Alzheimer's make it difficult also. My biggest fear is her aspirating. She's not really chocking cause it's mushed up food but more like Inhaling in lungs. What do I do when this happens? It's only happened two times since she been home from rehab. But is scary as h*ll
You're not crazy, this whole scenario is as common as rain. People who have not experienced it may not believe it happens, but people who have been on here any length of time know better for sure.
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There is no justification for you to be under surveillance while tolerating abusive behavior. Regardless of what you've done for MIL in the past, it seems as though it's time for a change, particularly given the hostility and financial accusations of the family.
Give them a certain date (definitely not an open-ended time) by which they need to make arrangements for alternate care and tell them that if they don't, you'll be forced to seek institutional placement, as well as injunctive relief to keep them from harrassing you with a PI.
And start looking for either long term care or hospice, whichever is appropriate. But make sure DH is on board with this plan.
Get you and your family out of this situation before it escalates any more than it has.
Sorry to hear she is treating you so badly when you are trying to help!
My understanding of aspiration is that if she's "inhaling" it and it gets in her lungs, that's aspiration.
Did she get speech/swallowing therapy in the rehab facility?
Did she have video swallowing tests to determine the extent of aspiration?
I think you really need to discuss this with a respiratory therapist, ASAP. My father had dysphagia (swallowing disorder) and was on tube feeding for several months. He also had speech therapy in the hospitals, SNF and at home.
This is a situation that should be addressed immediately. Please call your pulmonary or primary care doctor today.