I am a 39 yr old single mom. My mom is a chronic pain patient suffering from Chrones Disease, COPD and ongoing infection via holes in her belly skin that leak puss and all else gross. She moved here Dec 2014. i maintained her household and my own for over a year while working full time. It was exhausting. I was laid off in January and instead of finding a cheaper apartment for myself, we decided it would be easier on all of us if I moved in with her to help her. I literally have to do EVERYTHING. the only things she does for herself is her laundry, changing of her bandages, making her own meals. Other than that all she has to do is lay in the couch, watch tv, smoke her cigerretts and have her "liquid pain medicine" (alcohol). I suffer from depression and recently it has become debilitating. I'm expected to do all her errands, which includes going to store for her cigerettes every day, her alcohol every other day, ALL housecleaning, take her to doctors, buy groceries, and be her "will you get this and that" all day. Then she makes comments that I don't do enough. She criticizes my weight, she puts me down, nothing is good enough. She's ungrateful, everything is who is her, needs constant attention and pitty, and tells me I owe it to her to do everything because she raised me and took care of her mother when she was sick. She gets mad if I leave, because she doesn't want to be home with my dog because his very existence, though he just lies around causes her anxiety and she can't breath. I should also add that she is capable of driving and doing some of these things, she just "doesn't feel like it" if I refuse to go to the liquor store she will go by herself. If I try to leave to go out I get 50 questions. I have absolutely no privacy or space. Then she will call me and ask me to come home because my dog seems restless. I feel like she is taking every oz of my being and in turn, I have trouble functioning and completing my "daily chores". To top it all off, she is asking me to pay rent. I currently buy all the groceries for the house, pay her cable bill, and am literally a live in maid and gofer. I refuse to pay rent. Am I being taken advantage of? How do I set boundaries and stick to them? What are fair boundaries? Someone help me before the resentment builds up so bad that I leave and can't help her anymore.
Their issues have to do with their problem and not you. Don't allow anyone put your down. You don't have to be a part of that game. Get information, seek help and take care of yourself and your child. Don't kick yourself for what you did in the name of love. You did your best. Be kind to yourself now and find peace.
Give her a bill for the groceries, cable, and caregiving chores.
I think I would also get counseling to find out why I was willing to tolerate your mom treating you that way. They can give you tools to help build your confidence and how to avoid enabling her destructive behavior. I think there are support meetings for family members of alcoholics too. They teach what enabling is and how to cope. I wish you all the best.
Moving in was a mistake. The ONLY solution is to move out and be independent again. But do it quietly; if you tell her, the harassment will increase.
Also, list everything she asks you to do, including tasks that shouldn't be done at all such as buying liquor and cigarettes. If she wants to ruin her health, she can do it all by herself.
In your list, decide what you'll do and won't do, and BE FIRM. Don't let her continue to intimidate you as she already has.