My 73 yr old mom has Alzheimer's. Her mom died at 72 with the same. She recently had cataract surgery and is staying with me. She constantly wants to go home. My brother is getting out of prison in 3 wks and wants to live with her. I do not want him around as he steals thousands and manipulates her. I have a Power of Attorney for her. Every few minutes is Groundhog Day and I don't know what to do. If he comes to my house, it is possible that I will be in jail afterwards. I have spoken to my mom about living in a place where people can monitor her meds, (lots of them) and who comes to see her, plus her checkbook, jewelry, etc. would not be accessible to him that way. Anybody who has gone thru this have any words of wisdom as to how to handle. She agrees then disagrees that this would be a good option, but worries about her son when he gets out. By the way, I am the responsible clean up person.
I'd try your long-term care ombudsman for advice on making the move. Go to www.ltcombudsman.org or your state website under "aging." You'll find the one who represents you. They have a lot of information for you and should be able to help you find a way to get her into a safe environment.
Take care and good luck,
Carol
My mom expects my brother to keep her home in good shape and I think he wants to be as helpful for her as he can, yet he has no thought of himself, of making himself a more dependable, reliable person by being responsible, keeping a car available and keeping his driver's license so he can take her to the grocery store or doctor's visits. Mom doesn't ever want to ask her children for money but my brother who lives with her will often tell us mom needs "this" or "that" for her computer or a new dish washer, etc. and we know it is because our brother wants to use these things too, and does us them.
Thank you for listening to my caregiving story. One day I may have to bring my mother to live with me; however, I pray the day never comes that my brother who lives with her needs help from me. I'm sorry but...what goes around often comes around.
This is a statement I have made after much thought and lots of time alone with God in prayer.
I have paid caregivers who come in once and awhile to help Mom. I have removed all her valuables from her home and store them in my home...that way you are removing temptation. Have her mail forwarded to you. Get her PoA and set up an online account at her bank to monitor her finances.
I (along with several of my friends) were so appalled when we found out that our siblings were taking money from our parents. My brother coaxed my Mom into getting a credit card then took out a cash advance on it, promised to pay it back, and never did. He lives a chaotic life - but she insists that she does not want to "give up on him." I said, "he has given up on you." He hasn't been here to visit her in 3 years.
I know how you feel. You do not want to tell your Mom what to feel about her son, on the other hand, you need to protect her.
Users have oh so many ways to take advantage. But I am also vigilant about intercepting anyone who wants take what is not theirs.
My mother and brother have very similar personalities...do the absolute worse things for themselves then come to others for help. I have been "batting clean-up" for years.
You do not have to welcome your brother into your home. You mother should stay with you until you have found a safe placement for her. And monitor all of her investments and finances.
Once your brother sees that she is no longer a meal ticket he will move onto the next victim.
Good luck...you shouldn't have to deal with this in addtion to caring for your mother....Lilli