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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I am quite familiar with these nurse with a purse situations. A man singles out a woman to be the beast of burden for his unmanageable life. Usually you find some men in their late forties or early fifties looking for women who are desperate for marriage to take on these types.
I have one word for you: leave.
I work as a paid caregiver and have run across these types. Usually there is no woman in sight and they will take the caregiver role out of context. I let them know up front that I am a Certified Nursing Assistant assigned to them. I have dealt with disrespect and abusive male verbal aggression which I reported to my supervisor.
You have two choices here. You can find out a way how to get paid for services you are providing as a caregiver and leave the role as the girlfriend/doormat at the door.
Boyfriends do not get husband privileges.
Or if you don't have a job. Train for one. Move out and live your life. Find a man who is worth investing your time and energy into. Too many women have settled for little or nothing dealing with these types of situations.
This is very interesting information and a helpful perspective about the whole "nurse with a purse" dynamic with men. I am not in this situation, but from the information in your response I have taken a mental note to be aware of that.
Time to move on. Boyfriend is a grown man and will figure out what he needs to do.
If it’s been 14 years and he never wanted to get married, that’s your cue. You do everything for him and he keeps you on a short leash. Wants you to wait on him, but doesn’t regard you as good enough.
I've never heard that expression before, but from reading other comments it seems you are dealing with verbal and emotional abuse. Nobody ever deserves that. Walk away.
If you think that there could be any possibility of violence, don't give warning of your intentions, just go and leave a letter of explanation. Or, if you have anyone who could be with you while you explain, to protect you if need be, then do that. If there are children involved, definitely try and get support. If your bf had previously been loving and supportive, and this is out of character, then talk to him and tell him what will happen if he keeps taking it out on you. But if he's always had that side to him, or he just isn't that respectful or caring, then leave.
You are asking for ways to cope with abusive behavior, as a caregiver to a boyfriend? If he's not very appreciative of your efforts and instead finding fault with everything you are CHOOSING to do for him, he's an ungrateful bum. You don't look for ways to cope with abusive behavior, you look for ways to leave him and find a better life for yourself. At 47, this bf is in the prime of his life and you probably are too. Run away now, before it's too late. You deserve better.
Can you please clarify if you are talking about your BF or his family? Everyone has assumed it is coming from him, but is it? Or is it coming from others?
You don't take it. You leave. Being alone is highly preferable to being with someone who cuts you down, makes you feel inadequate, and doesn't love you. If abuse is his love language, there's no love at all, and you might as well accept it and figure out what to do next.
Please define/explain what you mean exactly by “blunt of the bull” If he’s verbally, physically, or emotionally abusive, you need to leave. No one deserves that, no matter the caregiving needed. If this isn’t a true relationship anymore, and you’re being used as a caregiver only, consider heavily is this is how you want your life to be as it could go on for many years like this or worse. It shouldn’t all land on you, very unfair
You don't. I so hope you have the option to leave. I so hope you have a job where you can take care of yourself because I would be out that door. There are no vows to bind you to this person. This person needs you more than you need him. And he needs to know that. Tell him if he doesn't straighten up you will leave.
If you don't work, you should. Not being married you do not get any of your BFs Social Security. You must work to get a decent amount of Social Security.
My Dad had heart problems and he would be a pain. Mom took it so long and then let him have it. There is something called the "gray rock method" look it up. You pretty much ignore the person like they aren't there. You continue to do for them but show no immotion. Read up on it.
Being ill does not give a person the right to take it out on someone else. Of course he is going to be miserable and cranky and you can be sympathetic to that but that does not mean you need to take any abuse.
It seems this has become 1. An unhappy relationship 2. A caregiving relationship that has little to do with love or 3. A combination of both.
You've posted this under "heart disease". Can you tell us more. What level of dependency are you dealing with? Is there depression in one so young dealing with severe heart disease? Has that been addressed? What is the prognosis? Are you being compensated to care for this gentleman? Are you living in his home?
It's my belief your relationship is no longer "boyfriend and girlfriend". You are now "Handicapped person and caregiver". Trust me, NO ONE loves the caregiver.
I would suggest honestly facing that you wish now to move on with another life on your own. Or at least exploring honestly your true feelings. Do understand we are none of us professional counselors. That is what I feel you need to iron on your intentions for now and your future. Please don't use that online cheap substitute for real care; they don't get paid and are worth less.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I have one word for you: leave.
I work as a paid caregiver and have run across these types. Usually there is no woman in sight and they will take the caregiver role out of context. I let them know up front that I am a Certified Nursing Assistant assigned to them. I have dealt with disrespect and abusive male verbal aggression which I reported to my supervisor.
You have two choices here. You can find out a way how to get paid for services you are providing as a caregiver and leave the role as the girlfriend/doormat at the door.
Boyfriends do not get husband privileges.
Or if you don't have a job. Train for one. Move out and live your life. Find a man who is worth investing your time and energy into. Too many women have settled for little or nothing dealing with these types of situations.
If it’s been 14 years and he never wanted to get married, that’s your cue. You do everything for him and he keeps you on a short leash. Wants you to wait on him, but doesn’t regard you as good enough.
Nobody ever deserves that.
Walk away.
Or, if you have anyone who could be with you while you explain, to protect you if need be, then do that.
If there are children involved, definitely try and get support.
If your bf had previously been loving and supportive, and this is out of character, then talk to him and tell him what will happen if he keeps taking it out on you.
But if he's always had that side to him, or he just isn't that respectful or caring, then leave.
You CAN get away from this. I hope you do.
If you don't work, you should. Not being married you do not get any of your BFs Social Security. You must work to get a decent amount of Social Security.
My Dad had heart problems and he would be a pain. Mom took it so long and then let him have it. There is something called the "gray rock method" look it up. You pretty much ignore the person like they aren't there. You continue to do for them but show no immotion. Read up on it.
Being ill does not give a person the right to take it out on someone else. Of course he is going to be miserable and cranky and you can be sympathetic to that but that does not mean you need to take any abuse.
1. An unhappy relationship
2. A caregiving relationship that has little to do with love
or
3. A combination of both.
You've posted this under "heart disease".
Can you tell us more.
What level of dependency are you dealing with?
Is there depression in one so young dealing with severe heart disease? Has that been addressed?
What is the prognosis?
Are you being compensated to care for this gentleman? Are you living in his home?
It's my belief your relationship is no longer "boyfriend and girlfriend".
You are now "Handicapped person and caregiver".
Trust me, NO ONE loves the caregiver.
I would suggest honestly facing that you wish now to move on with another life on your own. Or at least exploring honestly your true feelings.
Do understand we are none of us professional counselors. That is what I feel you need to iron on your intentions for now and your future. Please don't use that online cheap substitute for real care; they don't get paid and are worth less.