Small things, like "oh you're reading again", or, "oh you're up", in these mind-mess quotes to me, or "why are leaving so early" (taking one half hour to run errands????????), or "I don't like rice and don't know why you keep making it", and "stupid TV isn't working" (think pressed wrong button on remote). I could go on, but the BS is endless and I mean endless. I'm ready for a timeout!!
When I was just out of college, I worked with a teaching program with Head Start kids (like pre-schooler age kids). One statement that they taught us that always stuck with me was "Ignore Deviant Behavior". Kids do things to get a reaction. If your mom is getting a reaction from you, that's probably why she's throwing out those little zingers. If you just act like you didn't hear them and go about your business, she'll have to find something else to use to engage with you. If it's something positive, then react.
If you're not reacting and she's still throwing out zingers, then you have to just work on ignoring them. All of our loved ones have things that annoy us. My mom asks me the same question every couple of minutes until I tell her that we've talked about it 4 times already or I get her on some other topic. It's beyond annoying. But she can't help it, as she has no short-term memory. So I have to adjust my reaction, since she's not going to change.
The other thing that REALLY helps is to have some fun/joy/friends in your life. When your life is limited to your mom and your house, little things will drive you up the wall. When you have outside activities to look forward to or things that you love to do that you can lose yourself doing, all of these little things are less important because your world is bigger and includes some good things too.
habit - did she always do this? Does she do it to or about everyone?
deflection - generalised dissatisfaction being concentrated onto the nearest target i.e. you
stream of consciousness that isn't, in fact, intended as criticism. My mother often says "AAH! THERE you are..!" when I come into the room, as though she's been on tenterhooks waiting for me for hours. It sets my teeth on edge. I have got a bit crisp about it sometimes, and pointed out that if she wants something specific she should press her call button, or else make an effort not to sound narky about being kept waiting. But actually I'm not sure she means anything at all by it.
The other one that gets on my nerves - I agree - is the assumption that I've been skipping off on a gay whirl of recreational shopping whenever I've left the house. I have literally come back holding her prescription bag and been asked "did you get everything you wanted?"
The thing is, though, I don't think they've changed their attitude. I think we might be getting allergic to it?!
My Mom does this but unfortunately it's difficult for her to do much, she's in a wheelchair and has a lot of pain. Her mood as actually improved now that she cuts up the meat for the blind guy at her assisted living home. She says she has to go to dinner "because H needs me".
I got up, walked away and when she couldn't see me I flashed her my middle finger! I feel better already!
See All Answers