My home-bound 95 year old mother with dementia has caregivers come in daily however, they are only allowed to manage meals, housekeeping, etc. I have tried the CNA route to manage personal care and have the appropriate equipment available for showering, etc., however, she refuses a shower or help with cleaning herself and I was paying for an over-priced babysitter!
My biggest issues with her personal care are her hair and her feet. I am looking into bringing a CNA into the mix again to manage this care but the process to set this up with the current agency will be intrusive and not what my mother will put up with. I do not want to change agencies because she has several really good caregivers that I do not want to lose. I thought about having a hairdresser that does home visits come in to wash and set her hair once a week. Also, have worked with a podiatrist in past for foot care. The financial end of this issue is not the big problem, my stubborn, non-complaint mother is the issue. I am trying to uphold her wishes to be at home, not in a NH but feel like this whole process has become a big complicated headache to manage - any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
With my MIL, we have had to get very frank with her regarding her "behavior," assuming she does have control over it. She recently had brain surgery and was biting nurses and so forth. Therefore, no rehab facility would take her. Now that she is home, she is basically acting right. I had a frank conversation with her letting her know that if she wants to continue living with us, it would require her to be compliant with the caregivers that are coming into our home, including showering and going to all appointments INCLUDING but not limited to a psychiatrist. My husband and I are making back up plans if she refuses to participate in her care which might involve guardianship and/or nursing home. We hope it doesn't come down to that.
While my LO was rather resistant to care before she arrived in Memory Care, once there, she was fine. I think their staff was especially trained to work with dementia patients and she never had a problem with them.
I wouldn't be too focused on promises that she stay in the home, if you are not able to get her the care she needs there. Her reasoning doesn't seem intact. If it were, she'd realize the need for having her needs met.
Since, funds are available, have you considered hiring a Case care coordinator, who would assess the needs and bring in the help that is needed?
This whole process IS a big complicated headache to manage.
Caregivers can help with bathing. You don't need a CNA for that. However, CNAs or caregivers are not allowed to work on feet. That has to be done by a podiatrist. Don't allow anyone to care for your mom's feet except a doctor.
And I think you'd be able to find a hairdresser to come to your house. Many of them will and do make home visits.
Typically a good suggestion would be for you to tell your mother that if you are going to be in charge of her care and deal with all of the headaches then she needs to get her fanny in that shower and quit giving you, the one who is caring for her, such a difficult time. And if she didn't like that, maybe she'd be more comfortable in skilled care. But with her dementia, you can't use this logic with your mom as she doesn't possess those reasoning skills anymore.
Will your mom take a shower for the caregiver? Some elderly folks do better with strangers because they don't want to seem impolite. But I'm thinking if the caregiver was bathing your mom you wouldn't have mentioned your mom's lack of bathing in your post.
What about a bed bath? A caregiver knows how to give a bed bath. And despite what many people think it is not a messy process. There are tips and techniques to it so that your mom will get clean with minimal clean-up time.
As for cleaning herself, I'm assuming you're talking about after using the toilet? Most elderly people with dementia get to that point where they can't clean themselves. Put a box of gloves in the bathroom and resign yourself to doing it for her. Some people use flushable wipes, some people are leery of flushable wipes and throw the wipes in the trash. Wipes are a little more gentle then just toilet tissue especially if you'll be cleaning her and have no sense of how much pressure you're using. The wipes are good for that.