Her health is not good. She has to have help with most all daily function She is miserable. She acts like she hates me and my husband and we do everything we can for her. I cook what ever she wants to eat, make sure that I have the TV on what she wants to watch. She is up at least four times between 4 am and 9 am. She goes to bed at eleven pm. I have had on the average of six hours sleep at the most in 18 months. She is agrumentative and I realize that her mind is not good. I have no help except my husband and she will not let him help very much. I do not have the money to pay for outside help. I am at a breaking point. She can not be left alone. Need suggestions.
Mom's resources should be used for mom's care. With some of her savings, make an appoinment with a lawyer who specializes in the elderly and who knows Medicaid regulations in your state. You need to set up a prepaid funeral and a caregiving contract ( if she's still deemed competent to sign one). Her funds should be paying for either adult day care or aides to care for her.
I know you love your mother and trying to do all you can every day for her. Sorry to hear you are at the breaking point. Because you said your mom is so miserable, I wonder if she was like this before she moved in? How many pills does she take? Could it be the side effects of the pills affecting her mood? Low blood sugar? Dehydration? I would try to get her evaluated by a doctor or nurse?
Have you tried to access any community resources? Social worker? Family therapist? Respite care? Any options through work or church? Something to help you get a break and find another way.
I know its hard when you are in the trenches every day. Trying to make things right and trying to stay above water. Finding the right balance is never easy.
Thinking of you. I hope you will consider finding what resources in the community could assist you and your mother.
It is understandable for mom to be miserable. Her life has become totally empty and she is becoming increasingly dependent. Some people can deal with it and be thankful and enjoy no longer having responsibilities other resent all the losses and feel the people who are caring for them have caused their problems.
Finding an appropriate antidepressant anti anxiety medication can take a lot of patience and experimentation. Give anything new several weeks to start working and try and be patient. Also make sure Mom is actually taking any meds. try and control any medications yourself and give them dose by dose and watch her take them.
Bluntly, there is a good chance that one or both of you will die before your mother does: the workload, the stress and the lack of sleep pose a serious risk to your health. What then?
This sounds like a risky and untenable situation. What are the alternatives? Where in your area could your mother be moved to?
Realise that it makes no difference whether you bend over backwards to please her or not. She is still going to be just as miserable about things you can't change, such as her loss of faculties and her helplessness, and possibly chemical or physiological changes in her brain too. So instead of trying to please her, please yourself, by doing what you think is the right thing. Don't chase the impossible dream of making her happy.
Where was she living before? What led to her coming to live with you?
Not to make you even more worried than you already are, but how is your husband bearing up under this strain?