How do I know when it's not safe to leave my 89 year old mother alone. I've always been of the mindset that she should maintain her independence as long and as much as possible. Things may take her longer to do but as long as she can do them...I should allow her to do so. My mom has lived with me for 11 years. I work fulltime. I sometimes am gone overnight but I keep in close touch with her throughout the day, etc. I have a lifeline for her...but she has some dementia and doesn't remember what it is for. I help with everything (personal hygine, meals, meds, etc.) I feel we're on the tipping point but I don't know what the signs are. This hurts so much! I've tried to maintain my "mental health" as much as possible ... trying to balance some free time, etc. I'm at a loss right now. I want to do the right thing...hope I have up to now. Any suggestions would be helpful.
She probably is getting more supervision with you than any of the ALF will provide at inflated costs. ALF are normally for younger people than your mom.
I would get a companion or home health aide to be with her while you work and if possible limit overnight absences. She may need a home health aide or another family member with her if your job requires travel overnight.
I think you are doing a good job with her care. I kept the life alert button for my dad, some said it was useless but my dad felt better having it on him. He wore the necklace. It is a small monthly bill if it gives you or your mom comfort. He spoke to his friends urging them to get a life alert type device. I was told he had some memory issues at the end but I found him to be alert for the most part. He continued to read parts of 3 newspapers a day and had an interest in political issues to the end. Sometimes we caregivers have a better understanding of the elders mental abilities than the so called experts who have minimal time to spend with the elder. In other words, go with your heart and head--you know what your mother can and can't manage at this point. Overtime she will need more and more help--that's normal aging.
Again, keep up the good work. Your mother is lucky to have you, so many seniors don't have a caring person in their final years.
Elizabeth
The life alert is a good choice too, I had one for my dad but he never pushed the button.
Good luck:)
Elizabeth
As I said, it wasn't any of the more substantial signs, falls, forgetfullness, etc that caused us to realize that mom could no longer live alone in her suburban home, once she couldn't drive. I was seeing how isolated and fearful she'd become about every small occurance, including what she was watching on the TV news. Everything got magnified. After a disastrous stay in an assisted living place where other family members were living (both too much and too little assistance) we did more research and she is now in a very nice Independent Living facility with onsite docs (including psychiatry for the anxiety) , exercise classes and the like. Watching her yesterday at Christmas with the family, I am struck by how much more "with it" and competant she looks this year as compared to last. Her balance is better, she is more assertive and less of an old lady than she was a year ago. Hope that you can successfully negotiate this change. Hugs and prayers all around.
Start looking now at costs, possible care locations, paperwork, other, alternatives. You may NOT need it now but, like me, you could need it quite suddenly. Praying for you. Hope this helps just a little.
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/12/24/staying-independent-in-old-age-with-a-little-help/