So my younger sister lived with my mom for 13 years as an adult until we sold the house and moved her into a 1 bedroom condo 10 years ago (mom was not bad then) Since she has had a heart issue and a stroke that has left her feeble and with loss of some memory and irrational thoughts at times-- Sis has very little income and no one in her life. She convinced my Mom to shut me out -I wanted to move her to assisted living years ago and Sis would not agree telling Mom I was placing her in nursing facility - 2 years ago she took my Mom to an attorney and had her change the will and POA leaving her everything an shutting me out - I did not find out until a few months ago when Mom & Sis had a huge fight and Mom called me for help - She told me everything and wanted to change her will back to a 50/50 split. I accomplished this but Sis found out came back and talked Mom is reversing it again- Mom now in hospital for 3 weeks - Lung & bone cancer - Sis trying to get her into REHAB so insurance pays and she can save Mom's money being she is to inherit it all - I guess insurance will pay for up to 100 days and she is hoping she will pass before that- Not sure with all her issues and the immense amount of 24 hr care Mom needs that a REHAB will take her-Mom is not eligible for Medicaid and Medicare does not pay for long term nursing care -Mom has enough money to pay for about a year-
Sis slightly talking to me as I have been at the hospital daily but I have no power in decisions and Mom is scared & thinks Sis is protecting her - Mom thinks she actually can get better and go home and care for herself - totally not happening.
I am speaking to an attorney about my options - Clearly Mom is not now - nor was she 2-5 years ago competent enough to change her will - I know for a fact that her doctor signed a competency letter without even speaking or examining her and she does have moments when she is completely lucid and you would think she is not too bad mentally-
If she spent every penny making herself comfortable till the end, I would be very happy - Sis is about to stick her in a substandard REHAB facility temporarily - What can I do????
Also what I don't get from you is that you think rehab is substandard and yet you already know she cannot go home.
You've already said your sister hasn't savings, income or work history as she has lived with, and finally cared for mother. She's done this by her own and her mother's choice. You admitted you wanted your mother in care some time ago, something your mother and sister didn't want.
Now your mother is hospitalized, and she has a RIGHT to rehab if her doctor deems it appropriate. Your sister is her POA. THEY will decide.
As others have said here, we have one side. YOURS. And STILL I don't think you make a very attractive case for yourself.
Looks like your Sis beat you to the attorney's this last time. What can I say.
No one MAKES anyone change wills, POA, inheritance and other thing unless there is either severe dementia or a gun to the head. And if she DID do what you accuse her of doing, then YOU did the very same thing to get it reversed. Now it is reversed again. What an ugly game of chairs this became, imho. Tragic.
Now your poor mom is dying. After all this.
Clearly you will not want a lot to do with the sister you have fought all this time. You will be alone.
Why not visit your mother, be a loving daughter until the end, and then move on with your OWN life? To me that sounds like the best plan. And to me your sister has earned everything she may get.
Many people on Forum criticize some of my advice saying that people come here for comfort and support. IF you came here for comfort and support I am sorry I am unable to accommodate you. I hope others will. I will tell you the truth AS I SEE IT. And I am NOTHING if not judgmental. I consider judgement something we need daily to manage our own lives. I am just FULL of opinions. They are free. And you are free to kick them to the curb as you please. But I would BEG YOU to be kind to your mother and stop talking to her about money and inheritance.
I wish your mother peace, love, and the very best on this the last of a journey that's clearly been tough for her.
It seems your sister has been your Mom's hands-on caregiver and care manager to a long time. She is probably burnt out. Your second-guessing everything she does is probably exhausting her further.
"Sis trying to get her into REHAB so insurance pays..."
Yes. This is what everyone on this forum does. This is correct. To pay out of pocket would be unaffordable. If your Mom is older than 65 then she has Medicare. Medicare would pay for the rehab (up to a point). It has nothing to do with saving your Mom's money for an inheritance. She has a strategy to stretch your Mom's savings because she's going to need it.
"Mom is not eligible for Medicaid and Medicare does not pay for long term nursing care -Mom has enough money to pay for about a year-"
Medicaid will pay for LTC (combined with your Mom's SS income) when your Mom qualifies medically and financially You are estimating in about a year. The strategy would be for her to go into a good facility as private pay (which you said will last about 1 year), then (if she's in LTC) about 4 or 5 months before she runs out of all her assets (except house and car) she applies for Medicaid. It is true that Medicare doesn't pay for custodial care (AL, MC or LTC).
What makes you think the rehab facility is substandard? Sometimes local rehabs are FULL and she has to go somewhere. If it's not a good place, then you and your sister can look for a better one and keep on top of it for transferring your Mom.
"I know for a fact that her doctor signed a competency letter without even speaking or examining her and she does have moments when she is completely lucid and you would think she is not too bad mentally"
How did you come upon this information? Did you get if from your Mom? If so, please reread your earlier sentance:
"a stroke that has left her feeble and with loss of some memory and irrational thoughts at times..."
If your Mom has memory impairment then she may not remember being given a test or that she is not able to manage her own affairs anymore.
I'm sorry for your Mom's cancers. You asked what you can do, and my answer is to be useful to your sister by asking her how you can help her to help your Mom and stop assuming she is The Devil.