Is it the children's responsibility to take care of their elder parent?

As for me being in the situation I have to take the side of yes, we should care for our parents. It depends to what degree. If it is meals a few times a week, not so bad. If it is 24 hour care that is another story. So they give you birth, raise you, possibly pay for your education. Want to give you and grand children a inheritance? That is worth fighting over who takes care of dad? If he has to move in with you then its a different game. It is not selfish to care for your family, it is the right thing to do. If he has finances it is time to talk with him and have a plan. Also talk with siblings. My case there was not plan, I was the plan... "some assembly required and siblings not included"..... Your husband is doing the right thing but now is the time to plan...... before it gets worse.

To some reasonable degree, yes but it really depends on the situation. If the parents were dangerous toward their children, if the children became a ward of the state for safety reasons, then no, in such cases they have absolutely no obligation to their abusers. Such was the case in my particular situation because my parents turned out to be killers who also wouldn't provide for their kids. In these types of cases, then no, absolutely not! Doing so anyway only puts you right back in danger and in harm's way because after you were rescued, you were expected to have a better life and make healthy choices. Therefore, taking care of your abuser in their old age and risking your safety all over again is not a healthy choice.

Now, if your parents were good to you then yes, you owe them something. If your parents were good to you then you should take as good of care of them as they did of you when you were little and throughout your childhood. Your parents carried you when you were little, now carry them when they're old.

Something I saw about the laws in China

According to something I saw online about Chinese laws, it's illegal for Chinese grown children to abandon their aging parents. Grown children must frequently visit their aging parents and provide for them. However, I'm not sure if there is a provision for those whose parents abused them, they should never be required to care for their abusers, doing so will only put those surviving children right back in danger.

* Had my particular incident happened in China, I would've fled the country somehow in order to get out from under the law of having to care for my abusers. If fleeing the country wasn't possible, I would've definitely vanished, never to be found again

As others have mentioned & I totally agree with "It depends" & my story is Mom refuses to go to an extended care facility, not for money but because she doesn't want to leave her home... When my dad died, my unemployed brother had his foot in the door before Dad was buried, he said he would take care of Mom, so I didn't fight him. Now almost 20 years later, Mom is 82, just had a pacemaker put in, & she has GI issues which my brother hates.. I am over 800 miles away, & wish I were there for her, but she won't come live with me either, she just wants to be in her home. Family dilemmas and circumstances are so vastly varied, each situation has to handled in it's unique way. You have to find patience in yourself, at least your husband WANTS to help, unlike so many children, who always put their own lives first, & unwilling to help out in time of need... but suddenly show up to see "who gets what" at the end... (this shows one's true character when all is said & done) I want so badly to have Mom in a happy situation, she is doing what she wants, despite my brothers ill intentions!!

Do you have children? If so were you a loving mother? When you become more frail will you want those children to help or say "sorry mom, not in the mood."? You model behavior for your children and they are watching.

I am going to be pretty direct here so be prepared. I am reading your story and am looking for a complaint in need of a problem to complain about. There are enough children and everyone is engaged enough that your husband brings dinner just one time per week. So if he stays a weekend it will be once every five or six weeks maybe less often? And this is a problem? There are people whose jobs take them out of town multiple nights a week -every week - and the stay at home spouse is understanding.

You cannot entertain yourself for one night a week? Create girls movie night and go to dinner and a movie. Join a mahjong or pakeeno group, Soak in a fragrance filled tub, make a banana split. Make this night all about your needs and not having to put anyone else first, spoil yourself.

On the weekend he cares for dad, get them to meet you for Saturday breakfast or dinner out, but the day is all yours if you want. If you get lonely go over to FIL house and visit with them a few hours. Challenge them to a game of chicken foot (dominoes) and make it competitive. Then say goodbye you'll see him Sunday at 6:00pm or whatever has been agreed to. Use that weekend for your visit to your parents, sibling, cousin, friend.

This time between your husband and father is precious. This man raised, fed, clothed, and gave life to your husband. He had a major hand in molding your husband into the man you selected to share your life with. The care your husband is extending to his father, he will extend to you when you need him. Thank heavens that this old man was willing to stick by and raise your husband, to grow into the man whose company you clearly enjoy.

In time dad's needs may increase to an unacceptable level. But the level of care you are talking about now is inconvenient, but not so demanding. This is what a loving family does for one another. Open your heart and be charitable to your husband instead of judgmental. He sounds like a pretty special guy, and your the one he chose to spend his life with, that says a lot about you too.

I've seen a case where the Husband thinks the care is his responsibility and then goes off to work and the care giving falls on his wife. This is not fair at all, yet happens all the time. If the elderly parent can afford independant living, this is much more rewarding for them because they are in a place where many others are the same age with similar interests and memories as they have. There are many activities they can join into as well, making the elderly one's life better.

Your husband's primary responsibility is to his family--that is you and the children. Period. It is NOT to his father.

Traditionally, in America, the elder care burden fell onto the shoulders of the oldest daughter. Now that, for most families, women *have* to work in order to make ends meet / afford to raise their families in safe neighborhoods with good schools, the eldest daughter is really squeezed if asked to provide elder care and fulfill her duty both as a mother and a wife.

Your husband's father can afford care. He probably can afford an apartment in Independent Living (with contract assistance) or an Assisted Living facility. Your father in law should be spending his hard earned money on himself, by either paying for help or moving to somewhere where he can get the assistance he needs. This way, he'll have more time to spend with his grandchildren--and time with grandpa is more valuable than money from grandpa. By wanting family care beyond what you can reasonably provide, he is being extremely selfish and not doing right by his grandkids.

It's time for a family meeting between your husband and his siblings. They need to discuss caring for their father--what they are willing to do and how much time they can put toward this. In preparation for this meeting, I would advise your husband to visit all of the independent living and assisted living facilities, ask about bullying (bullying is such a universal problem in these places that I wouldn't even consider letting a relative live in a place that doesn't actively look for bullying and nip in the bud), lifestyle, health care and finances. He should also have information about the local senior support services. He should present to his siblings care options that he can afford.

When talking to grandpa about elder care options, I would use the 'hook', "being able to spend more time with the grandkids..." Should he receive help by someone outside the family, you'll have more time to be family. Being able to spend more time together as a family, where he can be with the grandkids, is much more valuable than any amount of money he can give the grandkids. That's how I would begin approaching him about getting care from an outside source, whether it's a home health care agency or moving to an Independent Living or Assisted Living apartment complex.

I am a fan of elder care coordinators, particularly if they're very experienced advanced practice nurse or social workers. I've had very good luck using one. They're expensive, but can be worth it. They are generally very knowledgable when it comes to the relative merits of local home care agencies and living arrangements, such as Independent Livings and Assisted Livings. You *might* want to pick the brains of one, for it might help narrow down which agencies / service providers or living facilities you might want to consider. An elder care coordinator just might speed up your research, but this sort of help doesn't come cheap, by any means.

When doing research on elder care providers / living arrangements, ask around. Let people know that you are looking for information, that you want the real dope on the services around. You never know who, amongst your acquaintances has been through a similar situation and is more than willing to share experiences. If you are religious--attend regular enough that people have seen your face--talk to the leadership. Many religious leaders are more than familiar with elder care issues and have experience visiting people who live in various settings / using various caregiving services. Another source would be your Council for the Aging / Senior Center. They have social workers who are usually familiar with the caregiving options available where your father in law lives.

How do I know these things? Been there, done that.

Good luck. I hope this helps
DoN

I don't mean any harm, but why do you resent it? We moved my MIL into our house until she passed away from cancer. We are currently living with my moms to take care of her. She has CHF and we have hospice. We moved in here last November and still work our 40-hour a week job. Has it been hard? Yes. Did we give up our lives? Yes. We have no regrets. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I have a special husband that doesn't complain and helps me every step of our journey.

I agree with Alzh101. There's really no way to equate caring for children with caring for the elderly. There's a lot of joy in raising children - that's why people do it. And those who can't will try fertility treatments or adoption. There's nobody out there clamoring to adopt the dependent elderly - that tells you something right there.

In addition, people become parents when it fits into their lifestyle to do it. My mother was a stay at home mom for most of my childhood - I'm not saying it was easy but it was what she chose to do, and my father earned enough to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. She started working outside the home when my parents divorced, but by that time the older children (including me) could watch the younger kids, put dinner on, help with the housework, etc.

By the time our parents need help we've all fashioned other lives for ourselves. Families, jobs, homes in other states, etc. Being yanked back into daily contact with our parents usually involves a major disruption of everything we've put together in our adult lives. Assuming we're even well enough to do it and not overburdened by other responsibilities such as a sick spouse. It annoys the he!! out of me when people try to say that we owe our parents this humungous sacrifice because of all the sacrifices they made for us.

