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I am so sorry that so many of us are going through this, but so thankful for this site and all the support. Dad seems to be ok with everything so far. The rehab facility really dragged out filling out the paperwork, so we are still waiting for a discharge date. Should be decided by tomorrow. He has been asking more questions about what to expect when he is "transferred". He has not asked how long he will be in the new place though. Seems very accepting of it so far, which makes me wonder if he really understands this is a permanent move. He did say something about stopping home first and then we could go see the place, but I told him we already chose a place and he would be going straight there. I just hope he is happy once he gets there. We are going to arrange to have his chair and tv and night stand set up in his room, so he will be glad about that.

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories...it has made this decision just a little bit easier because I know it is the best place for him to be for his safety.
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Well, the "you know what" really hit the fan last night. Dad said I was probably happy to get rid of him, will probably never visit, be off in "lala land" somewhere enjoying life. Then he started comparing me to my siblings. I really tried to be understanding and sympathetic of the fact that he is upset about going to AL, but when he started comparing me to my siblings, I lost it. I couldn't believe what he was saying to me. The sacrifices I have made over the last 5 years while taking care of him are numerous. He has no idea. He has no appreciation for everything I have done for him. I got so upset, said I couldn't believe he was saying all of this to me, that he hurt my feelings and then I left. I am so angry right now. If he really thinks I am going to be in lala land (not really sure what that means) he is sorely mistaken. I have to move myself and my kids to a smaller place because I can no longer afford to live in the place I got...for him! This means moving my kids for the third time in 5 years. If he thinks that is easy, it isn't. I am stressing about bills, I am stressing about getting him settled as the rehab facility has been most uncooperative about doing what they need to do to get him transferred. My job is suffering with all the time I have taken off for him. I have to take yet another day today to do his intake at the AL. Tomorrow, my brother and I are moving his beloved chair and TV so he has his creature comforts...but according to him, I will be off in lala land. I didn't deserve that.
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He is just scared and wants to make you feel guilty He's taking it out on the only person he feels close to and safe with because he knows you won't desert him. You have to remember this is all part of the disease. You can't take anything he says personally (I know it's easier said than done:) It's like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum when they don't get what they want or a teenager saying they hate you when you ground them.
Look at the final goal. Once he is in AL you will have more control over your life. He will eventually settle in. Hopefully he will enjoy your visits. If not and he is abusive you have the power to limit the visits. Take care of yourself and your kids. They come first.
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You have done your best. If the old man doesn't like it, that is unfortunate, but he is NOT coming home, he is NOT ever going to 'get better', and YOU have done the right thing. Let the tantrums commence, he will settle down eventually, and if you visit and get an earful of sh*t, get up and leave. Go and live your life, you have kids to take care of and you deserve better than you have suffered through! 'The dogs bark, but the caravan moves on'.
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