Memory care resident jiggling mom's door handles & knocking. Any ideas?
I'm facing yet another dilemma with my 92 y/o mother who lives in Memory Care. There is a resident who's wheelchair bound, harmless as a kitten, but keeps knocking on my mother's door and jiggling the lever-style door handle. Her unit stays locked and the man has no way to enter her room, so he gives up after a while and moves on to the next door. My mother has decided this man is extremely dangerous and wanting to harm her and 'punch her in the stomach'. Nothing I can say will talk her off the ledge. She can't sleep, she won't go into the dining room now for dinner for fear of running into him, and insists he's doing this even when she's not in her room (which makes no difference anyway). She wants to move out now, and is kicking up a giant fuss. I have already spoken with the Executive Director who says there is nothing she can really DO about this; it's harmless, it may be irritating, yes, but the man is not causing her any harm. I suggested last night we put something OVER the door handle.......I keep envisioning an umpire's face cage..........to prevent him from jiggling the handle. But that won't stop him from knocking on the door, I know.
She knows enough to call in a caregiver when this man is knocking/jiggling, and the caregiver redirects him right away. So they ARE able to manage the situation, but not to HER liking.
My mother has always been highly anxiety ridden, but nowadays it's amped up greatly due to this situation. Once this is resolved, it will be another drama............but I would like to clear this up, if possible. She is 100% convinced he is 'out to get' her. If I move her out, it'd be into Skilled Nursing WITH a roommate, which believe me would NOT be taken well. She hates women with a vengeance, and the toilet bowl is NOT something she'd like to share! She's much better off where she's at, at least for now.
Does anyone have ANY suggestions/ideas/remedies for how to fix this situation? My husband is saying we should tape a hand towel above the door handle to 'hide' it from this man's view. That may work, but wouldn't prevent him from knocking. The ED is saying she will tie a scarf with a big bow around the handle to see if that deters him.
Any ideas, ANYTHING?
9 Answers
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Thanks!!
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if the director won’t fix the problem or her scarf won’t work, try your husband’s idea. Maybe you could even put a closed sign on the door? Maybe it would register with the man that no one is there.
The CLOSED sign isn't a bad idea either, thank you! :)
In your case they could put it across the door handle.
Things we don't think of before putting our loved ones in Assisted Care. :-(
The MC place I work at is way worse.....residents are found in others beds all the time, they wander and can leave tgeir doors open, etc. My mother would have died of fright by now had she been in THIS place!!
Get some cotton batting and with double sided tape attach it to the door where he can reach then put a pretty fabric over the batting. You can use this to post photos or little decorations during the year.
A childproof doorknob cover should work for the door handle as well. Might want to double check this as it might be a safety concern, anyone trying to get in in an emergency will be delayed a bit with the cover. If the towel works, great you could also try a pool noodle cut to size or pipe insulation.
When working in a NH I witnessed a man who made his rounds about 4:30-5:00 every afternoon, "checking" all the doors to confirm they were locked. He had been a nightwatchman all his life.
Another resident, with nothing in her hand, scrubbed everything in sight throughout the day. Her husband explained she had never worked a public job, but was a conscientious spotless housekeeper.
I might touch base with the long term care ombudsmans office near you...because while it is sort of harmless, it IS causing mental/emotional harm for your mom and that shouldn't be okay considering someone is paying for this care. It's nice to hear the staff is so responsive; it would also be interesting to see if your mom weren't in that particular room if he still kept it up.
I mean, it's like they see this as your mom being the problem, when it is this guy who should maybe be the one having to relocate? Is it possible another room would open up that your mom could switch to? Would t hat appease her, to know it will happen asap, even if it's down the road?