My mom has dementia, its been 9 years now. I quit my job when she first became diagnosed & watched her for 2 years. I had to return to work for 2 years then after that I quit my job to care for her. My cousin then came in and took care of her but then had to move. In August of last year my father had a major heart attack while he was in the hospital my sister became my fathers power of attorney. She last year also took my mom who supposedly signed her power of attorney form ,mind you my mom does not speak, feed herself or can not write for the last 3 years. My mother never authorized my sister to be her power of attorney. My brothers & sisters for the last year had made a calendar that we all took turns on, my mother has 13 children, all living. On the 4th of July, 2011 my sister had taken my parents for the weekend on her day back she was upset because my niece who was living with my parents took the day off, she sent out a txt to all of her brothers and sisters saying I'm putting mom in a home, without having a family meeting. There are 7 of us who would take her into our homes & care for she will not give up the power of attorney to either one of us. Yesterday I went to visit my mother at nursing home. She was limp i could not get the nurses to help me wake her, it was as if she had passed it took me 45 min. to get her conscious the nurses at the home said that she was fine & they could not do anything until my sister who has POA would arrived she would not answer our calls as we tried to tell her mom possibly was dead. When sister finally arrived 45 min. later mom came to. SHe then kicked me & my other family members out and said if we step a foot on the property she would have us arrested. What can we do if she has children willing to care for her in our own homes & how can we become POA, I dont want any money to take care of my mother she can have all the money which by the way my mother does not get alot. As for my father he has been afraid of disagreeing with my sister because she has threatened him that she would put him in a home so he has now agreed to putting mom in a home. What do I do please help!!
There's a lot of good advice here. A family mediator may be able to help bring some peace with all of these siblings involved. The Health Directive or Power of Attorney for Health Care is how health decisions are made. If your sister had any kind of POA "signed" after you mother couldn't write or speak, then there should have been a witness. Otherwise, you may have to get an attorney. It's so said to see families brought to this, and with you having given up so much, it’s got to be heartbreaking. Talk to a social worker at your social services office or see if there is a family mediator in the phone book. Someone like that may work, though as has been said, you may need an attorney.
Take care,
Carol
I have Durable POA with my mom. Right in the document it states that my rights can be revoked. Contact an attorney and try to get her rights revoked,but you will have to prove neglect of her POA duties more than "she put mom in a home without families consent," cause legally she can make decisions like that. In my Durable POA paperwork mom declared me guardian if court precedings would be filed for guardianship. Mom did that so my siblings couldn't fight me for guardianship for mom because siblings are money greedy and would throw mom in a home. I on the other hand quit my "LIFE" to help with mom so she can remain at home till the end. So you will need to get a hold of existing POA papers and check for that. In that case you might not be able to retain guardianship.
Just to add another thing: I was told by a professional(not sure if actually correct for every state)that as long as one is not deemed "incompentent" throught the COURT. They are not incompentent even though family feels differently. Until paperwork is filed and court proceedings happen to deem one incompentent. Your mother can still legally sign documents even if she doesn't understand and make a legal binding document. All she has to do is make an "X" or other marking and be witnessed and its legal. Its really up to the attorney or whomever is legalizing documents to make that moral call. So that is probably how your sis got POA done.
The Doctor can conclude that your mom is "incompentent" but again it has to be ruled through the court system. Because that is taking away your moms right for everything. So its more than just a doctor signing off on it. But don't be surprised if doctor doesn't want involved in matter. Because the doctor will have to provide detailed documentation and probably have to go to court to defend his decision. I was having problems with my sibling stealing my mom blind and I talked to her doctors about her mental status and they all refused to get involved.
I hope some of this info helps. I wish I had my siblings wanting to help with my mom. Your sister needs to realize that she has the support. There are lots of caregivers out there who WISH they had help from family.
Everything will work out, just stick together, and stand your ground.
She has a right to try to contact your mother. Your mother has the right to refuse contact.
In some states the POA document must be registered. I assumed she'd have a right to view it in those states.
What does she want a lawyer to do for her? Make her mother talk to her on the phone? Force you to violate your mother's rights to privacy? By all means, encourage her to get a lawyer. Let her pay to hear a professional tell her what her "rights" are. They do not include harassing you.
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