Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Who "left you" to care for them? What are their impairments -- what kind of assistance do they need? How long have then been disabled? How old are they? How old are you? Do you live with them?
I suggest you call their county Social Services and ask for a needs assessment for your parents. Someone will come to their home and evaluate the situation. Be sure you are present when this happens. Parents are known to be reluctant to admit their needs. You can interject, "Yes Mom, you do get your own lunch -- but that is when I make it and leave it in the fridge for you." The person doing the evaluation will know about what kind of help is available from the county and also other resources within the county. Can your parents pay for the help when it is located for them? Or will they need financial assistance? The Social Services person will be able to help with applying for financial aid, if that is appropriate. They will probably suggest Medicaid.
You need to be able to earn your own income and/or further your education. Someday you will retire and you'll need all the social security credits you can earn while you are healthy and fit. If you can make sure your parents are getting the help they need, and continue advocating for them, you don't have to personally provide all the hands-on care yourself.
Provide a little more information about your situation, and others will be able to give more specific suggestions.
my parents are 77 & 78 moved back to there town to help my father with my mother she has frontal lobe dementia and my father had a massive stroke he is now non-verbal and his whole right side is not functioning my mother can move around but needs assistance with cooking and washing as well as taking care of there finances, my father has long term health insurance. I was working part time and going to school but with all of their healthcare needs I was forced to stop both. They have doctors appointments and healthcare issues constantly effecting any type of job
DCR, It sounds to me that your folks need 24 hour care -- by professionals. Assess their finances and assets to help determine if they can fund assisted living (if they qualify) or skilled nursing. Are you using the long term care insurance to pay for any current care? Are either of them Veterans? Some folks are horrified by the thought of placing a parent in a facility. Guess what? It will provide them with 24/7 professional care and at some point they will need it regardless of what you do for them now. The two issues that affect them (sadly) will contribute to a continuing decline. Facilities will provide some level of activities that you can't possibly provide. If you have a free moment now (which I doubt) you likely collapse in exhaustion. As Jeanne suggests, get an assessment and get some help. Your job is to 'get a job or training' and then overlook care to be sure it is right and to visit as a daughter. Depending upon where you live, there will be many choices of facilities. Visit them before making a decision.
in answer to who left me to care for them my brothers . I had my father in a rehab/nursing facility and he almost died if I left him in that facility he would be dead now they did not care for him as well as private as nurses in home do. the long term plan will reimburse for nurses but not my time.i have tried to leave the care to them but they still need assistance with my mother and doctors appointments my fathers INR levels need to be checked at least twice a week and my mothers dementia needs to be monitored
So, are you now willing to sacrifice your entire future to them? They should be in a nursing home where they can get this care.
What is your plan when they live another 10 years (quite possible) and you then find yourself broke, uneducated, and unemployable? Why is their few years worth the rest of your life?
Get the moved into a home asap, and get on with your life.
DCR, I am sorry you had a bad experience with a rehab place. I can see how that will influence your attitude. But many, many of us on this forum can tell you about the good or even great experiences we've had with nursing homes. Don't judge all of them by one bad experience. Check out very carefully others in the area.
About your brothers -- how did they "leave" your parents' care in your hands? How are they in charge of your decisions? Do they possibly think your parents belong in a care facility and if you don't think so then it's your job to care for them? That happens in some families.
About all those doctor visits -- it must be difficult to transport your father so often, and hard on him I would guess. Can't one of the nurses do the INR tests? We had that done in our home a few times. The nurse called the number into the clinic who made the decision about adjustments to medication if necessary. My husband's geriatrician was very sensitive to how hard it is to bring disabled elders in for appointments.
The kind of help your parents need is readily available in a nursing home. They'd have a clean environment, healthy food, their laundry done, people to talk to, activities to attend, and all their medical needs met onsite. And there would be three shifts of rested, alert people to tend to them.
It sounds like your parents can't afford to have the level of care they need in their home. That is sad but common.
Stepping up and making the choice to care for your parents is an honorable thing to do if it's feasible for all involved. No one is forcing this choice on you. If you need to work and WANT to care for them, I'm sure their SS will cover the cost of a part time STNA. Part time STNAs vary in price but I would look around. You might be able to get your brothers to help while you work. If none of these are options then I would find a nice facility, get them into a hospice program and enjoy the time you have left.
I would also gain the medical POA for both of your parents so while they're in a facility, you have the legal right to make decisions in addition to being their voice and advocate. As for your education, in this day and time colleges offer 100% of your education online. I would take advantage of it so you have something to fall back on when your parents have gone Home. Lastly, if you feel that they have been dumped on you then find a nice home for them. It will never get easier being the caregiver. Never.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I suggest you call their county Social Services and ask for a needs assessment for your parents. Someone will come to their home and evaluate the situation. Be sure you are present when this happens. Parents are known to be reluctant to admit their needs. You can interject, "Yes Mom, you do get your own lunch -- but that is when I make it and leave it in the fridge for you." The person doing the evaluation will know about what kind of help is available from the county and also other resources within the county. Can your parents pay for the help when it is located for them? Or will they need financial assistance? The Social Services person will be able to help with applying for financial aid, if that is appropriate. They will probably suggest Medicaid.
You need to be able to earn your own income and/or further your education. Someday you will retire and you'll need all the social security credits you can earn while you are healthy and fit. If you can make sure your parents are getting the help they need, and continue advocating for them, you don't have to personally provide all the hands-on care yourself.
Provide a little more information about your situation, and others will be able to give more specific suggestions.
As Jeanne suggests, get an assessment and get some help. Your job is to 'get a job or training' and then overlook care to be sure it is right and to visit as a daughter. Depending upon where you live, there will be many choices of facilities. Visit them before making a decision.
What is your plan when they live another 10 years (quite possible) and you then find yourself broke, uneducated, and unemployable? Why is their few years worth the rest of your life?
Get the moved into a home asap, and get on with your life.
About your brothers -- how did they "leave" your parents' care in your hands? How are they in charge of your decisions? Do they possibly think your parents belong in a care facility and if you don't think so then it's your job to care for them? That happens in some families.
About all those doctor visits -- it must be difficult to transport your father so often, and hard on him I would guess. Can't one of the nurses do the INR tests? We had that done in our home a few times. The nurse called the number into the clinic who made the decision about adjustments to medication if necessary. My husband's geriatrician was very sensitive to how hard it is to bring disabled elders in for appointments.
The kind of help your parents need is readily available in a nursing home. They'd have a clean environment, healthy food, their laundry done, people to talk to, activities to attend, and all their medical needs met onsite. And there would be three shifts of rested, alert people to tend to them.
It sounds like your parents can't afford to have the level of care they need in their home. That is sad but common.
I would also gain the medical POA for both of your parents so while they're in a facility, you have the legal right to make decisions in addition to being their voice and advocate.
As for your education, in this day and time colleges offer 100% of your education online. I would take advantage of it so you have something to fall back on when your parents have gone Home.
Lastly, if you feel that they have been dumped on you then find a nice home for them. It will never get easier being the caregiver. Never.