My LO is in AL. She is mobile and car rides are best for her because I guess the stimulation helps occupy her mind. When we get back into the her room, the loop of questions begins and it has gotten worse of late. Does my presence make her fixate on the unknowns? Does she focus on other things when I'm not there? I have written all of the answers (and we read the answers together) to these questions but as we know, but that doesn't help that much because her short term memory is gone. Her longer term memories are fading too. I have started to extricate myself when the loop begins but it feels cruel because I know she is confused. I try to distract her but it is no longer working. Summary - is it cruel to leave her? She'd continue the question loop forever I think.
My very elderly aunt with mod/adv dementia re-asks questions and I will answer the first one but after that I either present a distraction, shrug my shoulders, shake my head (without making eye contact) or walk out of the room because although it feels like it matters if you answer her, it doesn't. I find it emotionally draining to pursue trying to answer her. Do what helps you the most. You are already doing your best for her.
Like you, I answer a few times and lately now gently am extracting myself because my answers seem to feed the loop.
Thank you!
Your empathy has caused you to identify how you would feel if someone left you in mid-thought, but her progressively damaged brain has lost the ability to organize and use cohesive consecutive thoughts, and make conclusions from them.
Her confusion is unlikely to be related to whatever you try to distract her.
Although she may still seem to enjoy rides in the car, you may want to plan to consider shorter rides, or riding less often. The structure she’s living in may become more and more important to her as familiar and predictable. You and her care givers can decide what if any “outside” activities are good for her moving forward.
You are a kind and conscientious “child” to have concerns about her feelings. Enjoy your visits. Your love and concern for each other will continue, however difficult it may become for her to express it.
She has been there 3 years now and lately is acting like she just arrived. She is level 3 out of 5 in AL I think because she is nice, compliant and no trouble. Health generally good and very few meds.
Regarding rides- Sometimes lately you are correct, she seems more tired but not always.
Though you again for your kind words. I’m doing my best.
Talk to the staff about how mom is when you're not there.
"I'm taking care of that mom. Let's talk about when I see you next".
This has to work for you, too.