Mom is 99. We live 2000 miles apart. The assisted living is not very helpful. There's always an argument about taking out the garbage or washing her hair or her clothes...every week it's something new. Mom's quality of life is zero. She is in constant pain, deaf, and doesn't see well. Her legs are useless so she drags herself every where. It's really horrifying to be part of this. I am the only child.
As far as hospice goes, my mother does NOT qualify for their services, even WITH all of her issues. Your mother may not either, but she may. Have you looked into it? My mother takes Tramadol 4x a day for her chronic pain, and says it doesn't help at all. For hospice, she doesn't meet the criteria (even WITH dementia advancing) because she hasn't lost 20% of her body weight, believe it or not!!!!!!!! She eats like a trucker and weighs 190 lbs. So...........that's where we stand on the hospice matter.
Anyway, I hope God decides to take your mom sooner rather than later because being 99 and in the shape she's in is too much. Sending you a big hug of empathy and understanding. I get it.
Knowing the terminology of different levels of care is vital, and this is a good example. She needs daily nursing care for pain management, mobility issues, and basic living needs such as bathing. That's skilled nursing.
My LO is in the memory care area of a very good LA, and there is a tiered set up providing progressively increasing levels of care as needs emerge.
Do you have any possible connections in her area whom you could employ to provide surveillance over her circumstances and loop mom’s needs to you, especially concerning her day to day care?
Prayer? I pray. What I forget sometimes, is “Let go, and Let God”. If YOU are doing the VERY BEST YOU CAN, whether from a distance or next door, in Covid World, that may be all you can do.
I deeply appreciate your intention of doing the best for her that you can. I’m linked in a situation in which my LO has 2 POAs, one of whom lives over 1,000 miles away.
Until Covid I was able to provide companionship and oversight, and of course for the time being, that’s not presently possible.
The other POA writes a check once a month and calls and complains about what I do (“due diligence”-LOL).
I think it would be helpful for you to pursue to possibility of a “visitor”, ideally one who could “drop by” at different times during the day to see what’s happening in your mom’s residence.
I’m assuming that you’ve gone over your mom’s contract with her residence, to be sure that she receives ALL the services she’s paying for. Times are unquestionably strained, and things that WERE done and should be done are lost in the Covid struggles, but there should be some parts of her contract (laundry for example) that should be absolute baselines.
I know my few ideas aren’t much help. Hoping some others can do better for you.
I would find a nice LTC facility and use the money Mom has left for her care then apply for Medicaid when it runs out.
As said, you may want to see if she qualifies for Hospice.
But if you want company, the Elizabeth Berg's WONDERFUL BOOK called "I'll Be Seeing You". You will, at the least, know that you are not alone.
My mom is 95 and would never have wanted to live this long!
My dad died in 2002. She’d much rather be with him in heaven.
So sorry that you are struggling with this situation.
Hoping that your mom will have an easy transition and that you will find peace and joy.
Wishing you and your Mom peace on this difficult journey.
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