up and do it. That too is a form of abuse.
Quit allowing others to dictate what you should or shouldn't be doing. You know in your heart of hearts what is best for you, and you just need to do it.
Your mother will be just fine without you caring for her. And if no one else steps up to care for her, she can become a ward of the state, and they will oversee her care.
I was abused by both of my parents and I would never have put myself in a caregiver situation with either of them as it would not have been healthy for me, and I knew it. And I have absolutely no guilt over my decision.
Please take care of yourself first and foremost. and don't allow anyone to abuse you anymore in anyway!
Detach yourself from this nightmare immediately.
Since your mom has been abusive to you since you were a child, the dementia removes the filter making her even more abusive.
You do not need to become a hostage and slave to a miserable, mean and abusive old person. Don't allow people to talk you into taking care of someone like this. It doesn't get better. You won't like her or yourself for allowing her to treat you badly.
How does that explain the fact she abused you for her entire life?
Please seek psychological counseling for yourself so you can finally seperate yourself from this woman, who, I believe you are indicating, was abusive all of her life. Allow the authorities of the state to handle her needs as she fails and make a life for yourself that does not involve abuse.
I wish you the best.