My mother lives with my sister and she agreed to give my sister 400 a month for rent to live there. My sister recently put herself on our mother’s account while my mother was sick with a UTI. Now my mother has discovered that my sister is also taking another 700 a month for living with her. Combined with the 400 it’s almost half of her social security.
So, are you getting this info directly from mom - who, according to your profile has ALZ/dementia? In which case, are you completely sure she is in full understanding of the facts? Could it be, for instance, that your sister, with whom your mom is living, "added" herself to mom's accounts so mom's bills would be paid on time because mom was starting to forget what and when they were due? Or so the bills could be paid while mom was in the hospital, especially if that's a common occurrence?
At the end, I had to take on the paying of my mother's bills, because even without dementia, she was not keeping on top of her payments. Things like her health insurance, her estimated taxes, her utilities and the like. I didn't have to "add" myself to her account, because we did everything through online banking, but there are a lot of people who still want to write old-fashioned checks, perhaps your mom is one of these?
Or is it possible that mom is so deeply into her illness, that she is being paranoid about her money, which is also a symptom of dementia? Like maybe that $700 is an auto payment for something, and your mom can't understand that, so is accusing your sister of stealing it?
And if it does come down to sister "charging" mom $1100 to live with her, I still think that's a bargain. Especially for someone who is receiving caregiving along with the "rent".
Before you start making accusations, I think I would do a little more research as to what, exactly, is going on. Unless you want to create a rift between you and your sibling that might not be fixable when all is said and done.
If there is no relationship here between the sisters so that this sister cannot simply ASK, and if she is coming up with accusations when she isn't the caregiver, I think it arouses suspicions.
$1,100 all-in to pay for moms room & board with meals, utilities, cable, “chaffeur” service, laundry, maid services, medication management & companionship. What a deal. There’s lots of us on this site who would love LOVE to have a sibling set up to do this and do this for a parent with dementia and has had a UTI and who knows what other infirmities and do it for only 50% of monthy income.
$1100 a month is $275.00 a week; and will suss out to be under whatever your State has as its minimum wage. Even if your in a crappy wage State - like mine or my adjacents (LA, TX, MS) that has $7.25 hr min wage.
The cost for AL abt $4K - $7K and most do medication management and any transportation costs as an added on a la carte cost.
NH run 6K-18K. MC somewhere btw AL and NH.
Your mom is getting a deal. That Sissy even does this and continues to do this is amazeballs.
-If your mom is not of sound mind and now requires someone else to manage her finances, there is no more "discussing things" with your cognitively declined mom. If she could handle it, you and your sister wouldn't be involved
-I don't think this is just "renting your mom a room" for $400 a month. If your mom needs care.....fed, housed, meds given, never left alone, taken to dr appts, grocery shopping, bills managed, taxes files, laundry washed, help with bathing ect.... $400 doesn't touch it and quite frankly neither does $700.
- Do you think your mom drinks and eats $13 worth of food per day (3 meals total)? That alone is $400 a month.
- Call an assisted living facility to see what they charge to let your mom rent an efficiency apartment that includes meals and you will understand what I mean
-Or better yet, take on your moms care and get back with us and let us know if $400 is appropriate compensation for changing your life and taking on the responsibility of another person (.56cents per hr).
I am not trying to be harsh, I just think that the majority of the time when one sibling has taken on the responsibility, the other sibling doesn't have a clue what is involved, how hard it is and what it cost.
Also if mom doesn't have a DPOA, this might be the time to get all her legal documents in place.
Hate to hear this but it can be resolved.
So something is quite wrong with this story.
Have to spoken with your sister, or is this one of those cases where the siblings cannot get along?
If you mother made your sister POA (which hopefully she did) then the sister would be on the account as the POA for mother, and yes, she would write checks for the rental costs.
It is a shame that someone isn't POA seeing an attorney, because the payment of "rental" is taxable while the payment of "shared living costs" for rent and food and whatever is NOT taxable. And there needs to be a really good paper trail of any payments for anything if mom in future is to qualify for any help from Medicaid should it be needed.
If your mother wishes to make YOU her POA you can address all of this.
You can also take your mother to an elder law attorney because if your sister is STEALING From mother then she can be investigated.
If you have concerns that you sister, who is rendering full time care to your mother (and 700 would be CHEAP for that) is abusive then call APS or see an elder law attorney.
A UTI (in most cases) does not preclude putting someone on your accounts, by the way. Most people do not go dotty with UTI, tho some do suffer some confusion.
This is a LEGAL MATTER. You require EXPERT advice, as those of us on Forum can do little but throw our hands up in the air with chagrin or offer our sympathy.
Check it out and I hope you will come back to update us about what you find after investigation.
Go figure all that. It just keeps going up. Happily so do my interest rates I get on my CDs.
Unhappily so does the interest rate on our national debt!
There we go.
Igloo above says Mom's getting a big bargain, and she IS.
But it would be good to get that in writing to keep the wolf (dressed as little red riding ) from the door.
Please THINK before you sarcastically respond here.
You do not know what you are talking about.
Caregiving is one issue - and not this one.
Stealing from a mother - taking all her income is quite another.
In addition, the writer NEVER indicated anything about caregiving.
And, if that were / is the situation, clear documentation of what daughter is doing, hours etc., payment records need to be upfront.
This appears to clearly be a fraud situation.
If you had the ability, you would encourage / recommend this writer contact an attorney. Clearly, you do not. Your post should not have been allowed to go through.
The sister is concerned about the cash, not the mother's living arrangements or medical treatments (UTI.) MY interpretation of the question. And there are several others here who read it the same way I did - those of us with firsthand experience. So before you tell someone "you don't know what you are talking about" reflect. In this instance, ask yourself which sister paid for the UTI treatment/meds, or was that part of the $400 arrangement?
We are all here because of similarly shared experiences and provide answers based on those experiences and opinions. I'm not sure why I received your ire today. Comments like "If you had the ability, you would encourage / recommend this writer contact an attorney. Clearly, you do not." are axiomatic of issues you are facing other than differences of opinion. Good luck to you.
Well said.
Don't complain if your mother is being well cared for and looked after by your sister 24/7 for $700 a month. Your mother is the one getting the sweet deal here not your sister.
Your sister does not have to allow your mother to live in her house for free and does not have to take care of her for free. If there are plans for Medicaid at some point beccause she may be getting placed, they do not expect a person to have been living for free and getting free care. So not to worry.
You should count yourself lucky that you aren't the one who has to do the caregiving.