I have been my Mom’s caregiver for 8 years. No help from family members. She is in the end stages of dementia. Can do nothing for herself. I have hospice a couple times a week, and 3 times a week an aide comes in for a couple hours. I am still emotionally and physically drained. She is 92 and I am 68. How long can she hang on?
I know this might not be a choice you want, there comes a time to let a nursing home take over the care. When my Mom [also in her 90's] had a serious fall which accelerated her dementia into late stages, I knew there was no way I could care for her, she needs a Staff of professionals who have been down this road hundreds of times over. My Mom's quality of life was totally gone. She went into long-term-care, where thankfully she passed peacefully after three months.
Ask yourself, what if something happens to you? Who in the family will take your place? If no one, then can you see why a nursing home is the place for Mom. Unless Mom was savings to have 3 shifts of caregivers each day at home.
I know children promise their parent that they would never go into a nursing home, but that was back when the parent was still active, driving a car, doing their own grocery shopping, and meeting up with friends.
None of this is fair for you or fair for your Mom.
Is there any way you can get more help with Mom? Maybe in exchange for accepting their refusal to help and taking care of Mom yourself, other family members could pitch in financially to get you more help. Also, you might want to speak with your doctor. If you haven’t had a complete physical in a while, you may benefit from an antidepressant.