I'm caring for my brother who has early onset dementia caused by chronic alcoholism. He also has COPD, etc. Anyone caring for a sibling?

I don't have any advice for you but I would like to state that since your brother hasn't drank for 7 years I really doubt his drinking caused his dementia. The reason I say that is because I'm a recovering alcoholic who's been sober for over 35 years (attended endless AA meetings, met with several doctors, etc.).

The brain repairs itself once a person stops drinking. There are many articles that state this (you should google this yourself as there are so many articles):

Alcoholics' Brains Recover Quickly After Detox | Live Science
How Long To Reverse Effects of Alcohol Abuse? (americanaddictioncenters.org)

That said anyone can get dementia no matter their age and if they drank or not.

I also suggest that you seek out therapy since it seems to me that you are still blaming your brother as well as your mom for ruining your life, they did not ruin your life as you are in control of your own life and as an adult you need to make decisions that are best for you. Stop the blame game and take responsibility for yourself (as I said you may need therapy in order to do this).

Sorry, I do not mean to come off as harsh. My words come from my own experience as I grew up in a dysfunctional family. I sought out therapy and took control of my life and stopped blaming others for my problems. I hope you do the same.

Anyway, if you can't handle helping your brother then you should find a place that will take him. Not everyone is meant to be a caregiver. Do you have POA of your brother? There are legal aspects to this as well.

I also second that you should get your brother a total workup from a reputable doctor.

I wish you and your brother the best,
Jenna

Thanks for the answers. I feel alone so much of the time because sibling care is not the norm. Usually it's adult children caring for aging parents. I remember being afraid to be a normal young adult because his alcoholism progressed so quickly From first drink at 17 to DUI charges and arrests by 19. I feel like addiction has ruled my whole life though I've never been an addict. My mother tried to force me to enable him and enter into their codependent relationship. She never drank but grew up in an alcoholic home. I could never convince her she was causing harm by shielding him from consequences of his behavior. When I married at 21, I was able to separate myself from their dysfunction while maintaining a relationship with my mom and a cordial one with my brother. He has Wernike-Korsakoff syndrome and was misdiagnosed. Now the effects are permanent and he has the mental and social capacity of a 10-12 year old. He continues to live in his home only because I'm willing to help him with marketing, bill paying, and medication reminders. He's my brother and I love him. He got sober too late and even occasional pot use has significant effects for several days. I know when the time for full time care comes, he'll be devastated. I've explained that he can never live with me and Ill never agree to providing any more care than I currently provide. Im angry at him for a life of bad choices and I'm angry at my deceased mother for leaving me with a mess she helped create. I'm having flashbacks of his drinking days and her trying to force me to take him with me and my friends who would always end up babysitting him. He lost all his own friends as the addiction progressed. I'm widowed, both parents diseased and my children live in different states. He's my only relative nearby and I remember when he was a handsome, kind, popular, young man who loved everything and everyone. Thanks for listening!

Your care in his home may be enabling him to stay home. He needs first of all a good physical workup. The use of the marijuana should be mentioned at that time.
My bro's ex had to be in care at ALF at the early age of late 60s due to alcoholic encepholopathy. Your brother may require that care as well. Yes, if you walk away he "could get hurt". But that doesn't mean you must instead sacrifice your own life to his care. I am so very sorry.
My brother was diagnosed with early probable Lewy's Dementia at age 83. He got all his affairs in order, sold his last small home and moved to ALF. He and I always knew there was no option for us living together, much we loved one another. I took over managing his finances so his money could stay protected and bills paid. He died age 85 before he could descend into dementia to any degree. He was always the brightest and best at his ALF and learned to have his own activities and friends.
My advice is to know your limitations. To recognize and honor them. Other's judgement of you and of the amount of love you bear your brother is completely irrelevant.
Start now with a good workup and an honest conversation.

Hello,

I cared for my brother. He was a long time drug addict.

His best friend offered him drugs. He succumbed to peer pressure. He knew nothing about drugs being addictive.

My parents didn’t even drink. They never thought about speaking to their kid in jr high about drugs. There weren’t any drug education programs back them. It was hard growing up with an addict.

He’s dead now. In spite of his issues he had a kind heart.

I loved him as my brother but hated his lifestyle.

There were times earlier in his life that he managed to get his act together for awhile, even owned a successful business at one point. Sadly, he couldn’t fight off his demons.

He lost everything meaningful in his life.

Our relationship was a complicated one, to be sure.

Mom enabled my brother. She fell for his manipulation. Daddy gave up trying to help him.

It broke my heart that mom had to bury her first born child.

I took my brother to all of his doctor appointments. He had HepatitisC, diabetes, etc.

I took him grocery shopping and all other errands.

I cleaned his apartment but stopped after I pricked myself on one of his needles. Thank God, it didn’t break through my skin.

He had a horrible accident and totaled his motorcycle. He nearly died.

In the hospital he asked me to go buy heroin for him and I completely lost it.

He had never asked me to do that before but he was in such extreme pain from the accident.

I went into the hospital corridor to catch my breath and completely fell apart.

I had been under so much stress caring for him and my mom at the same time.

Fortunately, a nurse offered comfort to me.
She asked if she could help when she saw me crying and I told her about my brother.

She told me to go to Al Anon meetings, and reassured me that the nursing staff dealt with alcoholics and drug addicts and for me to get some rest and take care of myself.

She was so kind and compassionate. I will never forget her.

Meanwhile my mom and brother are asking me to allow him to live in my house so I could care for him full time! I already had mom in my home.

I told both of them, “No!”

Continue to say NO to your brother living with you!

My brother bounced from pillar to post and eventually lived in a senior apartment complex for awhile.

They only charged a portion of his disability payments.

He became homeless for a time.

An old man had mercy for him and allowed him to stay in an unused trailer that he owned.

I cut ties with him because his care became too much.

I desperately tried to get him to go to rehab and he always refused.

When he was nearing death the old man brought him to a wonderful hospice facility.

My brother contacted me and wanted to see the family to say his goodbyes.

I contacted his grown children to tell them where he was. My niece and nephew came, along with his grandchildren.

I brought my mom to see him. I made peace with him and forgave him.

He died in 2013 at age 67. I had his body cremated and he is buried in the plot with my father.

I feel your pain. Don’t take on more than you can handle. Walk away when needed.

Look into what services are available.

A social worker is a good place to start.

You have your hands full. Best wishes to you and your brother.