Today has been a typical day. Mom got up pretty late and went to fix her normal breakfast. I reminded her to take her pills. A few minutes later I reminded her again. A few minutes later the pills were still waiting. ARGH! She finally took them, turned on the TV, and set her dirty plate under the TV. GRR! I went shopping for groceries and did a few tasks. It was a beautiful day. I came home to find her still parked in front of the TV, watching some preacher. I told her it was a gorgeous day, so she ought to get out and enjoy. She couldn't. She was sick. (She has been sick 24/7 for the last 10 years even though she isn't.)
I reminded her about the pimento cheese she had in the refrigerator. She said she would eat it for her (late) lunch. I came back in a few minutes later and she was making soup. She forgot. ARGH! (Okay, I know, part of the disease) She takes her soup, sits in front of the TV and eats, then puts her dish under the TV with her breakfast plate.
One thing I know is that if she doesn't use it, she'll lose it, but I can't get her to do anything. If I ask her to take her dishes to the kitchen, she gets upset and cries sometimes. I try not to sound mean, so that is not it. She just wants to be waited on, even if it means she is not going to be able to walk soon.
How do we keep them living and moving without feeling so mean? I know my mother is avoiding people and life, but she just can't do that and keep living. She thinks I am the meanest thing in the world, I'm sure, and I feel that way myself every day, though I know I shouldn't.
i have renter fatigue. im only minutes and one more dog yap away from putting on a one hour audio of the worlds most annoying dogs barking at about 150 watts and going to town to sleep tonight. people f**@in suck so im telling you my empathy is genuine.
And refusing to do anything for herself, or trying to get better. I've walked that walk with my mom alone for over three years now, the prior seven with my dad before she wore him out and he got brain cancer and died.
He took her to therapy all the time after her knee broke on three separate occasions. She quit. Bought her weights for strength training, an exercise bike, helped her every step of the way, but she'd have nothing of it.
When she moved in with us, my brother made her promise she'd work on her walking before he went back to Europe. Ha-ha-ha. My dad couldn't make her do it, and I was mean to even suggest it. She loves being the victim and will do nothing to help herself, nothing!
Now she's wheelchair bound in an AL and resents the h*ll out of me to take a weekend off and will do nothing to help herself again in regards to making friends, speaking up for herself if somethings not to her liking, etc. She tells me if she doesn't like something and has me speak up for her. I'm so sick of it. It's always poor widdle me with a kick of piss and vinegar....and guilt.
I struggle with the same stuff daily. It's horrible, isn't it? I go up and down with good days and bad days. It does wear you down. Just know you're not alone in feeling 'mean'. You are NOT at all. Parents resent the role-reversal, as I'm sure I will someday too. (Hope not!, but who knows?) YOU are doing your best in a very difficult situation. Hang in there knowing you are not alone.
I hear you. I hate when I am nasty after a tough week, or when I have a headache. I try to remember that my caregiving is my gift to my Dad. It is an act of love. I concentrate on the love, and I become gentle and happier. I focus on me and my gift, not the annoyance, and things are better. I learned from a shrink a long time ago. You can't change other people, you can only change how you react to them.
I wish I could be more helpful, as you have given me hope, courage, and great advice. I am grateful for your wisdom and generosity. I know you will find a way.