She has been in the AL since July 2013. We had a good schedule at the beginning but now that she is slipping deeper into dementia, she is unsure of herself and stays very confused. The first time I ignore her calls, she had her first panic attack so now I don't know whether to answer or let them roll to voice mail. Also, she has stopped depending on the staff to help her so she is depending on me to help her with dinner time and activities. I have talked to the director and he said that as long as she was calling I knew she was ok so let them roll. Of course now that her memory is getting worse and I live 2 hours from her, I have the quilt of something happening to her and I didn't answer her call.
What to do ??????
Any and all suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
(btw she has called three times while I was typing this)
Then make sure the staff have your regular cell phone number and know to call you without fail if there is actually a problem.
It's a tough one...but she's in AL and they need to help manage her behavior. That's why you're paying them the big bucks.
My mother did this same thing to my sister, but Mother was living alone. My sister refused to ignore her. It wasn't a good thing to go through.
Turn off the ringer. If the home calls, you know something is wrong. Step back a week or two and tell her you went on vacation. She probably won't remember that you were not answering the day before. Call her once a week, more if you must, but go out and LIVE like she taught you to!
She is no longer responsible for her actions of compulsively calling you. She is in that gray area between functionality and the awful descent of dementia. In our modern world, we must put our elders in AL and NHs, instead of keeping them in our homes. We just can't stay with them every day, unless we're independently wealthy. Your mother is frightened, she needs to learn to bond with the AL staff or she will continue to be miserable and make you miserable with the phone calls, too. She will still love you if you let her go for a while. It's not permanent. It's for her sake, and there's not much more you can do.
Your mom probably has OCD too. & just calls you. It's become part of a habit for her. My mom is opposite. Won't answer her cell phone.
She wants everyone to go away. Leave her alone to drink alone.
I answered above. But thought of more.
Nothing is harder than care takings our moms. It's beyond hard.
I've had to put those thoughts of my mom in a place in my head. That it's beyond my control.
My mothers actions caused her to bleed to death. Alcohol ulcer.
Lucky she was brought back to life. & blood pumped into her.
My mom was given another chance at life.
She's blowing it. Her choice. Her life. Very sad.
Try to laugh when she calls. & think of me. I have the mom who never calls. Cuz she's so drunk.
You have the mom that calls too much. Lol !!!!!
Tomorrow is a new day so I am going to TRY to not answer as many.
Wish me luck. She is my best friend and it hurts to not have my "real" mother. And knowing that one day I will not be able to talk to her daily makes it worse.