In my experience, outsiders who are NOT taking care of aging elders say yes it is because parents took care of us with no strings attached. Personally, that statement is BS. Parents are legally bound to care for children they bring into the world. Children (especially those of us past 50 ourselves) , may have a myriad of things going on just be trying to stay afloat. Add ailing parents to the equation and it gets very complex. We ARE living in different times. People are living longer but some with horrible diseases that would have mercifully taken them in decades past. I keep hearing that 60% of CAREGIVERS die before the people they are caring for. There is a huge difference in making sure your loved one is being cared for and you being the one doing the hands on caring. The stress and adjustments can be huge, especially if the parent is in in your home or worse yet, you move in to their home. No matter how good a relationship you had before an illness, a chronic illness is stressful. Remember the saying," it takes a village to raise a child"? Well it is even more true that it takes one to care for an ailing parent. No one person can do it 24/7 without something else being sacrificed. Is it a child's responsibility to care for their ill parents?

It's not responsibility it's love and care. Ask yourself who will be responsible for you should the time come. Your husband? If you have the money to have someone else to attend the person then your responsibility would be that the attention is given. Remember. it's their job to attend not necessarily in a manner you might expect that's where love and care come in to the picture. I was sole care giver for my mom. My siblings lived out of town. The loving memories I have for being there can never be replaced. I hope I get the same but I don't have kids or husband. God blessed mom in the end with the best care as she gave my brother who was profoundly disabled the best care. Go visit your in-law alone, give him a hug, talk to him and bring him a treat.

The fact that ANYONE thinks it is someone else's responsibility to take care of them is simply wrong. Child or not. It is your responsibility to take care of yourself, and that includes planning for the future and your retirement. If you are lucky enough to have someone who does want to help, that is exactly what it is: LUCK. There are many of us out there who don't have any children (me included) so it us up to us to plan for our future. Yes, I do have a spouse, but whose to say who will go first? Then what? And, the same goes for children. No one should EXPECT their parents or grandparents to leave them an inheritance. The money they make/have is theirs to do what they want/need with. It is the child's responsibility to grow up and take care of themselves. Again, if they are lucky enough to receive some inheritance, then that is exactly what it is: LUCK. I think this is the problem we have in the world today....no one wants to take responsibility for their own actions. They want to "blame" everyone else for their own issues/problems and make someone else responsible. People live way beyond their means....and way beyond their needs.... and make poor choices, and when they find themselves in trouble, they EXPECT others to jump in, give up their lives/needs/wants to bail out the one in trouble. Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. Parents need to let go of their children and let them stand on their own two feet, and that includes not worrying about leaving them any inheritance. If more folks did that, maybe we wouldn't have the generation of spoiled, "entitled" brats we have coming up in this world today. On the same hand, those parents need to "grow up" themselves and quit using "I want to leave you some inheritance" as an excuse for not going into assisted living or letting professionals help care for them when it is finally needed. They have had a chance to live their lives the way they chose (whether those choices were good or not was their own doing) and now it is time for their children to do the same free and clear of guilt or obligation.

Honor thy mother and father means that you make sure that they are clean, safe, and fed. It doesn't mean that you need to do hands on care yourself. Does the live in brother deserve time off? Absolutley, but it doesn't mean that you have to spend the weekends with FIL, taking a meal over to him and visiting is a nice gesture. Know your limitations and make sure that hubby understands what you, yourself, are willing to do and not do and stick to it. For those who drag up the whole they took care of you for 18 years, that argument is bologny and doesn't hold a whole lot of water. Your parents were not in their 80's when they had you. They were in theirr 20's or 30's when they had you and had the energy to raise kids. Your parents wanted kids. Your FIL's needs are going to go up as he ages and no matter what, live in brother is going to burn out. Then alternative arrangments will have to be made.

