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I’m so sorry you are dealing with this!
i expect u will end up losing that 40k, but to me, it would be WORTH IT to gain back your lives and sanity.

I have a friend dealing w similar. Her father lives w one daughter and is combative, incontinent, falls, etc. She and her only sibling do EVERYTHING for him. Doctor appointments 3-4 days every week. The father owns land and timber. They don’t want medicaid to get it, but they are wearing themselves out to an early grave! He will surely outlive them. One daughter has already had cancer.”
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Talk to social work at the hospital. I imagine that will be part of the eval anyway. The only reason to wait for a look back is if there is money or property to lose. It’s too bad, but isn’t that what your mom’s assets are for anyway - to maintain her? Is it worth your mental health and safety to continue this way? Maybe she could go to day care a few days a week to give you respite. But maybe it’s time to let go.
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Thank you everyone, I appreciate all of the help and support very much. I'm sorry for not replying directly to the last few people who have commented. I'm so tired and overwhelmed, I don't have the mental energy for a lot of typing right now. Based on the way my mom has been since coming home from the neuro psych hospital, she may actually qualify for hospice. When I take her to her doctor appointment on Tuesday, I'm going to bring it up to see if her doctor agrees and will give us a referral. If that's the case and I can get them to come here to help out a few times a week, and offer respite now and then, we may be able to just keep her here at home. I don't know, we'll see. My head is spinning from all of the research I've been doing and all of the phone calls I've been making. I'm going to take a break from all of it until Monday or Tuesday. Thank you again to everyone for your help.
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A lot happened very quickly in the days after my mom was discharged from the hospital on Thursday last week. She began declining very rapidly and we called an ambulance for her Sunday night after she fell and hit her head. I had gotten her in bed and gave her her meds, then about 20-30 minutes later my husband and I heard her yelling and crying. I went to her room and found her on the floor, as had been the case so many times recently. Her CT scan was normal but her blood work was not. She was admitted and on Wednesday afternoon she was moved to a hospice facility. I went to visit her Wednesday evening and spent a couple of hours there, talking to her even though she couldn't respond. I got a call at 1am today that she had just passed. I'm only writing this here because I know that some of you were wanting to hear updates about what the lawyer said after the consultation on Dec. 7th. I'm going to keep that appointment and now use it to ask questions such as, do I need to track down and try to contact my mom's husband to notify him, since I'm the executor of her estate? Anyone who has been following along knows there is no estate, but I want to make sure I'm doing everything that I'm legally supposed to do. I'm in total shock right now and having a hard time processing all of this. I truly believe something happened while my mom was in the neuro psych facility that lead to this sudden change, because it all happened so fast after she came home and it just doesn't make any sense to me. She had bruises on her head when we picked her up. They were old ones too, they were green. The hospital never told us anything happened, we just saw them when she was discharged and when we asked, we were told that whatever happened wasn't witnessed and they couldn't explain the bruising. I'm glad that my mom isn't suffering anymore from the nightmare that dementia is, but I just want her back. I can't believe any of this has happened.
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Shannon, I am so sorry for your loss. May The Lord give you strength, peace and comfort during this new season.

Praise The Lord that your mom has been released from her pain and suffering.
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ShannonEgen Nov 2022
Thank you, I'm thankful it's over for her. It had been so awful.
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My condolences.
When it happens, often it happens quickly after a fall or bump. Our bodies get so fragile as we age that any issue can cause a cascading failure.
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ShannonEgen Nov 2022
Thank you. I'm still just in shock over the way it all unfolded in a matter of days.
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Shannon, I'm so sorry to hear this!
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Shannon,
I’m so sorry about your mom.
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ShannonEgen Nov 2022
Thank you.
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Shannon, so very sorry for your loss. Your mother is free of the torment that is dementia now. I wish you peace and healing now as you move forward in the days ahead
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ShannonEgen Nov 2022
Thank you, I appreciate it. I didn't see this coming, not this soon.
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Shannon,
So very sorry for your loss.

I agree with ITRR's words for you exactly:
"Shannon, I am so sorry for your loss. May The Lord give you strength, peace and comfort during this new season.

Praise The Lord that your mom has been released from her pain and suffering."
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ShannonEgen Nov 2022
Thank you, I appreciate it.
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