My mother was recently in the ER because we thought that she had pneumonia. It turns out she didn't. Her vital signs and lung x-ray were good. She has quickly deteriorated in the past two weeks from feeding herself and walking to the bathroom to being bedridden and having to be spoon fed. She doesn't talk. What I find so startling is that she stares and does not look at me. I ask her a question and she does not respond. She is now in hospice care. She didn't respond to the nurses either when they asked her a question. Perhaps she doesn't hear or see us. Watching my mother die a slow death is agonizing.
My mother and I had a good relationship when she was well, but when she got sick I felt she hated me. It is especially painful when she does not look at me or say a word.
If something has happened inside your mother's brain, it's possible that she is affected by 'sensory inattention' which would mean not only that she can't see a particular field of vision but also that she herself is not aware that she can't - it's as though it doesn't exist at all. There could be other deficits at work here, too, that interfere with her normal responses.
To offer her (and you, hugs) reassurance, you can also use gentle touch such as taking her hand, brushing her hair, or putting your arm around her softly. ALWAYS speak to her before you do anything like this so that you don't startle her. Her lack of response doesn't necessarily mean that she isn't hearing you.
I am sorry you are going through this and wish you peace.
Try not to take it personally. It sounds like her rapid decline was a shock for you & understandably so.
Her “stare” is probably involuntary movement or a reflex. To try & cope keep this in mind. The look is non intentional and you may be overthinking it a bit (no offense here). This is the time for you to hold her hand, moisten her lips, smooth her hair and spend time in this moment as you say goodbye.
Use the services that hospice offers to help you understand and to help you through this difficult time.