When I try to take care of chores, mom starts screaming for me after only a few minutes. She's been living with us for 13 months. I am paying for sitters who do very little, just so I can have some peace. I am concerned for mom, because she truly thinks that no one is here. But I am also concerned that I'm spending money that may be needed later, just so I can get things done.
Now my mom's Alzheimer's was extremely severe; however, she was only bedridden for 2-1/2 months because I kept her going and walking as long as I could. It got to the point she forgot how to stand, and could not focus on that and I ended up getting a feeding tube since I did not want her to die of dehydration. She did great with it until OTHER natural causes killed her not related to Alzheimer's. Still with insulin-dependent diabetes she lived to be 90, and I never had to give her any psychotropic drugs or narcotics. She only took a few meds (Lopressor, insulin 70/30, lactulose and multivitamin), and I had her on hospice for 2 years. I brushed mom's teeth and used chlorhexidine oral rinse by using swabs to keep her from getting aspiration pneumonia due to dirty teeth. ORAL CARE IS IMPORTANT even with tube feeding. The mouth has to be clean. They gave mum her diapers, cleaning materials, dressings, tube feedings, pump for tube feeding, and tubing and I used hospice like a home clinic with routine labs, urine tests, and whatever else I needed. For her feeding tube I used a simple tube-top I bought on Amazon. Mum never bothered with the feeding tube, but I had to protect it from getting accidently pulled while turning and cleaning her. The tube top on her abdomen worked like a charm, so I bought a few of them. Now that feeding tube took a *LOT* of care but I never had a problem with it.
Even during advanced stages once I hoyer lifted her back to her bed (I put her on her easy chair a few times a day), she had this look of fear in her eyes because somehow she knew she would be alone at night even though I slept in my bedrrom just one room away, so I got a nursing manikin which looks like an old woman. I got it a wig that looks just like mom's hair and dressed it up with mom's clothes and on a wheel chair I would put it next to her bed and she would look at it and fall asleep. I called it virtual company. I always kept her bedroom with subdued light. That way I can sleep at night, and mum would think someone is with her.
When mom died I felt destroyed, but I keep the manikin on her favorite chair to REMIND ME she is better off where she is. It looks just like her. Looking up at the ceiling, mouth opened--that's what the manikin does. Mom's ordeal of life is over, and she is at everlasting peace. Only the living are suffering and the price of love is grief. I came to terms with her loss, but the manikin is a source of comfort to remind me how she was before she died.
And you should find things to do out side the house as well. Mom needs to know that she is taken care of when you are gone, out of the house. With you in the house she knows she can rely on you.
The caregivers should be doing things with mom. Reading to her, listening to music, art project, puzzles, folding towels, sorting socks, rolling out cookie dough, whatever mom can do they should encourage it.
By the way the paying of the caregivers should be paid for by your mom not by you. As her finds dwindle you can start the process of applying for Medicaid. the proof of payment for caregivers needs to be documented and kept so that there is no question that her funds were used appropriately.
This may be a phase that gradually passes, too, you know; and you will be able to be out of direct sight without your mother becoming afraid.
Or, can you do chores and jobs within sight of your mother, either by keeping her with you in a wheelchair or bringing (say) the paperwork into the living room? I don't recommend this approach, though, because (see above) I know it would drive me potty if it were me.
Why are you paying sitters who do very little. You need to have a talk with them about doing more or find new sitters. Once you let people do nothing a couple of times, you are saying loud and clear it's acceptable. Employers usually create the bad employee. Rehire and have a list of things you want them to do while they are providing care for your mom. When those things are not happening, speak up immediately. Cell phones are the biggest time waster of employees these days - address that in your list of expectations - cell phones may be kept in their purse for emergencies, but not out in the open as biding time.
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