I am her POA. My Mom does very well in her home, she cooks, takes her meds etc.she does have the start of dementia, she is also parinoide I go over to her house every other day to see if she is ok, she can not drive doctors orders, any help thank you
Once we started her on Zoloft in AL, she has turned into a much different person who actually introduces people, tries to give hugs (I'm not getting that close to her tho), and chats with friends at the dinner table. An antidepressant might be a good thing to try - it is something I read about somewhere on Children of Hoarders or another hoarding site. Ask the doctor if he would prescribe it since her anger and hoarding are signs of depression.
Better yet, this will give you both the quality time you need to spend together vs. constant worry and monitoring and tending to her day-to-day needs. You can give up the care-taking and be the daughter you want to be in her remaining years.
She may be more willing to make new friends and participate -- despite past patterns. My mom is totally anti-social and hateful towards old friends and neighbors but when she was in behavioural center (temporarily); they reported she adjusted and even mom admitted she made new friends "she could relate to and were in her same age and state".
I wish my mom would go and beg her but can only wish that time will come soon.
Marylyn. Your Mom is not going to get any better so the time has already arrived for you to take charge and tell her she is going to ALF not when she chooses but now. Your sanity is not going to survive much longer. As far as cutting off all communications when she leaves that is her choice. It is not good for you, your husband and especially your son to live in the same house as this disruptive woman. It is your home reclaim it.
Anyone with dementia will eventually need to live with 24 hour companionship.
As many on this site can attest, it is hard to be the caregiver and loving daughter.
Someone else can be the caregiver, only you can be the daughter.
She may not be able to express it, maybe she does not want to burden you.
People with dementia generally cannot live alone past the very early stages. She will either need increasing in-home help or around-the-clock help available in a care center. If she is willing to go to a care center now, so much the better.
Be sure the facility knows Mom's hoarding history and her dementia status. It is important to get a good fit.
Going into assisted living is not necessarily a bad thing. Many here are trying to get their parent to agree to go into an ALF. She has dementia which will only progress and she will need more and more help.
You say she is wanting to do this to get away from you. Is she angry about you cleaning out her house? I have read that hoarders get very angry when their stuff is removed. Is her paranoia focussed on you? A little more information would help. ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) It is obviously a very uncomfortable situation for you.
To me, an ALF sound like a good idea, so I am wondering what else is going on.
Honestly, it sounds like a good idea. They provide transportation; she can maintain her sense of ability and dignity as long as she is capable, and when she is not, they will move her on where she needs to be. It takes the mother-daughter argument out of the picture. Chances are she will listen more to the "experts" than to you anyway!
And I find that as much as I want to take care of my Dad, he really wants me to have my own life and not to be worried about him all the time. I try to let him have what he wants. Works better for both of us.