Prior to my Fathers' passing, he asked me to move in with Mom to help her out and care for her. She's 81 does not drive but mentally sound. (not to nice) but she's my Mom. I gave up everything and my son and i moved in. I have 3 older sisters, two live within 5 minutes of here. It costs me more to live here than it did on my own. It's been a little over 3 years (blood,sweat and tears) I can count on 1 hand how many times they have taken her out or given a ride. They hardly visit and it hurts my Mom. They cherished my Dad me too but not her and she although she can be mean did just as much for us as he did. They say crazy things about when Ma dies, I want my Money, or we're selling the house immediately, just mean stuff that makes me real sad and mad. I do not feel like what my parents worked for is MINE, I even said to her Ma why dont you leave everything to Boys Town or St. Judes 2 of her favorites. Its just sad. My ? is though when and if my mom passes before me, can they come and go as they please (do i have tenant rights?) And don't they have to give me time to find a new place and clean out the house??? Thanks for letting me rant and any help is greatly appreciated. And from what I see on this site, None of us are alone, so keep caring and smiling. (those of us who do it wouldn't have it any other way)
As for siblings not forcing out a caregiver sibling on the day of death it happened to my cousin. All the siblings flew in for the funeral hired authorities & the eldest sister was on the curb a few days after the funeral so the siblings could return to their jobs & locations. This was a family that got along well & each child had shared the caregiving to a certain extent. One had her for a couple years, only the one made executor never had to do any caregiving. Luckily for the one evicted she had been allowed vacations away infrequently by the executor (brother) and had met a man on a cruise she married when evicted. They had been dating & he had been good to the mother as well. So fortunately she had a place to go. This was all done quickly so they could list the house to sell it & break it up or pay debts. This was years ago & the house is still not sold.
So yes they will put you out if they have a mind to.Hopefully you can become the heir of the house at least so instead of a time limit to move out you can have a place to reside permanently. It isn't about having a right to what she earned, it is also about having a way to live when you are no longer able to work since you are giving up your time now when you could be working. At least that is how I see it.
At the very least a lawyer should be able to protect the house for you & it seems that it should happen asap since there is a 5 year lookback from nursing home medicaid in case that becomes a given later.
I would ask for disposition of the personal property some time like 3 to 6 months after Mom's death so you can sort through everything unless you can do it now prior to her death and tag everything, like guns go to Bill, China to Sue, Tools to Bob.
Unfortunately when you have family like this, it is going to be a "free for all" when Mom dies and most likely, "first come, first served" so you desperately need legal documents and possibly a restraining order to keep these members from ransacking the house.
If you are strong enough you need to obtain her Power of Attorney for financial and healthcare decisions. Just a warning as this could become a war among family with you trying to hold them at bay.
My sister told my mother to her face, "When you die, I will have hit the lottery! I am taking my money and leaving here! She screamed it twice and I was shocked as was my mother. You can live in what you believe to be a decent family, but when it comes to death and money, the worst side of everyone seems to come out and they act like a bunch of vultures.
This absolutely MUST be taken care of right now and all siblings need to know what has happened and what will and will not be taking place even if you have to have the attorney draw up a letter and mail it to each of them. Your life will be utter hell and you will be run over with zero say if you do not take care of this NOW!
Good Luck my heart goes out to you!
And if she cleaned him out, of what did she have no control when your father died and you were his executor?
Sosad has stated that her mother is of sound mind and also intimated that her mother is no pushover. This lady is not simply going to do as she's told by her children; so who said she wants them there when she gets round to sorting out her affairs? Sos, see your friendly attorney and find out what needs doing - you'll feel better for getting advice and knowing the rules.
Having said all that, it is of course an extremely awkward subject that many people do leave alone - and afterwards are very sorry they did. In your position, I think I'd suggest to my mother that I put her in touch with an attorney who will help her sort everything out so that she need never think about it again. I'd limit my involvement to drafting a check list of subjects that need to be addressed, and give a copy each to the attorney and my mother. Shut them in a room and leave them to it. Check afterwards that the attorney is satisfied that mother had been concentrating and was content with her decisions. For myself, look ahead and make sensible plans about what to do and where to live in the future, making sure that they were not based on any expectations about the estate.
Let's assume your mother either dies intestate or shares her estate equally between all four of you. Who has rights to enter the house will be up to the executor, whether appointed by the state or by your mother. It would be sensible and practical if it were you, but you can't force that. Let's further assume that the house will be sold immediately. I'm not going to say it's never happened - who would dare? - but I don't think in general even uncaring siblings attempt to evict their sister on the day of their mother's demise. Besides, even if your siblings might like to chuck you out instanter, houses don't clean and market themselves…
Actually, you know what? You're really crossing bridges before you've come to them. Choose your attorney with care. Think about the specifics that need to be decided on. Take it from there.
If mom doesn't have a will, get one written ASAP. Either way, see an attorney.
First of all I would consult a lawyer and have some kind of document done. If your Mom is mentally sound that should not be a problem, and even if she wishes to leave things equally - she should certainly be able to stipulate that you get to stay in the home for 6 months or a year after her passing before selling the house - I think that would be more than fair since you have undertaken her care.
Do they say those things to your Mom and you - or just you?