Tonight she took two blood pressure pills, by mistake, and then she kept saying that my son and dont know what she has been in the past. I have heard that so many times and then she also said if she cant have her way, she feels like giving, and I got made and said go ahead and give, up. I didnt mean it though.
My head is hurting, I believe my brain is overloaded, I have taken my medication.
I have told her that I am going to call an aarpdoctor for a housecall. So she knowes I will. My pastor told me its an act she is putting on. Heknowes her for a long time.
I need a break.
But I also know that there are people who need to control and manipulate whether they're teens or Millenials or Boomers.
I think it's really hard to tell, at least for me, whether the manipulation is deliberate or reactive. There are times when I get annoyed thinking that I'm being asked to do something my father could, then awhile later I think how I would be in his situation and I can understand the need for help, or just plain attention.
Until I get to be that age, I really won't know what's it like to decline.
After all, their world is more or less collapsing on them, they can't do what they did before, they know that they'e moving into the end stages of life....who wouldn't be frightened and want comfort? I think I would be.
And that's not a criticism of anyone's position and advice, just my own unwanted peak into the future for myself.
Some of us have Borderline & Narcissistic moms who manipulate by acting helpless, create endless fear, obligation, & guilt. It's total emotional blackmail.
My mom is one of them. The pastor may have seen this 100 times before.
My advice is to get your mom evaluated by a geriatric psych to understand what's going on in there. Is she suffering from routine depression that seems to be terribly common in elders, or is it more than that, like a Cluster B personality disorder? I had no idea how common this seems to be until I found my support group here on AC.com.
There are a TON of helpful articles on this site about dealing with complaining, neediness, and learned helplessness. The most important thing to remember is that you are not dealing with the same mom you had 20 years ago, and you have to steel yourself to see into behaviors and what may be causing them, and then be prepared to take action. Sometimes the behavior comes from a physical cause - pain, constipation, UTI. Sometimes the behavior comes from deep within the person because that is how they are wired. Sometimes it's a learned behavior that is truly new, but due to changes in the brain's physiology. You aren't making this up and what you see is actually happening. The important thing is to take action on what you can. ::HUGS::
Pam68, I think if you give more information that maybe you can get clearer advice. I suspect that what Gigi11 said is probably right, though - she is what she is. But you have the right to come here and vent, regardless, so please don't think we aren't sympathetic.
I do also get frustrated with my mom. Once, when she first came to live with me, she was complaining and griping and making me sound like an awful person and I finally snapped and said, "Well, if you don't like it, here, pack your things call my brother, and have him drive up to get you - I don't care, anymore!" I didn't mean it. It not only hurt her feelings but, in her fragile mental state, it gave her the fear that I throw her out into the streets and she'd have nowhere to go. I now understand her condition better and am better and not snapping back like that, but there are still days where it's just so hard.
Hang in there and don't let anyone make you feel like you're "bad."
The secret to survival is compassionate detachment so that you are not emotionally invested no matter what she says or does. And, truly speaking, it isn't about you. She would behave just as badly with whoever is her constant companion.
Of course, this detachment is easier said than done, as my own experience attests. Mom is nearly 96 and I've been looking after her since Dad died, more than 10 years now. Protecting my mental health still is a work in progress.
Good luck and God bless.