Today was one of those days where I leave the VA home crying and sobbing because I can see how depressed and unhappy daddy is. There is nothing I can say or do other than getting him out of there. Of course, that's not happening though. I asked my father this morning if he wanted me to come up there every day and he said "yeah, if you want to." I know this means yes I do want you to come see me every day. I would love to go up there every day but I don't have the money for gas to go each and every day. I guess my question is, am I doing him more harm than good with me trying to get up there every day? All this sucks so bad, I just wish I knew all the answers to all the questions I have....anyway, thanks for listening!
Joann has a very good point about the visits being for you and not your Dad. That doesn’t mean they don’t count. Of course they do. Any living thing does better when it’s tended. But that includes you as well. Life is symbiotic. Each person is important. Dad’s needs are being met as well as our society can meet them.
You are responsible to see that your needs are met. One of those being to check on your father but you have other needs that you must tend to that have nothing to do with him.
When you asked your dad that question it was a layer of guilt you were placing on yourself. Have a wonderful visit each time and go about your life knowing you are a good daughter and that you are loved.
How long has he been at the VA? (Not able to click on previous messages at this time) If recent, you have to give him time. People who suffer from Dementia/ALZ do not adjust well to change.
This is what your Dad needs. He is safe, fed and cared for. I really doubt if he knows one day from the next. My Mom went to visit a SIL, my Aunt. On the way out, Mom passed her other SIL, my other Aunt, coming in. When SIL got to her sister's room, she said "I just saw Peggy. Did u have a nice visit" My Aunt says "Peggy wasn't here". If your father's short term is shot, he won't know if u have been there or not. What it comes down to is, your visits are more for you than him. So don't wear yourself out and spend money you don't have. Visit when u can.
Your dad has had a stroke. Strokes often affect brain chemistry. Has he been seen by a psychiatrist to evaluate for depression? Antidepressant meds HELP!
You should not destroy your life, livelihood, career and future to visit dad every day. He has caregivers. There are activities.
Please, advocate for your dad to get the care he needs.