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Dear Jirvin, I wish there WAS something you could do. If your mom has been deemed competent, then she can do anything she wishes. You can not force someone into rehab, as far as I know. If she is not a danger to herself or others then she is free to live her life as she wants to.
There is not a chance detox will work if she doesn't WANT to quit drinking. Alcoholics will justify ANY bad behavior or actions so they can keep drinking. It's a heartbreaking road to watch a loved one go down with alcohol ruining their life. Both my folks were alcoholics. I remember cleaning up vomit as a kid and nothing was said. They just won't admit that alcohol is the demon. They'll defend it to the end.
Try Adult Protective Services to check in on her. They may recommend treatment for her but it's still up to her.
If you can afford it, professional inpatient rehab. But if you're like my family with no money, you'll have to call adult protective services. Detox centers never worked for my mom. To be honest, I think once they are that old, alcoholics will continue to drink. My mom and dad still do, and I've tried everything. Having home health (for other unrelated aging issues) has helped curb the drinking for most of the day, so I guess their time is limited for drinking now. But if shes not willing to go to rehab, there's little you can do. Let her reach rock bottom once, maybe multiple times. Eventually she might see the light.
If she is peeing in a bucket in a normally well outfitted home..she need a psych eval. And they may be able to get her admitted for some help.. or not. It's crazy these days what is deemed safe and sane.. And no one else should ask her to house sit or watch their children!
Thank you all for your advice. I am living in Al and my mom in NorthCarolina. The doctors says there’s nothing they can do, because she is in her right mind says them. I can’t talk to her about what’s going on with her because she gets defensive. My mom is severely under weight, dehydration issues and she drinks all day. She recently house sat for my sister and when my sister returned, my sister son told her that my mom was peeing in a bucket, not bathing and the crazy part is that my mom does not see anything wrong with it. Who would I refer her too if I am living in another state?
Your experience with alcohol (Before, during & after) is priceless! Something else you try to warn about here also came to pass right before my eyes, and left me speechless! 😨 Thank you. I hope jirving takes your full advice.
My father is actually an alcoholic. He's urinated on himself multiple times, including in front of me. He's also fallen multiple times and has even split his head open on occasion. He's in jail as we speak because of it and this isn't the first time. He has been to AA meetings and they have helped, but he stopped going to them and reverted back to his old ways.
I agree with shakingdustoff that your mother, as well as my own father, needs professional rehab. It may not be easy to get her into such a thing depending on financial, insurance, and legal issues, but it is what you should strive for. We have had trouble getting my own father into such a thing but I have already discussed with other family members and we all agree that we should keep trying to get him in some sort of program no matter what it takes.
I am referring to my own father so hopefully you will understand how serious of an issue this can be and it often only gets worse. I never knew my dad would stoop down to the level he has already. I wish it were simple to get him the help he needs but it often isn't. But I'm not giving up on him and you shouldn't give up on your own mother. Just don't try to do it yourself. Seek professional help or matters will only get worse. I'm sorry you are going through this. I know it isn't easy. Best of luck.
this sounds very scary. does she live alone? i agree, sounds like she may need rehab. ive never dealt with that before. but maybe she needs to see her physician and maybe they can refer her to get professional help. maybe contact alcoholics anonymous, if you think shes abusing alcohol.
Does she drink a lot or was it more an one off thing? If she does drink until she falls and passes out, then rehab. Otherwise get her evaluated, there's a number of different things that can cause the incontinence. (UTI, excessive coffee, severe constipation, etc)
Is she passed out when this happens. You could consider a urologist. I am in the midst of testing for my mother with this. She was prescribed Botox which helps with frequency but if she is a heavy drinker that is the first problem. Hope you can deal with that. That is a very dark road ahead and all sorts of other problems will develop.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I wish there WAS something you could do. If your mom has been deemed competent, then she can do anything she wishes. You can not force someone into rehab, as far as I know. If she is not a danger to herself or others then she is free to live her life as she wants to.
There is not a chance detox will work if she doesn't WANT to quit drinking. Alcoholics will justify ANY bad behavior or actions so they can keep drinking. It's a heartbreaking road to watch a loved one go down with alcohol ruining their life. Both my folks were alcoholics. I remember cleaning up vomit as a kid and nothing was said. They just won't admit that alcohol is the demon. They'll defend it to the end.
Try Adult Protective Services to check in on her. They may recommend treatment for her but it's still up to her.
Why not try her county's Adult Protective Services? It can't hurt to try. At least you won't be doing nothing at all.
This has to be dreadful for you being so far away. Don't give up just yet. Try them and let us know, please.
Your experience with alcohol (Before, during & after) is priceless! Something else you try to warn about here also came to pass right before my eyes, and left me speechless! 😨 Thank you.
I hope jirving takes your full advice.
I agree with shakingdustoff that your mother, as well as my own father, needs professional rehab. It may not be easy to get her into such a thing depending on financial, insurance, and legal issues, but it is what you should strive for. We have had trouble getting my own father into such a thing but I have already discussed with other family members and we all agree that we should keep trying to get him in some sort of program no matter what it takes.
I am referring to my own father so hopefully you will understand how serious of an issue this can be and it often only gets worse. I never knew my dad would stoop down to the level he has already. I wish it were simple to get him the help he needs but it often isn't. But I'm not giving up on him and you shouldn't give up on your own mother. Just don't try to do it yourself. Seek professional help or matters will only get worse. I'm sorry you are going through this. I know it isn't easy. Best of luck.
i agree, sounds like she may need rehab.
ive never dealt with that before. but maybe she needs to see her physician and maybe they can refer her to get professional help. maybe contact alcoholics anonymous, if you think shes abusing alcohol.
and passes out, then rehab. Otherwise get her evaluated, there's a number of different
things that can cause the incontinence. (UTI, excessive coffee, severe constipation, etc)
Good luck!