Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
MD1748: Thanks again for your kind words...I also sometimes wish for a sister like me - but am more convinced than ever before that looking to strangers for end of life care really is the better way to go (I speak only for myself, of course.)
I think my sister is beginning to have this problem too. A few weeks ago she met her young (30-ish) male neighbor in the hallway of their apartment building. He was pleasant and friendly, enquiring how she was. Her response seemed over the top to me, almost giddy to see him again, and she gave him a great big hug like she would one of her adult grandsons. It was definitely too much, imo. The neighbor was nice enough to laugh it off and take it in stride.
Last week at Farmers Market her balance was off and she stumbled into a man next to her. Instead of backing up, giving the man space, she clutched onto his arm and began chatting him up like they were old friends. The man removed her hand from his arm as I steered her away.
Today at a picnic, I reintroduced her to someone she had been aquainted with a few years ago, but definitely not someone she knew well at all. My sister was, again, over the top friendly, and gave the woman a huge hug like they were long lost friends. I could tell the woman was put off by it.
I have no doubt my sister is doing her best to be the outgoing, friendly person she use to be...but no longer really able to read the social cues, or remember what behavior is appropriate for those who are not family members. I can only hope she doesn't get any more extreme than this.
MD, do you understand that bulletin boards have been around for about 28 years and the “lingo” is standard?
DH= dear husband LEO= law enforcement DW= dear wife DD= dear daughter LO= loved one, little one, hello etc SWIM= someone who isn’t me IDC= I don’t care BRB= be right back FTW= for the win ICYMI= in case you missed it
There does come a time in dementia when a person cannot be taken out in public anymore. The caregiver has to have common sense and discretion on where and when they should stop taking someone to certain places.
For example when someone is urine and bowel incontinent, has to be spoon fed, or can still self-feed but slops it all over the place that's when going to restaurants should stop.
If they're trying to kiss strangers, making inappropriate comments, and are scaring children or making others uncomfortable that's when it's time to stop taking them out in public. Socialization needs can be met by adult day care a a few hours a week. They are staffed to deal with dementia behaviors. Or visiting close friends and family who are aware of their conditions can be their socialization too. It's all about caregiver discretion.
With dementia the "social filters" we have that have allowed us to lead a life in society are lost. This is why someone who may never uttered a single swear word now sounds like a longshoreman. (apologies to any longshoremen on the site) This is why a gentleman will decide it is OK to pee on the backyard fence. This is why a person may get touchy feely, or want to kiss everyone. You try to divert the kiss and make it a handshake, or you try turning the person in another direction, you stand in front of your LO and start a conversation with the person. If he gets there first you can apologize and say "I'm sorry about that, dad has dementia and he is very outgoing"
At some point the outings may have to stop. When it is no longer safe to take someone out you readjust your schedule or where you go.
Go shopping when it is less crowded Have a picnic lunch in the park rather than a restaurant. (or only go to a little local place where everyone knows everyone and they all know dad and what is going on.)
A friend of mine had a similar problem with her mother focusing on hugging and kissing children. She changed their lunch outings to small bars that served food in order to avoid the possibility. "Dive bars" became their safe haven from children. As polarbear advised, she had to physically restrain her mother from touching children.
You can try telling them but either it may not register or they'll forget it quickly. I'm assuming you've already tried this or you wouldn't be asking on this forum.
Figure out a diplomatic way to intervene when you see your LO is fixing to kiss someone, like step in front of them and take their right hand and extend it to shake the other person's, or tell them they've had a cold and need to keep the contact to just handshakes, etc. Be creative.
I find that it does register with someone when they are told in the moment. Of course they will not remember for the next time you take them out.
I had a few clients always women, who would be all over kids they didn't know and go crazy if they saw a baby somewhere. I would tell them quietly but firmly that they were acting ridiculous and if they don't stop we will be leaving. It usually worked. When it didn't I was true to my word and we'd leave wherever we were. Other clients when the snide and rude comments to and about strangers started up, that was usually when I called it a day on taking them out in public.
Read your profile. So guess I mean tell him not to. You tell us nothing, Susie, so it is difficult for us to tell what's happening. If this is a senior who has severe dementia then folks are going to have to maintain distance; this is a very bad habit to have in this our time.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Not sure if they mentioned to what degree the kissing is.
Thanks again for your kind words...I also sometimes wish for a sister like me - but am more convinced than ever before that looking to strangers for end of life care really is the better way to go (I speak only for myself, of course.)
Last week at Farmers Market her balance was off and she stumbled into a man next to her. Instead of backing up, giving the man space, she clutched onto his arm and began chatting him up like they were old friends. The man removed her hand from his arm as I steered her away.
Today at a picnic, I reintroduced her to someone she had been aquainted with a few years ago, but definitely not someone she knew well at all. My sister was, again, over the top friendly, and gave the woman a huge hug like they were long lost friends. I could tell the woman was put off by it.
I have no doubt my sister is doing her best to be the outgoing, friendly person she use to be...but no longer really able to read the social cues, or remember what behavior is appropriate for those who are not family members.
I can only hope she doesn't get any more extreme than this.
I think my default advice now for anyone’s problem will be: they need a little cat.
Should I get POA? They need a little cat.
How do I get my LO to shower? They need a little cat.
DH= dear husband
LEO= law enforcement
DW= dear wife
DD= dear daughter
LO= loved one, little one, hello etc
SWIM= someone who isn’t me
IDC= I don’t care
BRB= be right back
FTW= for the win
ICYMI= in case you missed it
Etc Etc Etc
For example when someone is urine and bowel incontinent, has to be spoon fed, or can still self-feed but slops it all over the place that's when going to restaurants should stop.
If they're trying to kiss strangers, making inappropriate comments, and are scaring children or making others uncomfortable that's when it's time to stop taking them out in public. Socialization needs can be met by adult day care a a few hours a week. They are staffed to deal with dementia behaviors. Or visiting close friends and family who are aware of their conditions can be their socialization too. It's all about caregiver discretion.
This is why someone who may never uttered a single swear word now sounds like a longshoreman. (apologies to any longshoremen on the site)
This is why a gentleman will decide it is OK to pee on the backyard fence.
This is why a person may get touchy feely, or want to kiss everyone.
You try to divert the kiss and make it a handshake, or you try turning the person in another direction, you stand in front of your LO and start a conversation with the person.
If he gets there first you can apologize and say "I'm sorry about that, dad has dementia and he is very outgoing"
At some point the outings may have to stop.
When it is no longer safe to take someone out you readjust your schedule or where you go.
Go shopping when it is less crowded
Have a picnic lunch in the park rather than a restaurant. (or only go to a little local place where everyone knows everyone and they all know dad and what is going on.)
You will have to physically stop him each time unless the potential receiver wants to be kissed.
Figure out a diplomatic way to intervene when you see your LO is fixing to kiss someone, like step in front of them and take their right hand and extend it to shake the other person's, or tell them they've had a cold and need to keep the contact to just handshakes, etc. Be creative.
I find that it does register with someone when they are told in the moment. Of course they will not remember for the next time you take them out.
I had a few clients always women, who would be all over kids they didn't know and go crazy if they saw a baby somewhere.
I would tell them quietly but firmly that they were acting ridiculous and if they don't stop we will be leaving. It usually worked. When it didn't I was true to my word and we'd leave wherever we were.
Other clients when the snide and rude comments to and about strangers started up, that was usually when I called it a day on taking them out in public.