What tactic should I take to put my Mom at ease? My 98 year old Mom has macular degeneration in one eye and is deaf in one ear, with not so good hearing in the good ear. She belives she sees people in the yard, but on investigation there is no one there. However, she insists there was. She "sees" trees and bushes in the yard that she belives to have been cut down or back and they have not been. Mom complains she is "hearing" music come from the house next door all day and all night. At this time of year the windows are all closed & there is no way she is hearing music coming from outside. She asks me can't I hear it and I have to say no. She is amazed that I can't. So I just say that her hearing must be better than mine for music. Mom gets very upset and mistrusts anyone who tries to convince or explain away what she knows she is "seeing" & "hearing" . I would appreciate any suggestions what to say to calm, and help her.
My best answer to you would be to "redirect" her attention to something else. Change the subject, or just go along with what she says! No sense working yourself up or her. Talk to her doctor and see if she is indeed having the beginnings of dementia then go from there. Good luck!
Thank you all so very much for caring and sharing! I was really starting to think maybe she was "seeing" and "hearing" things that was real and I must be the one who is missing the reality of what is going on! In a way I am, because she has been having these "issues" and I haven't picked up on what it all may really mean. I will get her to the doctor for a full physical and make changes in her enviroment that may help. I will also, give myself the the opportunity to, "go with the flow" and just play "pretend" when she has her visitors. It was so good to have you all to hear me, and share your experiences with me. I am shedding tears at this moment, knowing that I am not alone...
It could be the kind of physical causes that Jessie describes.
It could be dementia, as wuvsicecream suggests.
A visit or at least a call to the doctor is in order.
I wonder if you could distract her from the music she hears and which annoys her by playing some music she might enjoy?
I have a feeling her visual problems come from the macular degeneration. Her peripheral vision, which is mostly black/white vision that is ill defined is picking out things. Everyone uses this vision in the dark. Often ghosts move around and bushes do things that seem menacing if we look at them. Our eyes are just not made for good night vision. People with advanced macular degeneration experience this type of vision throughout the day.
I hope this helps some.
I am going to tell you a story about a friend was caring for her mom (she passed) and pertaining to your question....
My friend's Mom had dementia, hearing problems, wore glasses, etc. She recognized her family members she even remembered me and how I met her daughter and we were in our 20's when we met, not youngsters. Her Mom was for the most part sweet and sometimes childlike with the dementia. She began seeing people who weren't there, a lady with a baby in her bed, the red dot on the TV had people in it, and her husband (Daddy to my friend) at the table whenever she sat to eat. So my friend "went with" the unreal visions and told her Mom does the lady in bed bother you, her Mom said "no I just don't want to wake them". The red light she covered with tape, so that wasn't an issue. She acted as if her Husband were joining them at every meal. The one day she said to her Mom, Daddy's in the kitchen at the table waiting for you! Her Mom rubbed her on her shoulder looked her in the eye and said "Oh Honey, Daddy's been gone for a while now he went to heaven!"
I am telling you this because there is no solution per-say to your question. There are ways you can reduce your Mom's stress by agreeing or finding a trial and error solution, like the tape covering the light. You can't change the way your Mom's brain is working but you can change the way you react to what's going on.
I have learned on this site that there are other factors that may be an issue, such as UTI's, medication, poor circulation, lack of oxygen or from heart trouble or diabetes sugar levels, etc..
I see my Mom quite often in the Nursing Home and most residents on her floor have some type of dementia. You would be astounded at the fantasy land reality that most of them have in their heads and there story's never change day to day, for the most part. I do know what works the best for distraction for about 95% of them.... Music or old movies, like Judy Garland, Elizabeth Taylor, Fred Astaire etc. Musicals from the golden oldie days, and they become more peaceful and even belt out songs you didn't even hear yourself before. You'll be surprised at the behavioral change. This is a common comfort zone!!!
Good Luck!!!