I live 1300 miles away but she won't talk to me and hangs up the phone when I call her. Saying, "I don't want to talk with you". She is 96 years old and is very hard of hearing and almost blind, and has trouble walking. The doctors said she could not live in her apartment by herself. Has called 911 may times. Usually it is because she doesn't eat right and is dehydrated. She agreed to move but now she is upset with me. I did everything I could to make her new place familiar but I am cursed because no matter how I have tried to please her it is never enough.
She now lives with me and is bedbound and totally incontinent etc.
I am her full time caregiver and "room mate." (I am a widow).
When I try to engage in any conversation with her......I'm met with stone cold silence.
Here's what's hard for me:
I can't tell if it's the Alzheimer progression
or
if it's her anger.
She talks to her favorite people so I don't think it's the disease and that makes me feel worse.
When I try to talk to her I feel like an idiot cause my words just go into the air. So for now, I take good care of her but words are at a minimum.
I think she wants someone to blame for her situation - and I'm the "lucky one". Still, it hurts. And I wonder if it's somehow my fault.
Does she have former neighbors or a clergy person or doctor or visiting nurse who might let her vent and help her gently understand that you did what you did because you love her and care about her? Or is she getting any kind of help at AL to adjust/acclimate? Does she meet with anyone there that might slowly help her understand why she needs care?
From your last sentence, it sounds like this may be a very old pattern with your mom, in which case you just need to acknowledge that you'll never be able to please your mom and turn to your friends for emotional support. Hugs to you...