I am often surprised by some of the questions and answers I see on this forum. I believe that you are being selfish when it comes to your ideas of caring for a parent. Years ago parents and grandparents often lived in the same household. A lot has changed since then, however, your parents raised you. You should let them down especially as they start to age and have health issues. At least your husband has help from his siblings. That is something I don't have. My mother is 92 and still lives in her own home. I did move her closer to me, as my oldest sister who lived down the street from our mom didn't have much to do her even when she was rushed to the hospital because our mom fell. My sister won't even go to the hospital to stay while they examined her. I had to drive an hour away and take time off from my job to go to the hospital. Sick of my sister's attitude which is all about her, my one brother (who recently passed away) talked our mom into moving within 10 mins of where I live. My brother lived one state over but even he would come and get Mom and have her stay with him and his wife for a week or more at a time. Even when my Mom moved closer to me, he would come over for a week or more and stay with Mom. My other siblings live too far away to assist. Our mom relies on me for everything and I have had to rearrange my life and hers to make a good fit. My mom still drives to the senior center every day. I take her to doctor's appts, and grocery shopping on the weekends. I also take her and I to get body massages once a month. Sometimes if we have the extra money we get pedicures. I recently started doing water aerobics 4 times a week at the local YMCA. I love it and it really helps me with my aches and pains. I am 61 and I started having my mom join us 2 days a week. She really enjoys the time I spend with her and I make the best of it. She likes to go out to dinner with my husband and our 2 sons once or twice a month. I will do whatever it takes to keep my mom in her house and independent as long as possible. I also enjoy being able to keep my mom involved in her community and getting her out and about. My mom has some memory issues but when she stays active it helps keep her mind active. I hope that when it is my time my sons take care of me that they don't abandon me. Which is what it sounds like you want your husband to do. I hope I am wrong about that. If there is a way to enjoy this time while your father in-law is still alive then make the best of it. Every weekend you and the siblings could get together for a Sat or Sun dinner. I am sure your father in-law would love that. I'm sure he didn't intend to become a burden and as long as you treat him as a burden then it doesn't help you or him mentally. If you treat it as a time to spend with family and friends by having them over for a get together that it will help make the time not so burdensome. If the weather is good have cookouts and have him participate. Ask him questions about his life as a child and he will probably tell some pretty funny stories. Enjoy the time you have left with your elderly relatives. You never know when it will be you in their shoes. You get what you give.

My mother is 104 and now has dementia. She has Social Security, but remember she worked part of the time before there was SS, so it is very little. She also has a very small pension for the short term she worked under one. There is no way for anyone to take care of her in my home so I have her in a dementia facility, but I am going broke paying for this. What needs to be changed is the Income Tax law since I can't claim her since her income, even excluding her Social Security is over $4,000 a year. Do you know anyone who can live on $4,000 a year with the needed full-time care she needs? Certainly not in California. Anyone with other tax information, please respond.

I am in this situation right now, and it's so difficult. My husband is 84, with Lewy Body Dementia which was diagnosed 4 years ago. He is getting much worse, to the point where he sometimes doesn't recognize that I am his wife. We have 5 kids, two of whom live way out of state. The other three are not very helpful on a regular basis, unless I ask for help. As primary caregiver, and 79 years old, with recently discovered health problems, I am in a quandary as to what to do next.

Do we "owe" our parents taking care of them? Who took care of YOU for probably 18 years????? Who fed you, made sure your clothes were clean, made sure there was food in the house, nurtured you when you were sick, took you places....and a lot of THEM worked full time, too, AND had other children! I'm sorry, but even if you can't take care of them full time, yes, you DO owe them!!!! If they have the means, yes, they should hire care, and you may be able to convince them that you would, as my parents have always said, "give it with a warm hand than a cold one" and just have the frank discussion that not having to worry about them falling in their own home alone, etc, means a WHOLE lot more to you than the inheritance will. We were lucky...our parents bought long-term care insurance and we finally moved them into assisted living in their 90's after my mom was hospitalized by a UTI. But both my sister and I visit them several times a week, call almost every day, and make sure they know they are loved and watched over. When Dad, who has Alzheimer's, was admitted to the hospital for 8 days, I was there every day from 5-11 hours a day. They gave us EVERYTHING when we were growing up...we will give them all we can NOW when the roles are reversed!

I guess I feel different, my mom (90) is in assisted living and I am her caretaker, she feels terrible that I check on her every 2 days (feels like a burden) to me she would of never of wanted it for me @ my family, but she didn't get to sign an application to have dementia so she can't help that this ugly disease. is robbing her of everything, she was a wonderful mother to us kids @ I was very blessed to have her, so I am returning the favor, she was always there for me I will be there for her period

I don't think our parents expect us to take care of them?!! However, I feel that I need to take of my parents out of love because they raised me and my brother in their past. My parents hated to lose their independence. I feel it is the children's responsibility to look out for their parents when they are no longer can focus for themselves and hiring caregivers when time is right.

