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Mom is in a “memory care facility” since January that takes Medicaid but it is far from any family and she doesn’t understand why we can’t see her more. Mom was alienated from her family for years by her controlling husband. POA agent is not family. She ignores our calls and won’t share medical info. We want what is best for Mom and were advised that in Texas, if she signs new POA docs with me as agent we can move her to a better location. My question is- what do I need to know that I don’t know about caring for her, especially if there is no money? Would the current POA agent have to turn everything over? Our guess is that my mom’s husband hid her assets and this POA agent already got what was left -or there was nothing.Thanks for prior answers, and any new ideas. I’m really struggling with this situation, and just cannot afford to spend money intended for my life and retirement on legal fees when my mother, with her trusting nature made a bad choice to marry this con man years ago. It’s a lesson to everyone. You cannot defend yourself against evil people once you get dementia. You may leave the ones who really love you completely powerless to help you.

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Justine says, "Texas law says an elder with dementia still has rights to sign a POA unless the elder has been ruled incompetent by a COURT."

From AI about attorney in Texas assessing whether a person is competent to sign legal documents. There's more if you want to Google:

"In Texas, an attorney assesses a person's competency to assign a Power of Attorney (POA) by evaluating whether they understand the nature of the document and the acts they are authorizing, considering factors like dementia stage and cognitive abilities, and potentially using cognitive tests or seeking expert opinions." THE ATTORNEY CAN DECIDE. It says nothing about a COURT.

In my family an attorney assessed the competency of a person who had obvious cognitive difficulties and deemed them able to sign POA and Will. The person was well known to the attorney, who is a graduate of Harvard. This was in Texas.
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Justine, thanks for clarifying with your responses below. I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't have expertise regarding the Medicaid issues but some others can probably give you guidance on how to find out what you need to know before taking this one (and deciding whether it's feasible to take on).
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If you mom is in memory care, then she would not be considered competent to reassign her POA. If she ignores your calls and won't share medical info, and was alienated for years, then how do you know that she wants to see you more? Not challenging you, just trying to understand the situation.

Who is "we"? How much time have you or anyone else in the family spent with her since her husband passed away? Moving her might not be what's best for her. Have you talked with the person who holds her POA to find out details? Did your mom actually tell you directly that she wants to change her POA?
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JustineL Mar 30, 2025
I think you misunderstood. The POA, (let’s call her Becky) will not talk to us or show us the POA documents. Nor will the facility where mom is. Legally the facility cannot. Becky could choose to be cooperative with our family but she seems to enjoy her power and has told the nursing home not to tell any of us any of mom’s medical info. Just because my mother’s husband hated us, Becky will not use better judgment to cooperate with those who really love mom now. Becky is an outsider (she was a friend of my mom’s and her husband’s years ago and though he had burned bridges with EVERYONE, mom’s husband only summoned Becky back into their lives so he could carry out his plan against our family because he was afraid she’d die first and we would put him in a nursing home. Not true. I would have done right by him but he judged others by his own harsh judgment of others). My mom doesn’t understand why I am not in charge.
Even though I live 6 hours away, (in a different city in Texas) I have traveled to see my mother 3 times since January (I have a full time job and my husband has health issues). Even though Mom is in and out of reality with dementia, she knows me and wants me to take her out of there so I can see her more often. (And yes, numerous other family members have been to see her as well). I have already found a memory care facility near me that is a Medicaid facility. This place is not the Ritz- none of them are.
Numerous lawyers have told me I CAN get her to sign a new POA because she likely has NOT been declared “incompetent” which is a legal court proceding.
My question is—once I get the POA and get mom to a closer facility— if there is no money left is this going to be an issue for me since I have no money to spend on this situation or will everything be paid for by Medicaid for her facility and Medicare for her medical needs?
In other words, I am struggling between doing what is right and most loving for my mom by moving her to a facility near to family and being able to know what is going on with her health and talk to her doctors—-and just leaving her where she is and not getting a new POA and just HOPING this Becky will always make the best decisions on her behalf.
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Are you sure that the current POA is actually mom's POA, not her deceased husband's? Mom was allowed to appoint her own POA unless she was incompetent, and it wouldn't have had to be the one her husband was using.

Is her dementia actually diagnosed? If not, she could possibly revoke the current POA and appoint someone else, either where she is or in Texas. Even if she has dementia, if a lawyer deems her competent, she'd be able to revoke and reappoint.

I'm curious about what mom wants. Does she talk to you? Do you know?

As for what you need to know about caring for her yourself - forget about it. It's a full-time job, and you'd have to learn a lot in a short period of time in order to do it. I'm assuming that since she's in memory care, that's the level of care she needs, and it would be better for her to stay there where professionals provide it.
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JustineL Mar 30, 2025
The POA, Becky, was alternate POA for them both in case one or the other of them died. She is also executor of their wills. Mom only signed the docs at the insistence of her husband, everyone in our family knows this. She did not understand that it would make us powerless now, when she needs us most. Texas law says an elder with dementia still has rights to sign a POA unless the elder has been ruled incompetent by a COURT. This means Becky would have had to become guardian. I was told it is unlikely she would do this, as it can be costly. Please read my reply to the last person’s answer to my post. There is so much to explain to even ask the right question so people in the forum can understand. It is a great favor to me that any of you take your time to respond in my time of weighing pros and cons in making these decisions.
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Only a legally competent person can change, assign a new POA.

You say your mother has no funds? You are saying in any case that her MC accepts Medicaid and I assume therefore that she has no funds. If I am wrong let me know.
That likely means that she will not be moving to a better place.

What benefit do you think the POA with someone in MC (which likely costs close to 10 to 20K per month) or is on Medicaid would conceivably get?

In any case, with dementia, this is all a moot point. Mom has a POA and that POA is/has been/likely will be acting in her best behalf. She chose this person over her family when she was competent to do so. I would step away, visit, get on with your life. But you are an adult, and must decide for yourself how to move forward. If you DO move forward that should be with an attorney's guidance. This isn't DIY. You require expert guidance and advice.
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Mom Is in another state? She needs to be determined competent to change paperwork. It will be more difficult to get guardianship through probate and might cost thousands. You do not know about caring nor do you have a plan.

She is in a MC that will take Medicad. Generally for MC she needs to be a resident for a while to qualify. Plus there is a 5 year lookback that the POA needs to account for every penny for Medicaid. So if there is any hidden money or gifting, then she will not qualify for Medicaid for a certain amount of time.

If you plan to move her, it might be disastrous because in order to be on the top of the list for the better facilities she needs to be a paying resident for a while. If you move her and find she is Medicaid ready, she might go to the first available bed regardless of the location in the state that is close to family.

There is still something fishy here because you mention alienation and controlling family. This opinion can be relative to one side. She has been married. She has a POA that was completed before she had dementia. That means she has another side to the story.
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Generally a person with dementia can not legally sign legal paperwork.
IF an Attorney talks to her and the Attorney determines that she understands what the paperwork is for then they MIGHT go ahead and do the POA. But if she medically has been declared not competent then you may have to obtain Guardianship.
This might be "fairly easy" since the person that is POA is not related to her.
Guardianship is not easy nor is it inexpensive.
You also have to check to see if there are facilities in your area that have available Medicaid beds.
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A person with dementia cannot sign legal documents, it’s too late for that, no changes can be made once a sound mind is no longer present. The POA cannot legally take mom’s money for his/her self, it is supposed to be spent on her care. The use of Medicaid indicates there is no money of mom’s left, for reasons we cannot know. To move her, you’d have to find a local facility that accepts Medicaid and have the cooperation of the POA
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