My dad is 91 years old and has vascular dementia. He was diagnosed Almost 2 years ago and until 2 months ago, he was doing ok. He would have "fuzzy" days, when nothing he said made sense, but then the next day he would be pretty good again. He would get fixated on stuff, but I could usually distract him and we'd be ok. Now his mind seems always in a state of confusion. We just started in-home care, Monday through Friday, 9 to 5, while I'm at work. This weekend has been a nightmare. He woke up at 5:00 am very upset and crying and I finally got him to go back to sleep. My husband died almost two years ago, and I'm an only child. My two kids try to help me, but I save them for emergencies. I've got to work. On the weekend I do the laundry and try to do a little yard work. I need more help. My dad has always said he never wanted to go into a facility, he wants to stay at home. Our house could work for a live-in care giver. What are the pros/cons of each? Thanks so much.
This would take the day to day burden off of you.
Maybe consider visiting a couple places and having him stay in one place for 2 weeks as respite care. You can see how he does and he might just like the dining, social and activities offered.
Although there are undeniably excellent AL facilities, at this point they are regulated very lightly, unlike NHs. If a person can participate in actitivies in an AL or NH, that's great. But some dementia patients are so far gone that those activities are of very little benefit to them. My husband is safer at home, whereas in the NH he fell, hit his head and had to go to the hospital for stitches, Xrays, etc. He wanted to walk, and the NH wanted to keep him in a wheelchair. That's one reason that they required a 24/7 sitter after he fell. I'm glad to be able to do this at home.
Let him try it.
Tour a few in your area, pick one and insist that he go for a respite stay of a few weeks (if necessary, you can tell a little white lie about needing to work 10-12 hours a day on a special project or something). You'll get a much-needed break and he'll see that life can be more interesting if he's not just sitting with a caregiver all day.