Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I tell her that her imaginary children got out of whatever situation her mind put them in but she never believes me. The imaginary child in her mind says to her that I am lying to her.
First, your mother is not having these delusions because you are doing something wrong or because she isn't medicated correctly. This is Not Your Fault. Naturally you still want it to stop but please don't carry any guilt about this.
I am so glad to hear that you are not arguing with her about whether the children exist. Instead you are trying to convince her that they are not in danger or being harmed -- that they are out of the danger she thinks they are in. She isn't taking your word for it, though. Would a little action be more convincing? "Oh Mom! Are they still out? They are too young to be out this late! Let me go check on them right now! Will you be OK for a few minutes? ... [a few minutes later] ... "Whew! They were just in the back yard, nearly asleep, the darlings. I've laid them on their beds and I'll go finish getting them clean and into pjs after we are done here. Do you want help tonight cold-creaming your face?" (or if the children only visit and don't live with Mom, then you called and made sure they are safely at home.)
Teepa Snow (an awesome occupational therapist and expert on dealing with persons who have dementia) suggests that before trying to divert or distract, take responsibility for the solution. If you are going to check on the children Mother doesn't have to keep worrying about them. If you call their parents, it is off of Mother's plate. THEN you can change the subject.
To see a very short video of her explaining and illustrating this, search for: "Redirecting Hallucinations in People Living with Dementia" with Teepa Snow
One of the caregivers in my local support group had a husband with continuing delusions about young children in the house. He was a minister (retired because of LBD) and it was part of his life work to be concerned about the welfare of children. He would ask why his wife didn't set places at the table for "the children." She'd reply that she had just served them a snack and they were watching a nature video until their parents picked them up. She took the responsibility so he could eat without worrying about them.
Two other things that MIGHT be useful:
1) Frequently mention things about her nurturing and homemaking skills. (Not particularly when she is experiencing delusions but any ol' time.) Don't ask her "Do you remember when ..." Instead start with "I remember when ..." and mention the time she was so kind to your friend who was being bullied at school or the time you were so frustrated with a school sewing project and she patiently ripped out a seam for you." In other words, not the general "you were always a good mother" but specific examples that you remember. Tell her how much you loved her apple pies or Sunday pot roasts. Validate her expertise and skill in what she did in her life.
2) Get her a life-like baby-sized doll. (Not a realistic doll sized for an 8-yo's arms.) Introduce it by saying "since you have children around a lot, I thought they might like to see a doll in your room." It may turn out to be just a beautiful decoration in her room, and that is OK. Or she might enjoy holding it and feeling nurturing. Let it be up to her.
From what I know, drugs aren't particularly useful for delusions. But it is always good to keep her doctors informed about the situation.
My husband's delusions were almost always benign. (Or they were not disturbing to him. If I believed there was a dead body in the bedroom that would sure disturb me!) If the delusion is not disturbing Mother, just go along with it. "You took the children to the park this afternoon? I hope you all enjoyed yourself." Only if the delusion is distressing her do you need to try to sooth her.
Does your mother still live in a group home, or what is the living arrangement now? How often do you interact with her?
So sorry to hear your dilemma. Is there a therapist who can assist you in this? Do you have any tangible touch type items...fabric, stroking toys, etc that can soothe her? Any music that you can use to start to associate that sound or feel with a sense of security? Any local organizations to ask for tips to help you get Mom and yourself through these episodes?
What you are seeing is it normally late in the day? My mom was constantly, almost, worried about the safety of her children, with me in my later 50's looking at her and trying to soothe her. Do you have siblings? Could it be that these children are actually you when you were younger? This was the classic sundowning behavior of my Mom's.
What worked the best was to tell her that the children were spending the night with friends, using names of childhood friends, and that they would be back first thing in the morning to go on the picnic, or something else fun. Sometimes it did not work, so I would make the pretend call to the home sibs were spending night with to make sure everything was ok. That would usually do the trick.
So, realize that the children she is worried about are her own children. Do not try to correct her, figure out a way to agree with the story and come up with a way to soothe her.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I am so glad to hear that you are not arguing with her about whether the children exist. Instead you are trying to convince her that they are not in danger or being harmed -- that they are out of the danger she thinks they are in. She isn't taking your word for it, though. Would a little action be more convincing? "Oh Mom! Are they still out? They are too young to be out this late! Let me go check on them right now! Will you be OK for a few minutes? ... [a few minutes later] ... "Whew! They were just in the back yard, nearly asleep, the darlings. I've laid them on their beds and I'll go finish getting them clean and into pjs after we are done here. Do you want help tonight cold-creaming your face?" (or if the children only visit and don't live with Mom, then you called and made sure they are safely at home.)
Teepa Snow (an awesome occupational therapist and expert on dealing with persons who have dementia) suggests that before trying to divert or distract, take responsibility for the solution. If you are going to check on the children Mother doesn't have to keep worrying about them. If you call their parents, it is off of Mother's plate. THEN you can change the subject.
To see a very short video of her explaining and illustrating this, search for:
"Redirecting Hallucinations in People Living with Dementia" with Teepa Snow
One of the caregivers in my local support group had a husband with continuing delusions about young children in the house. He was a minister (retired because of LBD) and it was part of his life work to be concerned about the welfare of children. He would ask why his wife didn't set places at the table for "the children." She'd reply that she had just served them a snack and they were watching a nature video until their parents picked them up. She took the responsibility so he could eat without worrying about them.
Two other things that MIGHT be useful:
1) Frequently mention things about her nurturing and homemaking skills. (Not particularly when she is experiencing delusions but any ol' time.) Don't ask her "Do you remember when ..." Instead start with "I remember when ..." and mention the time she was so kind to your friend who was being bullied at school or the time you were so frustrated with a school sewing project and she patiently ripped out a seam for you." In other words, not the general "you were always a good mother" but specific examples that you remember. Tell her how much you loved her apple pies or Sunday pot roasts. Validate her expertise and skill in what she did in her life.
2) Get her a life-like baby-sized doll. (Not a realistic doll sized for an 8-yo's arms.) Introduce it by saying "since you have children around a lot, I thought they might like to see a doll in your room." It may turn out to be just a beautiful decoration in her room, and that is OK. Or she might enjoy holding it and feeling nurturing. Let it be up to her.
From what I know, drugs aren't particularly useful for delusions. But it is always good to keep her doctors informed about the situation.
My husband's delusions were almost always benign. (Or they were not disturbing to him. If I believed there was a dead body in the bedroom that would sure disturb me!) If the delusion is not disturbing Mother, just go along with it. "You took the children to the park this afternoon? I hope you all enjoyed yourself." Only if the delusion is distressing her do you need to try to sooth her.
Does your mother still live in a group home, or what is the living arrangement now? How often do you interact with her?
What worked the best was to tell her that the children were spending the night with friends, using names of childhood friends, and that they would be back first thing in the morning to go on the picnic, or something else fun. Sometimes it did not work, so I would make the pretend call to the home sibs were spending night with to make sure everything was ok. That would usually do the trick.
So, realize that the children she is worried about are her own children. Do not try to correct her, figure out a way to agree with the story and come up with a way to soothe her.