The Bible says children should "pay their parents back" by taking care if them when they're old. This does not mean you personally have to take care if yhem, but it dues mean you have to see that they're well taken care of.

Hi Janet: Been there and done that. When dealing with the elderly it is like dealing with a child. I would suggest that you talk to your husband and have him talk to the siblings regarding the circumstance ( Ex: Take turns in taking care of dad ) and they should insist that elderly help be mandatory. There is nothing wrong with live in or custodial help even on a day time basis then move into live in help. Don't jeopardize your marriage over this but tell your husband how you feel there is nothing wrong with that. appeal to your husbands reasoning carefully. remember you owe your parents nothing but at the same time you do want to help where you can. Good luck. Keep me posted.

My situation, too. My husband retired early to help his one older brother (already retired) and mom take care of Dad at home.
One meal a week and an occasional weekend shared by all siblings is not a bad problem, IMO.
Dad's live-in son really needs the time off, too.
In our situation, Dad has always shown a preference for my husband's brother. The favored son. This made me even more resentful of the time my husband spent away from me taking care of a man who had always treated him as an unwanted child.
I gritted my teeth, tried to help out some where I could. But, I put my foot down when my husband's health was becoming compromised from too little sleep and too much stress.
My own parents did not expect in-home care from their kids. Mom had cared in-home for her mom, and she would never have asked that of us!
FIL had his mom in his house for about 2 weeks. She was able to care of herself, but was having dementia. He shipped her off to a sister PDQ.
Yet, he expects his sons to give up their entire lives to take care of him. Literally--to the point of illness and even death.
So....every situation is different. Everyone on here has a story. You write your own.
My advice is same I gave my husband: Determine how many hours per week you are able to devote to Dad's care, explain that to the siblings, and help find hired help for the rest. Sounds like your husband and His siblings are doing that now.
My husband did more than he was able. His brother did even more. Finally, FIL is in a NH now and is better cared for and happier. Go figure.
Support your husband, but remind him that you need some (but not all) of his time, too. And he needs enjoyable time spent with you to help him relax and figure the best plan of action.

Mom was failing miserably due to Alzheimers. She'd fallen 3x and found her one morning locked outside her home thinking her son she hadn't seen in 20 years was coming to pick her up. That did it. I cared for her up until this last episode. It was exhausting especially having 2 teenage sons with sports, etc. I told her what was going to happen, I couldn't let her stay in her home any longer and sold her house. I then took her to 8 different assisted living facilities. I then narrowed it down to 2 choices for her to make. She made the choice and I moved her in. I continued to visit her 2 times/week and took her out for the day on Saturdays for lunch and a change of scenery. I took the bull by the horns, so to speak, and did what needed to be done against my siblings' wishes. Mom was mad at first but then turned around after a few weeks and became the social butterfly. It was the best move and she learned to love it there. Bottom line - if it's too much do what you must to make sure FIL is safe and well taken care of. Forget the money - these choices are costly - but it is money well spent not only for his sanity but for yours as well. Good luck.

You are somewhat lucky because there are other family members that are able to take a turn. My husband did absolutely no care of his mother other than to drive us to doctor appointments, I was the one that had to give all of the care including personal care, household chores, cooking and finding programs to try to help. This was for nine months - I literally had no real life during that time. She had advanced dementia and diabetes. I also did her hospice care until her last breath and prepared her for the undertakers to come to pick her up. He argued with me about her care constantly, withheld money from me, yelled at me that he couldn't take it anymore & was leaving (he never left), avoided her at all costs and mainly made my life even more miserable than it was with just her care. To say I resented him would be an understatement. Your husband does not appear to be this selfish or callous.

I like the "it depends" answer.
My advice is to go look in the mirror and see if you like who is looking back at you. If all your DH is doing is taking dinner over 1 night a week, why the big stink? If you don't want to cook for your FIL, let your DH bring him a plate from the restaurant.

YES, you deserve a life too. If it was you who became incapacitated, what would you want done for you? I married a man who took care of a bedridden wife for 2 years! I recognized that this man would also take care of me if I became incapacitated and I appreciated that thought.

I am one of 4 children, the youngest girl, and it was me who wound up assisting my dad - we moved him onto our property in a new mobile home, right in our front yard.

