Latest Episode ‘As The Manipulative Brothers Turn’
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I still have not spoken to my mother. Been about 4 months now. My brothers (her angels), took control of her money and care with her blessings.
Anyhoo, the brother who stays the nights with her is going on his annual 2 week vacation. Last year my other brother and myself helped watch her for those 2 weeks. She has caregivers till 5pm but is in no condition to be left alone all night. I figured this year my brothers would have a plan in place, since I’m no longer in the picture. Well guess what? My son received a message from her new POA (my brother), that he needs my sons help watching his grandmother while he’s on vacay! Omg I’m livid once again. My son has not responded yet. I told him to completely ignore them. My son said, they will end up coming to his house and banging on his door, demanding he helps watch her. I told my son not to answer the door.
I can’t believe they will not spend a penny on extra care while on vacay! These are the sons she’s entrusted to take care of her. She is so blind! I want my son to text her, “Hi grandma, I understand you need someone to help you out while your new POA is out of town? Gosh, you know my mom would’ve had everything lined up and organized like she always did. Too bad you revoked her POA.”
Of course I would never want him to text her that.
WWTD?
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If I was your son, I would not interact with them. They can't force anyone to do this.
Families like this one makes me sick. They don't want to pay a employee to come in and do the work. They feel that everyone wants to work for free. They are meddling busybodies that don't realize that people have school, schedules and work schedules.
perhaps get it up front.. $5,000.00 . Living is getting more expensive..
I did tell my son, this time he demand at least $2000 CASH UPFRONT. No ifs, ands or buts. The caregivers would cost an extra $3600 to stay the nights
What grandson would want to do that for grandma ?? Awkward .
That’s exactly how I feel, as far as, the revocation of my POA. My mom essentially fired me but still expected me to be the doting daughter. I look at it like this. My husband divorced me but still expected me to cook and sleep with him. Haha sure.
Don't insert yourself between him and your brothers or you may wind up being blamed for...something. The only way to stay blame-free is to be involvement-free.
If your son chooses to do it, will you keep your opinion to yourself? As a mother of 3 adult sons, I've learned this lesson. Hope you do, too.
There's nothing like a good object lesson, so if your son decides to help this time, and then his uncles keep leaning on him for future favors, eventually he will need to grow a spine and say 'no' all on his own.
If you campaign at him to say 'no' and then he regrets it... you will get blamed.
As my Italian Gramma would say, "Minda u owna bisa-nessa!"
How about everyone learns how to say "no".
It's such a simple word, and takes so little effort.
Let me tell you, my Narc sister is afraid of me now because she knows I am looking for any situation to have her arrested. I told her she can walk on public sidewalks, but the minute she puts a toe on my property, she is done. I emailed this to her so I had a record for the sheriff that she knows not to come on my property.
You and your son need some therapy if possible to learn how to get out of this coercion where you give in. Get out of the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt)