She refused to let anyone but me or my dad know. I finally told my siblings. My mother was diagnosed with vascular dementione one year ago. She refused to tell others, but I did tell my siblings. One sibling is close, one far away. We kept this hidden for a uear, not easy to do. This week after a really bad spell with her, I told her sister and brother. I'm sure they told her other siblings. Now I feel bad, but felt so alone in this. She will be so mad if she finds out and maybe the upset will harm her. It's hard to know what to do. Any advice?
There was silence on the other end of the phone. Finally, my cousin choked out "your dad has leukemia and your mom has breast cancer? I had no idea". It turned out that my parents had kept both diagnoses secret from everyone except us three kids. (my next call was to my parents' lawyer and very close friend and neighbor; he didn't know either.
I was plenty ticked off that my parents chose to think that we could cope with their illnesses with no family support or understanding. We three sibs all had small children and not a lot of extra time or money or wherewithal to help out. Getting a few close family members and friends involved who were able to rally around was key to getting my parents what they needed.
I'm all for respecting elder's privacy (my parents weren't old at that point, they were the same age I am now). But not when it impacts your kids' ability to help out.
Yep, they were upset for a bit. Eventually, they told me I did the right thing.
Dementia progresses. It gets worse. This is true whether other people know about the condition or not. People with dementia can get very upset over things real or imagined. The upset doesn't cause the dementia to get worse, it is the result of the dementia getting worse.