My DH didn't resent this - he would come in and tell me that my father looked lonely and I should go over and visit. He realized early on that anything I did for my father, I would do for him too when needed. My DH was 2 years older than my dad - and DH is still here but Pop passed on 6 years ago. We are not sorry for the kindnesses we showed to him.

There was a time when no one asked this question. Families lived closer, multi-generational families lived under the same roof. Elders were not seen as problems, but additions to the family, and many lived long productive lives with their families until they died of natural causes; when the family had a chance to mourn in their homes the loss. Today, everything is different. People move away from family. Parents get older, sicker and some placed in nursing homes where they decline even quicker. Medications given to older people, make them worse with so many other side-effects, we don't even know what is the cause of their strange behaviors -- is the the drug side-effects or something else? Yes, people are living longer -- and that means YOU too, hopefully, you have family that wants you, even when you are old. It is hard, but not impossible to help take care of our parents in their homes, and have wonderful lives doing so.

So the single son is caregiving M-F and wants his weekends free? How many other siblings are there? If they each take a weekend and rotate the schedule how often will your husband be asked to spend a weekend with his father? Look at it as an opportunity for your husband (&you) to spend some alone time with Dad. I’m sure there are old stories to tell, ask Dad about his youth, his family, look at old photos. Take Dad out, anywhere. Go to a park, a flea market, a movie or a play. Plan another weekend for just the two of you to do something together or with your family. How old are the grandchildren? Can some of them spend a weekend or a day with their grandfather? It seems that the family is trying to work out a solution for keeping Dad home. What a great example for the younger generation.

I am having the same problem I stay with my dad 4 days a week and have a paid caregivers for 3 days a week. I really need to go back to work and need to cut my time back with my dad because I do have a 10 year old with spectrum and started having married issues with my husband. My dad and his girlfriend more so his girlfriend tries to make me gulty for wanting to take of my child and my husband. his girlfriend will not do anything she says because I am his daughter it is all my responsibility she will not do his grocery shopping or pay bills or his medicine because she says it is all my responsibility I talked to a lawyer and they told me that I am not legally responsible for anything because I don't have power of attorney or garendshipe.

It's his choice whether or not he wants to be his dad's caregiver; many children dump their folks in nursing homes. If he's incapable of caring for himself he may need to be Baker Acted and competency evaluated by a psychiatrist. If you go the nursing home route, all of his estate goes to the home. Staying at home is equally expensive which means someone forfeits their life, job, and even personal savings and future Social Security to be the caregiver. If there are siblings they will always accuse the caregiver of "abusing" the elder person's savings forgetting the extreme costs involved with care giving. Actually if your husband has brothers/sisters you are better off putting him in a nursing home to avoid those false accusations and bad blood. PS: The caregiver will eventually end up cleaning up his feces and urine and even diapers, wipes and tons of gloves are quite costly.. Eventually it will come up to that.  Let me emphasize if you have brothers and sisters, you are BETTER OFF putting him in a nursing home because you will find out how greedy and dirty your own siblings can be. 

what ever happened to " for better or worse" in a marriage. what ever happened to the "love" for a parent who brought your husband into this world. I cant believe anyone would fight with their spouse over the love and care of a spouses parent. No there is no obligation on any ones part but the respect, love and care of a parent from their child should be top priority from their children as their health declines. Your not even discussing the care of a parent on a permanent basis 24/7 like most people do. You should be thankful for the son that moved in to help all the time.
My question to you is: what if this was your mother or dad? would you feel the same way????????????????? I am the only child who takes care of my mom, and dad
24/7. I have four selfish sisters who feel its not their job. I cherish the moments that I have with them everyday as I don't know when the end will be. I take the good and funny of the day and delete in my mind the bad. my parents are still in their own home and 92 years old and I moved in with them. my husband supports me completely as my partner. I also helped care for his mom for a year and a half until she passed. My husband has parkinsons disease and he chips in as much as possible. my children also help out as much as they can. I am sorry but I can not agree with some of the responses given , its how I feel.

It's different in each family. I think your husband is doing what he feels is morally correct. Maybe you should try to be more supportive and maybe help out with Til yourself. I understand it creates issues and time constraints but family is family. This man gave your husband life, so why wouldn't he be there for him in o!D age?!? Not sure what the real issue is, but when you caregiver for aging, sick, parent in Your home like most of us on this site do, only then would you fully realize the time, dedication, and work it takes. I say give him a break, and be more supportive. The man won't live forever, but your hubby will remember Who was supportive of his ordeal.