She dislocated her shoulder and fractured her wrist. Her fall could've been so much worse so I am thankful she didn't injure herself more than that. I am comfortable with the rehab she is in so I know she is safe and being well taken care of.
I'm feeling very guilty for even saying this, but I am so happy to have a break. How do I get past the guilt and try to enjoy and recharge instead?
Hope your mom feels better soon.
It can can also be difficult to detach from their condition into the false guilt of our enjoying ourselves when they are declining. It’s easy to become enmeshed with parents’ condition and lose the reality that we are individuals with needs. We cannot take away the suffering of others. We can only be with them to support them. It’s normal to feel pain when another suffers but it’s our pain, not theirs. If you don’t get away and care for your own needs periodically you’re at risk for getting compassion fatigue which will be harmful to your health and limit your ability to be helpful to anyone.
Be good to yourself. Your parents in their earlier years would want you to be.
Peace.
DL
I felt it every time dad fell or got sick and had to be in the hospital.
Would pray for him to have to stay for days in the hospital as I live in house with my parents.
Full time 24/7 year round.
Came home with guilt, tears in eyes, showered, clean the house got some sleep knowing it was time for a recharge, breath in and out, yoga and cardio.
You will make it. Know that it's ok
I'm still in this from Dec
2009 til current now with mom.
Dad passed on April 12, 2018, Full-time non paid no income.
Welcome that breather moments with guilt and tears to care for yourself.
Also there is no reason for you to feel guilty, even though I know it is natural to feel so. You are a blessing to your mom, and she loves you. She would want you to be happy and free of pressure and stress. So go ahead and recharge guilt-free.
Bless you for being a loving child to your mom.
This was the first time in 3 years that I was able to get a good nights sleep. He is back home now. He has Parkinsons and dementia. His caregiving needs are starting to get beyond what I can do for him and now I wish he was back in the rehab nursing facility. I did hire a caregiver and he left after 1 week. I am simply overwhelmed. Sorry, I’m just venting right now about my situation. I hope for the best for you and that all works out for all involved.
!
Anyway the Social Worker said something that really started to get me thinking about having a different view on what was best for Mom. She said our quality of live could highly impact the quality of care we could give Mom.
Since I was not able to give as much physical care to Mom as I wanted, and did not feel it was fair to bourdon my spouse with this, not that she wasn’t willing to for a while, but I could see how it was taking a big toll on her. So we started looking for a good home for Mom.
We found an excellent Memory Care Home and within 6 months we transitioned her there.
One of Mom’s long time care givers would take her to visit the home and have a small meal with some of the residents to get her used to the home, or at least it would seem familiar to her.
It was a really easy transition for her.
As you might imagine I felt quite a bit of guilt, and hated that I couldn’t just go down the stairs to see Mom whenever I wanted to. Now I had to rely of others to take me to see Mom and be there with me to interact with her in this new environment. But my wife who is the smartest person I know said, “Your Mom is on her own journey and we are a part of that, but ultmilly it is her journey.”
I got a lot of peace from that, knowing I am still taking care of my Mom in the best way possible for all of us.
She is getting great care and they love her there.
She has been at BeeHive Homes for almost 2 years now and has had some falls the last one resulting in a broken hip we think. She is on Hospice Care and since they can control the pain we decided not to have surgery on it. Mom is 85 and I felt this was the right decision for her.
So I don’t think you should feel guilty about having some time to yourself. Just remember your Mom is on her own journey as are you, and it may look different than you first imagined, but, hopefully it will all work out to benefit you all.
You accomplished a big good for your mom by getting her into a safe, competent rehab. That's taken care of. Now, can you see this time as a form of necessary "rehab" for you? Your mom is resting and recuperating, and you can be too. You could kind of parallel your mom's process with your own, which is just as important. Then you don't need to feel guilty (I mean, you really don't need to feel guilty at all; I'm just suggesting an alternative mindset that lets YOU release the guilt).
Enjoy your break time and make the most of it, it will be a great benefit to your mom too. You happy and refreshed is a benefit to Mom!
I remember the last time, a few years back, my folks went to visit my out of state sister. I sensed at the time it would be MY last staycation (living with them). I spent the time CLEANING. I was an IDIOT. I should have savored every second. And in a way, I did. The change in environment made it clear that mom had dementia, among other things. It's an odd situation because generally, they are functional and can manage fine...well, dad anyhow...and dad sort of oversees mom...but I am too uneasy really going away very far. I'm fortunate that a lovely pet friendly hotel is within 45 minutes. Do not waste one more second of your precious respite time on guilt. Make the most of this. And do check in with your local area agency on aging which may have a caregiver support program so you can get some more time off..
I'm sorry for your mom's fall and glad it wasn't worse. Unfortunately as we get older and (some of the meds we're on doesn't help), we get off balance and we fall. It happens, so please take the time you have to refresh, recharge, and please pamper yourself. You're no good to anyone, (more importantly yourself), if you don't take care of your needs first.
So please try not to feel guilty. You are a caring person, I can tell just by reading your post.
God bless you and guide you.💕
Did you ever do something really stupid that cracked you up laughing and also hurt like crazy, all at the same time? Hit your funny bone, maybe? I can think of a few but am not going to share them here, but yeah, I have had a few incidents where I was crying with pain and laughing my head off at the same time. Think I even peed myself. My point is, it's okay to enjoy your time off, guilt-free, and still feel sympathy for the injured party.
So no, there is nothing wrong with you enjoying a bit of respite under the circumstances. If emotions are like colors, this kind of event can be like a beautiful sunset. Several emotions all mixed up together to make something memorable. Yes, there are the dark clouds of pain. But there is also the sunshine of knowing it's a minor injury, she'll get good care, and you'll come back refreshed and rested. So enjoy!
I totally agree.
You should assess why she fell. If it is related to a condition that can be changed. Change what you can. Did she trip on an area rug..remove area rugs. Did she trip on a stair? Modify her living or the house so she does not have to deal with stairs. Did she slip in the shower? Get a bench or shower chair so she does not have to stand. Did she trip on a wrinkle in the carpet? Remove the carpeting in the areas where she will be.
Once you have made any corrections if necessary think about what might me next and prepare in advance.
Stop feeling guilty. Everyone needs a break (no pun intended!)
You might even want to think about a week of Respite every 6 months or at least a week or two once a year.
Recharge, relax and enjoy! This is a golden opportunity to find yourself again!