I've been caring for her the last four years with no days off. 24-7 I literally do everything for her with no help from sisters. Brother has POA now and because of his hate for me, I'm the youngest, he has cancelled my insurance and cell phone and doesn't allow mom to help me nor does he allow her one dollar. He transfers mom's S.S. check to his personal account as soon as it's deposited. I've sacrificed everything, which is fine, but they don't help at all nor do they respect my mother's wishes. If she was to pass today I would be without a home, job or money. So it's more about me having something to fall back on so I could quickly find a job when it's time . They won't help, not even a few hours a day for me to work P.T.
How do you know, for example, that mom's SS check is deposited into brother's personal account?
Is mom's name on on that account as well (they have a joint account)?
That was certainly the case when MY mom was alive. My brother with POA was mom's representative payee for SS; she also "never saw a dime" of her money because she was no longer able to manage it.
Mom also no longer had her CC, because we'd taken and cancelled them.
People with dementia, even mild dementia often become paranoid and report that people are stealing from them.
Please make sure that you aren't basing what you're reporting here on a dementia patient's paranoid fantasies.
DO arrange to leave. Your brother will simply need to make other arrangements.
Perhaps the most straightforward thing to do is to quit with M and immediately inform APS that you are quitting and that M will not be adequately cared for. You can add in all the complaints about brother. But you will need to get out – wherever you go, even to a shelter if you can’t find a friend to couch-surf with for a couple of weeks. It’s hard, but it’s a case of ‘least worst’, not a ‘good’ solution.
Obviously none of this is easy but, not doing it through the legal system can leave your mom in serious trouble if she ever needs medicaid.
It also concerns me that mom isn’t allowed one dollar of her own money? OP probably doesn’t have the money to hire an attorney, but yes, protective services should be called if POA is transferring moms money to his personal account as soon as it is deposited leaving mom with nothing.
It seems a lot of information is missing here. How is mom paying for groceries, meds, etc?
After second parents' death, attempted to go back to work. Had developed chronic physical issues and deep depression. His POA sibling didn't hate him, but didn't get why he thoughts HIS care was better than highly trained aides, and eventually VA NH for his dad, whose mental illness and dementia was finally treated.
Committed suicide. Please don't be my cousin
Your brother has a right to manage all finances now, as POA for your mother.
If you are "doing everything for her" then it is time to tell brother that you cannot continue to act for your mother nor "do everything" without financial compensation. That is to say--tell him "I quit as of now". It is not wrong to ask for compensation, BUT it must be done formally and there must be a contract of care for time and expenditure. Something that would hold up in court, as your brother is now LEGALLY accountable for being able to prove every single cent he spends of your mom's money, as her POA. He must have records that will stand up in court if he is being called to account. Your brother has a choice to hire help for her or do it himself.
Other than that, I agree with the advice you offered.
Also, if he's depositing your Mom's SS checks into his account, this may delay or disqualify her financially for Medicaid. Maybe he's doing this because you're currently joint on her checking account, but still -- not a good strategy by him. In NV the Medicaid look-back period on the application is 5 years...
And now that your brother has stopped paying your bills, it's time to man up and get a real job and put your 2 week notice in for being moms caregiver. And of course that will mean moving out as well, even if it's to a homeless shelter for the time being. They do offer programs that will help anyone that is looking to be gainfully employed, so I hope you will take advantage of that.
Your brother will now have to be the one who steps up and decides what moms care will look like whether it be in a facility or in his home. So hand over the reigns and don't look back.
You don't.
When mom needed care with "everyday tasks", she could have hired help, gone to Assisted Living orca Board and Care home. Your brother, as POA should have been looped in on getting this done.
You have no one but yourself to rely upon for income and for retirement.
Get out and go back to work.
Either way, just walk away. Your brother has POA, let him figure it out.
Get out of this situation. This is NOT what your mom would want for you, daughter or son.
Find a women's shelter. Find a job.
You are volunteering for a life of misery and poverty. Please take back the ability to direct your life from your selfish siblings. You can't fight this level of dysfunction.
Best wishes to you.