... be here with you all the time. (Yet, I know she wouldn't want that, she's always been so independent.) Is it just rubbing salt in the wound to apologize - again - that she's not with me, but in the nursing home. Yes, I know she can't come home. She's too fragile. How do I tell her I care... she's always been one to deny pain or even disappointments, other than general complaints, but I'd like her to know I wish things weren't as they are. She can understand. She's not too far into her dementia. But I feel so sad for her. Today, they will up her Cymbalta because her restless legs keep her awake and moving at night. So her lucidity will suffer. But she is 93, and has no interest in anything. Please remind me she's okay, and that I'm just feeling guilty for nothing......
When I visited with Mom I tried to keep things cheery. As FF said my Mom thought she was in another apartment. She didn't even think she was in a nursing home and I tried to not correct her. I brought her magazines. She really enjoyed that. I sometimes gave her facials and did her hair up in rollers. Shaved her chin hairs for her. Stuff she never would let anyone else do. Just tried to pamper her.
Hope these are some ideas for you.
When I take her downstairs in the private little TV room, we have lunch together and while there, I turn on Pandora and play music she likes while we eat. She has no "radio" and would not know how to use any kind of player. She just has no interest in keeping herself occupied with anything. Once in a blue moon she will have the TV on when I come to visit. But it's rare. That is very frustrating to watch, this giving up... as she used to be so active. It may very well just be the dementia or whatever...
I'm struggling to explain what I mean. You should be honest with your mother about your feelings, that's part of being yourself. Only, perhaps, be careful to emphasise that what you're sad about is that she is frail and that you can't all be together, rather than dwelling on the awfulness of where she is. After all, she has to live there! - it won't help if you look on it as some kind of older people's boot camp :)
So, I come and show her pics on my big smartphone, or take her downstairs to the computer room to show pics on our family Facebook page where I've asked family to post specifically for her.
She has no interest in any reading, puzzles, word-puzzles, or coloring... all things she started to slow down doing even when still at home 6 months ago. The parameters of her life were already shrinking before she entered the nursing home. It's as if God's timing is impeccable. I just need to remember to stay positive.
So.... thank you.... and I'm open to hearing more from anyone else! God bless you this Christmas season.
My Mom [98] thought she was in a hotel, and that I had a room down the hall. Well that was good. Mom would keep asking "when are we leaving" to which I would reply "tomorrow". Then the next day "can we call Mom to visit her" to which I would reply "I will call later".
Jocelyne, your Mom is ok, she is around Staff who are trained for anything that happens, this isn't their first rodeo where it was our first.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, it is a long, hard parting and it's terribly sad. But you have nothing to feel guilt about. You're making the best of reality, that's all; and it sounds as if your mother understands that. Hugs to you.