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I live with my 97-year-old mother in order to take care of her.


She walks with a walker.


She refuses to have strangers in the house who could take over for me when I step out (in case of emergency).


Both incoming calls and outgoing calls (other than 911) are problematic, so I want a phone that offers neither of those things.

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Well, the problem is resolved, even though things didn't work out exactly as I had planned. First of all, under the heading of "one thing leads to another," in trying to test the code that Comcast gave me (*87) to put restrictions on the phone, I found a mechanical problem with my landline phone, so I had to replace it. I ordered one from Home Depot and picked it up the other day. Now I was able to punch in the code and do a test. However, the Comcast representative apparently didn't know what he was talking about, because the code did not do what I wanted. But my workaround was to turn off the ringer and remove notes displaying the telephone numbers of relatives I don't want her bothering. Instead, the only note near the phone is a huge sign I made instructing her to dial 911 in case of an emergency. As a bonus, the new phone has large buttons that are more visible for her. Thanks again to everybody who responded.
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Reply to landscaping
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Give Her a cell phone without a plan. It will be able to call 911, but nothing else.
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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Just don’t plug it in unless you need to use it.

Also, stop enabling her. Hire some people to take care of her so you can have some down time.
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Reply to Southernwaver
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landscaping: Try a cellular phone.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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I'm wondering how incoming and outgoing calls are "problematic".

Will she know to call 911 in an emergency? And will she know how?

If this is your desire, you can turn the ringer volume off on a typical landline phone.
At least when I last had one. Then, No Incoming Calls.

Is it a problem to be able to make outgoing calls?

You might consider investing in a "Life Alert" type pendant, or device which sits on a counter which only makes emergency calls. But there is a monthly cost, because the calls get routed to the company's call center, then directed to the appropriate responder.

Another option would be to install a camera in the house so you can look in on her when you step out. It will also allow you to talk to her, which would be nice, with no phone for incoming and outgoing calls.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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landscaping Jun 29, 2024
Outgoing calls are a problem because she tends to bother her relatives (and, because she's almost deaf, she can't hear much of what they're saying back to her anyhow, which just frustrates everyone). Incoming calls are a problem because she has been known to give out personal information, such as her social security number, to scammers.
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I have a phone issue with my mom also. She’s got an ATT landline which they call a digital phone. I had to create phone blocks where only 20 #’s would ring in or out and those are myself/siblings and friends/family. I had to make the blocks bc she would pay a single bill 3 or 4x a mo. All utilities, business type things now have my contact info bc as you said, it is problematic for sure. My mom wouldn’t answer the call but she would write down the number then call me wanting me to google it finding out who it was. I’m not talking once twice a day, I’m talking hourly. They have several different blocks you can add if you have ATT, but I’d imagine other co have similar types. Good luck bc I know the phone thing is a pain..
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Reply to MSalazar227
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landscaping Jun 29, 2024
Yes, it sounds like you have a problem similar to mine, so you can relate to what I'm going through. I don't know if it's good or bad that your mom is at least sophisticated enough to call you "wanting me to google it finding out who it was." My mom doesn't even know what Google *is*.
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I just googled "phone with no dial" and several came up. This would prevent calling out but would not have 911 capability. 911 could be handled by the button on a cord service. Many of these offer the service of calling 911 and a family contact whenever the button is pushed as well. I would consider getting a new number that is unlisted that you only give to immediate family. This way you could call to check on her if you are out.
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landscaping Jun 29, 2024
Some good suggestions, thank you.
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I have a friend - older who has dementia --- she doesn't want anyone to come in either. So this is what I did... I called a friend--- works as a caregiver, told her the issue. We came up with a plan that I would introduce her as a friend and bring her a few times and visit with my dementia friend. After about 4-5 times I left in the middle of the visit leaving them alone and my caregiver friend would casually start doing the dishes. The next time I left, my caregiver vacuumed and did the dishes. Then my caregiver friend showed up and visited and started cleaning up and my dementia friend has not complained once. It has worked out great. Maybe you can call a friend or Visiting Angels and explain the situation and get them to work with you. Blessings
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Reply to Ohwow323
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landscaping Jun 29, 2024
Thank you. Yes, a prior reply mentioned the "psychological approach." Definitely worth considering.
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It seems to me you would be better off with an emergency wrist band or necklace , But the cellular hub for these devices, have a giant red button to push also. Good luck.
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Reply to bgblck69
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katepaints Jun 27, 2024
The necklaces or pendants work if the person wears them and remembers to use it. My brother never would. I’ve heard this has been an issue for some people.
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Yes, as already stated----Life Alert that is worn around neck. In our area, it runs approx $34.00 per month.
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Reply to Scooter2023
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The choices are;
A. You never leave the house.
B. Mother stays home alone at times.
C. You take Mother with you everywhere.
D. Someone else supervises Mother when you go out.

It is hard when someone is dependant on you.

A. Is not practical or preferred (unless you love being a hermit).
B. Risk. How long is ok alone? Is she a frequent faller? Would she try to go outside? Cook? Do risky stuff?
C. Picturing running around during 6 errands in one morning.. Now please do keep up Mother.. Nope.
D. Less spontanious. Need to be pre-booked. Finding the right person may take a while. May even need a trick or fiblet. But don't write off option D. due to a senior tantrum of Mother saying no. It's for BOTH of you anyway.
For her safety + your peace of mind.

My folks have a regular afternoon a week sitter. Everyone knows the routine. *Someone* still tries to cancel every other week.. because they say they 'don't like it'.
They get anxious with sitters.. too bad. They fell when left alone. They lack insight about he situaion & are being a senior brat. The adult in charge needs to be reponsible & make the arrangements they need to.
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Reply to Beatty
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landscaping Jun 23, 2024
Thank you. An excellent summary of options. I laughed when I read "hermit." I actually am something of a hermit, but not the type of hermit who can stay in all the time.
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Would she wear a smart watch? You will have to have a linked cell phone nearby unless you add the data package to the watch. You can program the watch to call you and / or 911. Fall detection is one thing the watch provides. For my sister, the watch awakened her in the middle of the night to tell her she was having heart issues, messaged her husband (who sleeps in another room), and called 911. When her husband called me in the morning, he said, "Her watch sent her to the ED last night."

There's also a commercial we are seeing while watching golf tournaments for a device to wear on the wrist, but I can't remember what the product is.
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freqflyer Jun 23, 2024
Smart watches are only as good as one's eye sight. Those of us with limited close up vision find them useless.
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I just saw an ad for “teleCalm”.

It works with landlines.

Here is the address:

https://www.telecalmprotects.com/

Do update us, if you find that it works. 😀
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Reply to cxmoody
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landscaping Jun 22, 2024
Thank you. I do have a partial update at this time. I called my phone provider (Comcast). I was told that to achieve what I want, punch in *87, then follow the directions that that generates. I haven't had a chance to try it yet. If it doesn't work, I'll look into TeleCalm.
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Thank you, especially for reminding me of the camera option.
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Reply to landscaping
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ANY charged cell phone (with or without a contract) can make a 911 call.

That takes care of your answer but...
If she can not press an emergency button on a phone or on a necklace or bracelet maybe she should not be left alone.
Get a caregiver that can come in 1 or 2 days a week. That way you can get away when it is not an "emergency"
Introduce the caregiver to mom as a "friend" of yours.
"Mom this is my friend Betty. We are just going to chat a bit then I will get the laundry done"
You and Betty talk about the help that mom needs and Betty gets up to "help" you do laundry.
Later you can say "Mom, Betty, I forgot to get milk I have to run out will you two be ok for a bit?"
Then leave for an hour.
Mom will get used to Betty and and Betty can help mom by getting a drink or just chatting while Betty folds the laundry.
A day or two of this and mom will get used to Betty.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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landscaping Jun 22, 2024
Thank you. If I am unsuccessful finding a landline option, I may resort to a cellphone. It's just a question again of what she's most comfortable with (and landline beats cellphone any day on that score).
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You can talk to your local provider for control options. It has nothing to do with the landline phone you purchase. They make landline phones that uses large buttons with people's pictures on them to call out. Not sure about a 911 button...

If your Mom "...simply doesn't have the mental wherewithal to hit a button in an emergency" she very likely won't remember to call 911 on a landline that she doesn't use on a daily basis. My 95-yr old Mom is recently forgetting how to use kitchen appliances that she's used every day for decades. A phone is no different.

Also, what type of emergency are you imagining? Her most likely emergency would be a medical one, like If she falls -- she likely wouldn't be able to reach the phone anyway. Would she even remember her address to tell EMS?

At her advanced age and history of resisting adopting to new things, I don't think there's going to be a clean solution for her situation because a lot depends on her ability to learn and retain a new thing.
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Reply to Geaton777
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landscaping Jun 22, 2024
Thank you. All valid points. You're right: there probably isn't a clean solution. I am going to call the phone provider today, in fact. As for the type of emergency I anticipate, yes, perhaps a fall, maybe trouble breathing (she has congestive heart failure); either way, you're right again: the phone may not even do any good in such a case.
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There is a wonderful Lively medical alert device advertised on this site and there are many others that are similar to that one. I just happen to be Lively's biggest fan as I got my Smartphone3 from them, and love it.
These emergency devices are typically worn around the neck; this provides a way to do an emergency alert, often by simply pressing a button. There is a monthly fee.
Good luck scoping out the best one for you by googling "Emergency Alert Devices."
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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landscaping Jun 22, 2024
Thank you so much for answering (my 1st reply on this site; I'm new). I should have mentioned that she had a medical alert device for decades and it wasn't working out for us, that's why I am looking into a phone as a solution for emergencies. We discovered that she simply doesn't have the mental wherewithal to hit a button in an emergency. We need something she's comfortable with, so a landline solution would be ideal. If anyone has any suggestions, I would appreciate it.
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