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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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For my husband death was embraced, he had suffered for 12 years, his illness took us both down to our knees. It was the final solution, we are all born to die, so IMO we must accept it.
All I would say to your mother is "I understand", as for the music, I hear Tom Petty in my head on & off all day, God only knows why him! I have Meniere's, my ear doctor says that is why I hear music! So I just go with it!
My father would always say a dramatic "the end is near". For him it was an attention getting mechanism. While I know sooner or later he will be right I can't be in fire drill mode every time he says this.
His mother's line was "this is my last Christmas". She had 15 of those.
Sounds like this is comforting to her. Many people with dementia are seeking comfort when they become anxious looking for their mother, or their car, or the way to get "home". "Dying today" doesn't have the same meaning to her that it does to you. Think of a response that feels comfortable to you, such as "but I am so glad that you are here with me now." Add a comforting touch and it becomes an opportunity to celebrate love. As one who lost both parents in the past year, I can tell you that your mom is right. She may not be here tomorrow, so appreciate her today and be grateful that "dying today" is not bringing her anxiety. You can reframe the meaning of that phrase. She can't.
My father had vascular dementia and he often used to say he is going to die. I used to get phonecalls asking me to come home because he thinks he is going to die. I was not very sympathetic, long story but I ended up telling him that there is nothing i can do. We all are going to die one day. He said i didn't care. Just wanted to make me feel guilty. He would often say he wants to die. I didn't like that but now he has passed away in December of 2019. He got his wish. I do misss him but I don't miss the toxic relationship we had. It is not easy with dementia so try to be strong. I was alone with my dad who suffered for 7 years and it drove me insane too. I am relieved he is no longer suffering. May he rest in eternal peace
I believe that some people are blessed with seeing visions and/or hearing from the other side. Heavenly music and those that have gone on before preparing them for their time.
Praise The Lord that she is ready and looking forward to going home. That makes it easier for those left to mourn the loss.
As Peekachu says, it is possible this brings her peace. She is ready, every day, to meet her maker. Be aware, sometimes someone comes to them to tell them when they will pass. I warned my DH and he actually saw his first wife (predeceased him)before he went into the Death Coma. His passing was very peaceful.
After my mother passed in 2004, I assisted my father for 7.5 years until he passed in 2011. Especially during the first year, he was hospitalized 7 times for surgeries.
I sat with him until he was taken to the O.R. and each time I said the same thing to him - "I will be here when you awaken but if you must go, tell Mom I miss her." It brought comfort to both of us. I never asked him to "hold on" for me and was thrilled for him the day he saw Mom again. The joy on his face said it all.
I suggest accepting the statement with little fuss and set aside your own fears in the moment. My mom (and house mate) speaks of her death often. I am her only child that doesn't reflexively say "oh no!" or "don't say that!". She needs to express it, and it often leads to jokes about the "great shopping mall in the sky". She doesn't seem to fear it, and is ready and at 93. I don't blame her, because most of her peers have died or have dementia.
Funny story. Had a recent trip to the hospital with a series of what seems to be T.I.A.s (mini strokes). The nurse asked her if she had to "go" now. Mom cradled the nurse's cheeks in her hands and slurred, "I might have to go now, but it's not your fault." And although we did really fear she was dying, the nurse was only asking if she had to go to the bathroom. We all had a chuckle, including my Mom who keeps her sense of humor under some of the worst circumstances. This very resilient woman is back to her normal - writing checks (with some mistakes to be corrected), showering and dressing herself, cooking (with varied results), and toddling around the house.
Never ask your loved one to stay for you. They are ready to go and we should be able to accept that. Death is natural and certainly welcomed by those who are tired of living. My dad will say I want to die and I say, I know, dad. Or he might say, I might not be here after today, and I say, that’s possible. He wants to go on so badly and I want that for him too.
Yes, I've heard beautiful fiddle music. It goes with hearing loss which I have, comes and goes. Also have had hymns. I can't imagine where the selection comes from. It is very real. I had my husband listening for it out the window. Googled what was going on and was reassured by reading about musical ear syndrome.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
All I would say to your mother is "I understand", as for the music, I hear Tom Petty in my head on & off all day, God only knows why him! I have Meniere's, my ear doctor says that is why I hear music! So I just go with it!
His mother's line was "this is my last Christmas". She had 15 of those.
Praise The Lord that she is ready and looking forward to going home. That makes it easier for those left to mourn the loss.
May you all be comforted when she goes on before.
After my mother passed in 2004, I assisted my father for 7.5 years until he passed in 2011. Especially during the first year, he was hospitalized 7 times for surgeries.
I sat with him until he was taken to the O.R. and each time I said the same thing to him - "I will be here when you awaken but if you must go, tell Mom I miss her." It brought comfort to both of us. I never asked him to "hold on" for me and was thrilled for him the day he saw Mom again. The joy on his face said it all.
Funny story. Had a recent trip to the hospital with a series of what seems to be T.I.A.s (mini strokes). The nurse asked her if she had to "go" now. Mom cradled the nurse's cheeks in her hands and slurred, "I might have to go now, but it's not your fault." And although we did really fear she was dying, the nurse was only asking if she had to go to the bathroom. We all had a chuckle, including my Mom who keeps her sense of humor under some of the worst circumstances. This very resilient woman is back to her normal - writing checks (with some mistakes to be corrected), showering and dressing herself, cooking (with varied results), and toddling around the house.
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