Mom moved in 90 on a walker and is housebound. We moved her in with us due to falls, fragility. She sits in ths family room all day coughing and watching tv. Nobody else wants to be in there with her as she coughs, asks you do to stuff for her, so we are in our bedrooms. I don't want to put her in a nursing home but I'd like my house back. Please help.
She's in the "family room". Is there a living room or parlor in addition? Who is staying in their Room? Kids? Teenagers? Adults? Everyone? What was your family's habit before Gram moved In? What would you LIKE your family home/time to look/feel like?
So, is the cough what is Bothersome? Is it interrupting the TY viewing/music Listening? And about TV, is there discussion of what gets watched that is fair?
If this is going to work, everyone has to do some adjusting, including Grandma.
Hey, I grew up as a young kid and teen with my grandmother living with us. I've lived this and know what a toll it can take on family life, growing kids, my parents's marriage and the tone of the home.
Think and talk this out.
My mother had what the pharmacy ads call an "irritating" cough. I think it's supposed to mean dry and tickly as opposed to a productive or phlegmy cough; but actually irritating is dead right - it had me writhing with annoyance to the point of swallowing my own tongue. Hers was a side effect of blood pressure medication, I knew she couldn't help it, and I knew there was nothing to be done about it, but oh for crying out loud.
If your mother is taking a px for raised blood pressure, by the way, and you haven't already, you could try asking her doctor to try a different type. Apparently some people cope better with some than with others. But I have to admit that we tried that and it made no difference to the cough. A sort of "ch'hm! ch'hm! chchch-HM!" every half minute or so, or after she'd spoken.
Gosh, there are some things I don't miss so much.
You don't have a spare bedroom you could make into a kind of little boudoir for your mother? Or a pretty conservatory? No way of switching rooms around so that she's not smack in the middle of everything, all the time?
If this is a recent move, and the awful truth is that it's an experiment that just hasn't worked, you can honourably think again. Not all facilities and nursing homes are the same. There's no harm in visiting a few near you just to see if they're better than you realised.
Is it the cough that is a bother/concern, or simply her presence?
Your Mom probably doesn't want to be alone in her own room, she wants company like it was back in the olden days when everyone sat around the kitchen table to talk. Now, people vanish to their own rooms due to social media and to watch TV shows that probably wouldn't interest an elder. Time to compromise to make everyone happy.
I know its hard being the caregiver and also giving up parts of your house. Is there another part of the house that could be developed into a family space? I'm not sure if the basement is developed or maybe an empty bedroom upstairs could be converted into a family room.
I know you don't want to consider a nursing home, but maybe that is something to start thinking about. It is hard on the younger generation when living with an elderly parent. Trying to find a compromise is tough. I hope you can find an option that works for your family.