My father, 87, died in December after suffering from a brain stem stroke 6 months before. He was left paralyzed from the nose down. He did not have a living will. This left my Mother, 86, at home alone with her dog. She has refused to leave home to come with me. She wants to stay in her house. I live about 45 minutes away from her. I am 65 and work full time about 50-55 hrs a week in a stressful job. I get to her 2-3 times a week. I make sure her bills are paid, food in house, that she has heat, etc. She has never liked drs. Her legs are swelling and I finally got her to the dr two weeks ago. He wanted to put her in the hospital. She refused. So he gave her medication to try to help. Yesterday when I was there she was in pain. I have argued and argued with her to let me take her to the hospital. She won't leave her home. I can't sleep, worrying about her. I am afraid of losing my job (about 1-2 yrs away from retirement) I can't stand to see her suffer like I watched my Father. She won't let anyone in her house. so visiting nurses are out. My husband of 25 years has only been in the house twice. I am at my wit's end. I have a brother that lives about 5 miles from her but after my father died he hasn't contacted us. I called him last night for help and he hung up on me. She said she is only living to take care of her dog. Any suggestions will be appreciated.
However, it becomes a detriment to them as they age and we become their caregivers. We all wish we could stay in our homes...it is just human nature.
Tough love may be called for here. Tell your Mom that she can only be released to a place where she can get care. Tell her it will be temporary until she can get on her feet. Even if it ends up being temporary you will have time to evaluate both her condition and ability to live alone, and make other arrangements.
Good luck. Nothing like emergencies!
It's hard to go against your mother's wishes, but at some point we are all going to have to do that if they will not take care of themselves.
I am still struggling with my mother's strong will and her medical needs.
Still wishing you well.
My city, San Antonio has a government council on aging with many free resources for the elderly, they've been very helpful for me, check to see if your city as something like this.
Please let us know how you progress. Take care of yourself, you can't help your mom if you're not well...mentaly and physicaly. Do some exercise to releive the stress...It helps!