My coworkers of several years of working together are aware that my mother passed away a few days ago and not one of them has reached out via text, email, or phone. Although my mother was 84, it was an unexpected and sudden death. We found her at home and my father, who has dementia, wandering around the house. He was ok, considering. I am hurt that no one has reached out to me. I've never gone through this situation before obviously. Has anyone else gone through this?
Don't be too hard on them -- death is a tough subject for some people to handle, and this is a very recent occurrence. If your coworkers are good people, you know they're thinking of you. You may get a floral arrangement from them in the next day or so, or they'll reach out now that the weekend is over and they're back at work.
Don't waste energy on being hurt -- it doesn't help you. If you need to talk to someone, reach out yourself. I'm sure there is a willing ear among your friends.
My DH was a 'boss' for a few years and one of the things he HATED was when someone had a death in the family, someone's wife had a baby--anything dealing with 'emotions' just put him in a dither. He just didn't KNOW what to do.
I finally told him he needed to acknowledge losses AND 'gains'. Gave him a name of a good florist and wrote down several kind of generic messages. Told him to have flowers or something equally appropriate sent to the employee involved. Or the new mom--whatever. That helped, and I hope helped him to have some compassion. It's not for lack of caring, it's for lack of KNOWING.
I think also, the younger generation (my kids' ages, 30's & 40's) are just not in to this kind of compassion. It's not a lost art, but seems to be disappearing.
A lovely basket planter or flower arrangement take minutes to order and even in times of stress for the family--is welcome and a kind effort.
It really doesn’t matter though, if a person is ‘old’ or even if the death is expected. I don’t know if we are ever truly prepared for the wave of emotions that we feel after a death.
We all grieve when we lose someone.
We even grieve when we don’t like someone. We grieve for what the relationship could have been.
I do think it can be harder to process our grief when it’s unexpected.
I have had difficulty processing suicides that occurred with a couple of my friends and a few members of my family.
I learned a lot about grief in therapy. Grief is made up of layers. It’s more complex than people realize.
I wish that your coworkers had reached out to you during this difficult time of mourning.
You certainly deserve to hear condolences and receive sympathy cards. These do bring comfort to us.
I am not going to excuse or support their behavior.
Some may not realize how distraught you are, they most likely care for you but haven’t shown it due to various reasons. I am so sorry that condolences were not offered.
They may come forward to express feelings at a later date.
Again, I know this is a devastating loss for you and for what it’s worth, I believe that our loved ones live in our hearts forever.
Your mom knew that you loved her. You can still love her. Love doesn’t die when a person dies.
May your dear mom Rest In Peace. She would understand your pain but after a time she would want you to have happy memories, joy and peace.