Follow
Share

My 90 yr old mother is permanently moving in with my husband and I. Her total care (cooking, cleaning, dr appointments, weekly hair dresser, personal hygiene assistance, emotional support etc...) will now be our responsibility. My husband and I purchased our home last year knowing this day would soon be here. Mom has private bath, bedroom and and another large bedroom that was converted to her "sitting room" which of course has a TV. We are retired and easily afford to to care for my mom. Our life will drastically change from the "retired life" we were enjoying. My sisters seem fine with using mom's personal funds to compensate us for food and going out expenses but when it comes to the other aspects of caring for mom they think that is where compensation stops. Mom's income is roughly $75,000/yr with $70,000+ in savings and a $350,000 house soon to be sold. We are taking my mom in to care for her because we truly believe we will take the best care of her 24/7 (I sleep with a baby monitor in my bedroom so I can hear if she is having discomfort at night due to periferal neuropathy). If my mother was destitute we would still take care of her but because she can contribute more than just for food I believe she should. If I were ever in her situation I would want to generously reimburse my son if he took care of me. My sisters have questioned are you looking at this as a business and want to make money on this? My question-should a family caregiver be paid if the recipient can easily afford it because the funds are available. If yes, then I'm trying to come up with a reasonable dollar amount but cannot find anything on line to assist in costs. If anyone has input please advise.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Wow sounds like you are all in on your mom living with you and caring for her 24/7. So while that is something I would never consider doing, I'm not going to speak to that. Except to say..take great care in that endeavor. That only works out well for everyone in the rarest of cases.
As far as compensation..I have had my dad in my home for just a few months until he moved into AL, and I can tell you that 'freelance' caregivers are usually getting around $25/hr. Agencies charge the same but those people are usually taking a cut off their hires.
I guess if it were me, I would ask my sisters..what else would her money be used for at this point except her care? I would have to counter their questioning with "are you afraid of spending down mom's money before she dies and you inherit it?"
Hopefully if you are fully taking on your mom, you also have legal control over her estate. In which case, you can pay yourself without your sisters' approval. Just keep it all well documented. best wishes
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Oh there should definitely be a rental agreement AS WELL as a caregiver agreement.
And thought must be given to how much care you are willing to give and where to draw the line (bathing? toileting? incontinence? loss of mobility?) and for how long, it's becoming much more common for people to live into their late 90's and beyond.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

There was another conversation here recently where the posters were discussing having a rental contract with the parent who was living with them, rather than a caregiver contract. You could come up with someting equitable by charging mom a % of the total housing expenses, prorated based on the sq. footage of "her" space, plus her share of food, cable, etc. She should keep a separate bank account for personal expenses and for paying you rent.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Well, this can become a very tangled web, too many people involved. Since your mother can afford AL, why not place her there. she will be cared for and that will resolve the "Pay" issue.

You are retired, why not enjoy your life and not be saddled down 24/7. Read around this site about taking care of the aged in one's home, there is so much more involved than just having her move in.

AL has much to offer her, 24/7 care, being with people her own age who she can relate to and activities galore. We just placed my 94 yo mother, she loves it, especially being with people her own age.

Might want to rethink this. Good Luck!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You can demonstrate to your sisters that you are actually saving your mother a packet of money by doing a little research about how much she would be paying anyone outside the family for the services you provide. If they still insist that families shouldn't be paid invite them to step into your roll. What is the point in amassing wealth at her age, is it just to leave an inheritance? Consider that any money eventually left to you all will likely be divided equally even though you have been carrying a higher burden, how do they see that as fair?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

In this situation, yes, I think you should be compensated.  If your sisters want to take her in, tell them sounds great to you
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter