Mom thinks she can live on her own but is too forgetful to do so without help. Even if we can find her an apartment she would need a visiting nurse to help her out with meds, hygeine, meals, etc. She has lived with me and my husband since 2014, and we all need a break.
The link above is for your Area Agency on Aging. If you contact them they can advise you of services available in your area. If there are licensed board and care homes then they should know about them. They can also help you assess your mom as to the level of care she needs.
Personal care is so expensive that even the deepest pockets are often exhausted before the end of life. That’s when Medicaid comes in. Also ask the AAA about respite care.
Let us know what help you find. We care.
The "easiest" answer would be, if mom has no assets, to start the process of applying for Medicaid. You say you don't want to put her in a home, but what are your long-term plans for when the dementia becomes too much?
I don't know if there is affordable housing where you live. I'm not even sure what would be considered affordable. You can always consult with a realty company to get some ideas. But money aside - and I'm not being sarcastic, just pointing out some things you will need to consider - will your life become easier if your mom lives on her "own"? There's only so much a visiting nurse/aide will do for her in her own home. Will she be constantly calling you and disrupting your life via phone? If you have to do all the same things that you do for her now just under a different roof, will that make your husband any happier with the situation?
Were I you, if you haven't already done so, I would have a private heart to heart with my spouse. Is it the entire situation he finds untenable? Or are there certain aspects he takes issue with - ie. lack of intimacy, not being able to travel, he hates her TV programs, etc. Or is it the time you have to devote to her that he resents? If you can have an honest to goodness talk with him, with neither of you casting blame or aspersion, you might be able to come up with some solutions that make the situation more bearable... for example, have an aide come in twice a week and while he/she is there the two of you get out for a while on your own...look into respite care and go on a vacation (once everything opens back up, mind you)...things of that nature. If you can't have the conversation without rancor, this is where a marriage counselor might come in handy, to help facilitate the conversation.
The other thing I think you need to do for your own mental well being is to get out of the mindset that you're not willing to put mom in a care facility. Unfortunately, her dementia is only going to get worse and there's going to come a point when care at home will be difficult if not impossible. Especially if you don't have the support of your husband.
Good luck!
Your profile says you're not willing to put her in a facility and that you are torn between her and your husband. I'd like to respectfully point out that your husband is the first priority always unless you want to become single in the near future. He's had enough and he wants his full wife back, and you need to give it back to him without hesitation. This should be a no-brainer.
I understand you love your mom. Most on this forum have the same dilemma/choice. You ironically said that your sibling and spouse are too "dysfunctional" to care for her but you maybe need to look in the mirror since you think your mom, who's lived her life already, takes front seat to your spouse, who will be with you (hopefully) after she is long gone. He may be long gone if you don't remember your marriage vows.
It is time to find a nice, local facility. It is time to help her apply for Medicaid. Please work on your heart and mind to come to peace that your mom cannot be your focus anymore. This doesn't mean you don't love her. But it does show your spouse something very, very important and I promise you will be blessed if you can make yourself get your priorities straight. I sincerely wish you much wisdom and total success as you bring your mind around to do a difficult thing.